To rant about this

Oh dear, I think someone needs to read the post you actually quoted.

Here, I'll give you a hand.

IF she decides.

You're welcome 👍

Frankly? You don't like the clients, get another job. You don't like the job? Retrain. Most people find their job changes over time and they have to adapt or move on.

It's not your job to parent their kids. You look after them, that's all. You don't like how they parent, just find a family more in line with your views and practices.

I stood and watched a parent and child whilst i was waiting for the bus, the mum was stood between the bus stop and wall, the child( about 3) beside her was twirling round swinging a pack of nappies, she was in the middle of a busy pavement, mum's reaction was " Aria please come over here, Aria you are in the way, Aria please come here" on and on she went, never once moved her child. The lovely sweet child continued until she hit the walking stick of an old gentleman that the mum had seen trying to get past. The bone idle woman never even bothered to pick the walking stick up for the old man or apologise. Eventually she picked the lovely Aria up and even when the Princess Aria was belting her in the face she still didn't tell her off. The woman sums up way too many parents these days.

In the last month I have been forced to go for dental treatment twice, had a blood test and my BP taken and gone to the opticians for a diabetic eye screening.

When I worked in a school (10 years ago in a support role) I loved working with the disadvantaged kids. They would see me in the corridor and tell their friends to stop swearing “because miss doesn’t like it and we like her”. When they came to my office I’d be clear I was there for them but I had rules and no swearing was one of them.

middle class kids… urgh, nightmare (not all, just certain ones. My own dc are middle class but with clear expectations).

This is just lovely.

This made me tear up. The gratitude from his mum.

It made me gulp a bit too!

When my mother died my Year 11 form knew why I was off work and when I returned they came upstairs like a herd of elephants and ground to a halt by the door, almost like a domino rally where they all crash into each other! After doing the register in a silent room I sent them down to assembly and started to clear the desk, one real bete noir was last to get up but he came over to me, patted my hand and said You OK love? I was till you did that!!

That too was a school in a rough area, more than once I've said where I worked and the reply's been Bloody hell, you must be mad!

There's a lot of misinformation about gentle parenting. It isn't the same thing as permissive parenting, or just crap parenting. Gentle parenting involves boundaries and consequences, but without harsh authoritarian behaviour; no shouting, no smacking, no "do as you're told because I say so, or else". Instructions tend to include reasoning, and consequences tend to be natural rather than punitive for the sake of it (eg no lift because you weren't ready, rather than a week of no phone because you disobeyed). The idea is that children learn to do the right thing because it's the right thing, rather than because if they don't they will be made to suffer by someone bigger than they are.

We were "gentle parents" in the above sense. There were certainly rules, expectations and consequences. Ours are young adults now. They don't lack manners or a social conscience. Gentle parenting isn't the problem. The reasons for the rise in behavioural and emotional problems in children are, surprise surprise, multifaceted and complex, related to many other social issues that affect quality of life; poverty and inequality, underfunded support services and education, dietary inadequacies, systematic issues with parental employment and childcare....but it's much easier to scapegoat parents (mothers, really) by blaming everything on a convenient buzzword.

I think the problem is some parents want a submissive, quiet "village" for their child. They expect babysitting left, right and centre from elderly parents, others to put up with their 'spirited' child running around a restaurant, and smile indulgently when child is inconveniencing other people.
Heaven forbid 'the village' ever corrects a child, tells them to not hit or used the word 'no' because 'Jemima has some big feelings she's working through '🙄

Boredom, disappointment, sadness, anger etc are all justifiable emotions in the right circumstances,

They also seem to expect school to be an extension of Netflix etc., they complain This is dead boring, yes love, it's simultaneous equations, it's not a Disney film.

This made me tear up. The gratitude from his mum.

I used to work in a school in a disadvantaged area, with ‘rough’ parents and children with violent behavioural issues. Those children were more respectful than the middle class children I interact with now

My first teaching job was in a very mixed well off/disadvantaged school in the early '70s and that was true even then. I once loaned a couple of pounds to a pupil who'd lost his money during a school residential, the posher kids were sneering You'll never see that again Miss! The day after we were back in school the boy stayed behind at the end of the lesson, pushed a couple of pound notes across my desk then extracted a little box of chocolates from his bag, There are from m'Mam, don't tell anyone, she says Ta. On the residential the posher kids refused to do their share of the work needed until they were told the error of their ways!

