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Original poster

A Friends request

66 replies

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 05:04

Every year my friend (W) who lives around the corner from me has asked me to feed her animals while she has been away - actually she has asked regularly as they go away alot. I don't mind as its just around the corner and pretty much on my way. Over Christmas they are going away for 6 weeks and initially asked myself and my other friend (B) if we didn't mind feeding the animals while they are away. Between the 2 of us we said that it was fine. This friend said that we should also feel free to make use of the pool and spa. Other friend asked if its just me and her doing this and W said yes. B said good cos she feels a bit awkward coming to use the pool and someone is already there. W said that she would just keep it to me and B. The last week I get a group message with 6 others asking us to fill in a spreadsheet of when we can help feed the animals. I PM her and ask what happened to just me and B helping out. W said " I have had other offers and want to spread the love and the eggs ( she has chickens). I just said ok what ever works for you is fine. I am annoyed because B and I were fine with doing it between the 2 of us and I feel like my offer has been rejected, also I can't be arsed filling in a group spreadsheet of the days I want to help when I offered for the whole 5 weeks and B the times when I can't do it. So I haven't filled in the spreadsheet. She since then messaged and said that she is going to the pub for dinner as a casual last hurrah before they leave and it would be nice if I could join for a drink or two.... I had already told her previously I was out Sat ( although don't expect her to remember) but I am thinking you are going out for dinner but just asking me to join for a drink ( lol) Any way I reminded her I was out and then she followed this up by telling me there are still 2 days available for me to help with the animals and the house!!!! AVAILABLE?? like she is doing me a favour! For me its like Me and B's offer wasn't suitable or she wanted back up who knows but am I being unreasonable thinking this is NOT the way to go about it and she has definately put my back up

OP posts:
Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:41

Yes!! This ! Thanks for understanding.

OP posts:
GreatGateauxsby · 06/12/2023 07:38

BullAndDoring · 06/12/2023 05:12

She's going away for 6 weeks - that's a big time commitment to ask of 2 people - what if one person becomes poorly and cannot help out? That leaves the other person with much of the burdon. Much better to have a rota among a larger group over such a long period in my opinion.
Her priority is her pets welfare.

If her priority was her pets welfare she'd get a reliable sitter and pay them for it.

Given she has a spa and pool we can assume she's good for a few hundred...

I think she was purposely opaque and mislead the OP who does a very generous and helpful thing for her so she can bigger off gallivanting without a care.

OP, sod the drink(s)
I would go for a text along the lines of "oh no! don't worry about me, I look after them so often anyway so am not missing out at.all. I'll let someone else enjoy the love and eggs (you are lucky to have so many enthusiastic volunteers!). Enjoy the long trip - hope it's fabulous!"

icelollycraving · 06/12/2023 07:35

She wants you to pay?!

stayathomer · 06/12/2023 07:29

She thinks the pool, spa and eggs trumps you feeding the animals and that she is doing you a favour. A bit mad really!!!

ZekeZeke · 06/12/2023 07:26

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 06/12/2023 05:45

Going against the flow, but I'd be annoyed too. She was specifically asked if it was just the two of you because otherwise you'd feel uncomfortable using the pool and spa and she confirmed you were. 'Sharing the love and eggs..."yeah right. It's a recipe for disaster, stay well away. Someone is bound to message others "Oh I can't do today, could someone please take care of it for me?" On repeat!

"Oh don't worry about me. You seem to have plenty of others who are very keen so I'll leave it to them to partake in the love and eggs! Have a great time and I'll see you when you get back."

I would feel the same.
Also, every Tom, Dick and Harry using the facilities is a recipe for disaster, guaranteed. People won't clean up after themselves, will have different standards-stay well away!

Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:24

Massive overreaction?? lol I haven’t reacted massively or reacted at all, I’m slightly annoyed and asked a bunch of people unrelated if they would be too? I just haven’t filled in the bloody spreadsheet! It’s clunky and I have been bloody busy and it’s a low priority when I have already told her when I can help. I’m ok with her getting others in too. She should have filled in the spreadsheet herself and said these are the days you have all said you can help can you check I have fill got this correct? ( we all had told her the days we could help in the chat) instead of working it out herself she sent an empty spreadsheet.

