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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No presents?

30 replies

blitzenvixen · 07/12/2023 06:18

My DH and I are childfree not by choice. It has been a journey to accept this but it's probably best in the long run for us (health issues etc).

My DM died a couple of years ago. When she was alive, I would receive birthday and Xmas presents from her and my two closest aunties. They did the same for my DH. Now she's passed away they don't even send a birthday card even though they know when it is. I suppose my DM had been reminding them but it was a shock to go from a few cards and presents to none at all. It's odd to me because we are still in touch and they visit sometimes and check in, and supported me during the bereavement. My DF also died over a decade ago.

We have always sent birthday cards and presents, more recently just cards unless a big birthday. My aunties buy presents for their children and grandchildren, I think one of them assumed we would eventually have a child, but since we aren't she has seemed less and less interested in our lives.

On DH's side we have a nephew but have recently fallen out with SIL (she said some awful things to us regarding my health issues) so we are just sending presents for nephew this Xmas. DH is no contact with his dad for similar reasons and past emotional abuse. His mother died a few years ago. SIL would often forget my birthday or promise presents which never arrived. They usually did Xmas presents though.

AIBU to be sad that our only presents will be from each other this year and probably always now? We do have childfree friends but they are bad at gifts and cards and I don't like to assume that people can afford it. I don't get birthday cards or anything from friends either. The only time I have was when my DH reminded some people and they sent things because I had had a rough year.

We have a neighbour with young children who we get along with and they have very little family around, so we get them a present each too, but never anything in return.

I suppose it's a silly question because I'm not giving just to receive, or I would have stopped ages ago. I like to get in the spirit of the season, but it would just be nice to have a card or something from others occasionally. I think people forget that people without children can feel a little empty at Xmas.

OP posts:
blitzenvixen · 07/12/2023 07:04

Not trying to dripfeed but I am also a bit sensitive about the childfree part. Someone asked me why we are bothering to put up a Xmas tree if we don't have children. I like putting up the tree but it made me feel sad that adults often don't get to share joy at Xmas if there are no children. I tried to organise a Xmas gathering for friends but no one is available.

OP posts:
blitzenvixen · 07/12/2023 06:59

I suppose in this case they are buying for other adults (they also buy for inlaws and other adults in my family) but not for us.

With birthdays, most adults I know get presents from friends or family or go out for a meal or drinks, we never do. We don't get birthday messages either from anyone.

OP posts:
Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 07/12/2023 06:58

Well think yourself lucky I won’t get anything at all and haven’t got over five years.

Pugdays · 07/12/2023 06:55

I assumed that's how it was for all adults
I don't get presents from anyone except my husband and many of my friends don't either.
It never occurred to me to expect presents from other adults ,they are all to busy buying for children.

DustyLee123 · 07/12/2023 06:51

People are cutting back for financial reasons, plus there’s the faff of thinking what to buy and getting it. Plus, I personally don’t see why people buy for adults unless it’s your child or parent. Therefore YABU.