Yes, my mum too! She's 80 and for most of her working life she was a childcare professional. She is always gobsmacked at how much is organised for children these days and how little down-time they have to make their own entertainment, get creative or just chill.

Someone once told me, as I frantically tried to cook and clean and be pregnant and entertain a whirlwind 6 month old... that 'teaching independence is not neglect'. It really stuck with me, alongside the importance of natural consequences (without being permissive). Now my children are adults/older teens they are well-rounded, independent yet loving, humans.

I agree with you in the most part, OP. Have worked in education for nearly 20 years and also have 3 kids.

I definitely think that the old school style of parenting, any kind of physical punishment, making kids feel ashamed, being sent to their room, any kind of food related punishment- all very much NOT ok.

But nor do I think the current trend for gentle parenting when done wrong (often) is right either. There is a balance to be had, I definitely think it’s good to explain to children why you’re doing x or y for example, but that sometimes, there is no choice, or a closed choice of two answers and if they won’t choose, you choose for them.

Eg, you need to go to the post office with your toddler. You can either:

A) ask toddler if they would like to go, and when they scream and refuse, you say ok we’ll stay at home.
B) you tell your toddler we’re going and give them no choice even if they scream.
C) you say, ‘we’re going to the post office now, would you like to wear your shoes or your boots?’

Obviously I’ve over simplified it but basically I believe children should be given some choices, and be able to express their feelings, but there should also be some non negotiables and some hard nos on certain things.

Consistency and follow through, letting children feel those big feelings, but acknowledging that those feelings are normal and don’t need to be ‘fixed.’ I am not a perfect parent by ANY stretch of the imagination but some of the stuff I see/hear is just ridiculous.

I work in HE and the recent cohorts of students are the most pathetic creatures you have ever seen.

Whiny, incapable, entitled toddlers in adult bodies.

None of this has anything to do with gentle parenting.

This is an absence of parenting which they are pretending is something else. It’s very unfair to label it thus.

My 4 year old behaves impeccably 99% of the time. We have very high expectations for behaviour. On the rare occasions she doesn’t, there are consequences. We don’t scream and shout but we also don’t ignore it.

I see the poor behaviour you are talking about though, but it’s shitty parenting nothing else.

Definitely this.

Get out and retrain if you can, for your own sake. I left teaching in HE because I was expected to parent students, who didn't realise their education was their responsibility. It did wonders for my mental health.

Defo children need strong boundaries and discipline when young, otherwise they won't grow up to be functional adults.

All mammals can be observed to teach their young boundaries and punish them for overstepping.

Children want and need and welcome knowing where the boundaries are.

Otherwise, they end up chaotic and helpless, like some of the teenagers on the 'Moronic Teenagers' thread in AIBU today: calling 999 because their parents won't let them stay overnight with their boyfriends, or sitting in the dark for 2 hours because Alexa didn't automatically turn the lights on, or thinking you can get ill from eating 'raw toast' (yes, these are, sadly, allegedly real life examples).

Jaysus, retrain.

Haha yes exactly. That's it. Sometimes we all put up and shut up in this life and that is healthy and okay. It's not abuse, it's recognising how to behave in certain situations. Life shouldn't be curated around children's permanently pleasure and opinions.

You might as an adult host your in laws when you'd rather not, feed your neighbours cat when they're in hospital unexpectedly, eat vegetables if you're not into them but know they're good for you - sometimes you just have to crack on in this life and the idea that the world should be entirely about your own needs and pleasures is gross.

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but I did because I had to.

Children feel safer with boundaries, not control. Some choice and control is healthy but as someone who works with kids I worry for my own as people seem to be creating narcissists as far as I can see.

Yep, you don't build resilience sitting at home on screens, being pandered too. You don't get manners that way either.
I went to an extended family party and every single child in the room except mine was on a device, phone/ tablet/ console.

It's revolting. You can do a journey without screens, you attend a party - even a boring adult one. My kids were annoyed because I wouldn't let them do that, but honestly I think it's shoddy manners. Boredom is healthy. Respecting your hosts is important.

My grandson just turned 4. His favourite saying currently is, “Oh but I WANT it/to”. To which the answer is “I know you do, sweetie, but right now (something else)”. And then holding the line. Until the next thing he WANTS or NEEDS. It’s a phase, he’s just testing whether no once might sometimes be yes if asked enough times, and he’s very persistent. But ultimately he’s learning no means no.