OP posts:
ChocolateCinderToffee · 06/12/2023 07:22

I wouldn’t want to get involved when there are so many people helping out. Someone is going to lose a chicken or forget to turn up.

DimOGwbl · 06/12/2023 07:19

She wants people to PAY for the use of the house?
No thanks. CF.

Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:18

Thanks! Yep that’s my thinking

OP posts:
Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:17

Such strong feelings for 2 people you don’t know!

OP posts:
DoubleTime · 06/12/2023 07:15

I would be wary of getting involved due to the potential for the plans to go awry - people cancelling last minute, not showing up when they are meant to, and the concern that if any one misuses the property then OP could be blamed. Its a lot different from what was initially agreed - taking on the responsibility with one other person that OP knows.

I would also have been irritated by the message 'there are still 2 days available for me to help with the animals and the house' - makes it obvious what the drink invite was really about and if this was a clumsy attempt to address the fact that she realised OP hadn't participated in the spreadsheet because she was feeling put out, then she really should have spoken with OP about it. Its the least she could do after OP has helped her out so many times in the past.

Didimum · 06/12/2023 07:15

I think you’re overreacting. You sound possessive over the ‘job’. Her asking you to the pub for a drink is just how people phrase an invite when they know you might be busy. The phrase ‘available’ also just sounds like a throwaway descriptor. You said you would help and then didn’t fill out the sheet – I doubt you told her you wouldn’t fill it in or that you wouldn’t be helping anymore, and she’s not a mind reader. You sound like anything she does will annoy you at this point, and it’s unwarranted.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 06/12/2023 07:13

'Those dates might be available, but I'm not. Enjoy your holiday and shove your spreadsheet up your hoop'

ohdamnitjanet · 06/12/2023 07:13

Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:05

That was an option but she wanted someone in the house to look after her pets and pay her for the use of the house

What? I’m with you @Notastayathomemum , she sounds horribly entitled and I’d leave everyone else to it. What’s the point in having all those animals and being away all the time anyway - then expecting free help. Fuck that.

Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:12

It’s ok, tbh in the past we have really only used the pool once or twice but cleaned it more often.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:09

No not reverse, she doesn’t reciprocate but I also don’t ask as my neighbour is more reliable when we go away

OP posts:
Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:08

Yes she is which is fine and a good idea, I think it more HOW - sending an empty spreadsheet for us to choose which dates … I’m all for sharing the load but I think it’s more the way it’s been done/ communicated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:06

Not doing any, like another girl on the list I’ll be back up as I have already said I’m free on certain days.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notastayathomemum · 06/12/2023 07:05

That was an option but she wanted someone in the house to look after her pets and pay her for the use of the house

OP posts:
Gringlebat · 06/12/2023 06:51

I would be delighted to get out of doing an extra job in the cold. I would be celebrating. The opposite of offended!

StayingUpSleepingIn · 06/12/2023 06:46

Do the two days, use the pool and spa for 6 weeks with the other person who was originally helping. Seems perfect.

liveforsummer · 06/12/2023 06:44

I get you OP. You'd sorted the arrangements for her pets, that you always take good care of then she went and made whole other plans then left you with a couple of days which she's presented like some kind of favour to you. I'd do as a pp suggests and decline. Say I see you have it well covered this time so will leave you to it. Tbh it sounds like lots can go wrong with so many people involved (who likely don't give a stuff about the animals - just the pool) so best to stay well out of it

Aliceinnorthernland · 06/12/2023 06:38

I'd say that if she is wealthy enough for a pool and spa and a six week holiday, she can afford a pet sitter.

AngelAurora · 06/12/2023 06:38

She is trying to share the load, get over it.

PickledPurplePickle · 06/12/2023 06:36

Is this a reverse?

Most people would be happy that there was more help. What if someone gets sick or has an emergency

6’weeks is a long time

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