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Original poster

Office Lunchtime dilemma

41 replies

Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername · 05/12/2023 18:50

Long time member but I've been a bit of a serial name changer lately as my original one about a certain video game doesn't seem appropriate now my dc are older teens. So as my username suggests any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Anyway I mostly work from home and only go in the office once a week sometimes less than that. My husband loves making lunches. He makes them for himself and the boys if they want them and me. Fine infact brilliant when I was in the office fulltime. But now I only go in once a week I want to treat myself. So I say to my dh I think I'll treat myself and buy myself something at work. But then he'll say its OK I'll save you the bother I'll make your lunch when I do mine. Or it's no trouble I don't mind making your lunch. He even puts in lovely notes that makes me smile. Or he'll say OK but then in the morning he'll say I made your lunch after all for you. If I was wanting to eat out every day I'd understand it but once a week as a treat. Why not?

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Hubblebubble · 05/12/2023 21:49

Or give the sandwich to a homeless person

Hubblebubble · 05/12/2023 21:49

I'm team second lunch. Embrace your inner hobbit.

BIWI · 05/12/2023 20:10

I really don't get why you think this is a dilemma @Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername! He's doing something that you don't want him to do - no matter how 'nice' it might be, or how much it's framed as saving you money.

You don't want him to do that - and by him so doing it, it's preventing you from having a treat. (Which I presume you're spending your own, hard-earned money on?)

It's quite controlling behaviour on his part. But wet lettuce behaviour on yours!

Just tell him, very clearly, that when you next go into the office you do not want him to make you lunch.

And if he still does it, then just leave it behind. But when you get home, point out that it's now a waste of money, and that you had told him not to make your lunch.

Renamed · 05/12/2023 19:57

Tell him you have a lunchtime meeting and they are providing sandwiches?

TheCountIsPale · 05/12/2023 19:55

I would eat it for lunch then go out for a post lunch coffee, saves money, still get to go out. Having said that I’m in office most days and would love to not always have to buy lunch out!

kiwiaddict · 05/12/2023 19:53

Catopia · 05/12/2023 19:51

Is his love language acts of service? If he likes doing it for you because it's his way of showing he loves you, he will feel rejected if you refuse. What about suggesting just a mid-morning snack - so he still gets to make a little "sumthing sumthing" with love for you, but explain that you feel you are missing out on the social side of going into the office if you don't go out to lunch with your colleagues on the one day that you see them so you really don't want the full packed lunch - not because the food out is better, but because the social side of going in is important for those work relationships.

No. She doesn't WANT it. Why should she eat two things??

I have a small appetite so I can't do both, and I wouldn't want to. His love language needs to be the same language as hers

BoredofBlonde · 05/12/2023 19:53

LTB

purpleme12 · 05/12/2023 19:52

Give it to someone at work.
I'd love to have someone make me dinner 🤣

Catopia · 05/12/2023 19:51

Is his love language acts of service? If he likes doing it for you because it's his way of showing he loves you, he will feel rejected if you refuse. What about suggesting just a mid-morning snack - so he still gets to make a little "sumthing sumthing" with love for you, but explain that you feel you are missing out on the social side of going into the office if you don't go out to lunch with your colleagues on the one day that you see them so you really don't want the full packed lunch - not because the food out is better, but because the social side of going in is important for those work relationships.

kiwiaddict · 05/12/2023 19:50

YABU for not finishing the conversation with:

"No honestly, I want to buy something tomorrow."

If he proceeded to make me lunch after I'd said that I'd get irritated with him, and refuse to eat it that day (I'd eat it the next).

Mrsphilmiller · 05/12/2023 19:47

Can you pleeeease tell us what lunch he makes you!

cockwomble73 · 05/12/2023 19:46

If he still made it when I'd expressly told him I had other plans for lunch I'd just leave it in the fridge for the next day.

TheChosenTwo · 05/12/2023 19:44

This would really piss me off to be honest.
I get that you’re trying to save money but that doesn’t mean you have to forgo everything that brings you small amounts of happiness.
I wfh 4 days a week and am in the office just 1. I enjoy that 1 day as I get to eat lunch out and often with colleagues too. I wouldn’t be forgoing that to sit in the staffroom on my own eating out of my sad Tupperware.
Leave the lunch behind and tell him thanks but no thanks.

Sconehenge · 05/12/2023 19:42

How about you take and eat the lunch and then go to a cafe for a coffee and little pastry or something as the treat instead of a full lunch. There is really nothing particularly delicious about the lunch offerings in the city but it’s nice to have a coffee and something tasty!

easylikeasundaymorn · 05/12/2023 19:41

just say 'Oh that's nice of you but I did tell you I was going out for lunch today. Either you can have it or I'll look forward to eating it tomorrow.' Then leave the lunch at home. Otherwise you're confusing him, if you take the food he thinks you do want it so will keep making it.

Although to be fair if the lunches he makes are nice and you're just buying a standard pret type thing out I can understand why a) he doesn't get that to you it's a treat, and b) if you are trying to save money it is a bit of a waste if he can make you something just as nice. If it's more the company (that you go out for lunch with colleagues) that's the treat then tell him that.

Sapphire387 · 05/12/2023 19:41

We need more detail. What's in this lunch? 😁

HarryOHayandBettyOBarley · 05/12/2023 19:40

Don't take it. If you've already said you don't want it and he makes it anyway, I'm not sure he's being as 'nice' as you think.

If you do take it, then bring some tinfoil with you and wrap it up and hand it to the first homeless person you see.

beanontoast · 05/12/2023 19:36

If you’re trying to save money it makes more sense that he keeps doing it. Idk about you but lunch these days seems to be a tenner a time anywhere. Can you take the lunch and get a coffee/cake if you still want a treat?

LadyChilli · 05/12/2023 19:35

thedukeofbuckinghamshire · 05/12/2023 19:19

Take it. Eat at 10am as first lunch. Have treat second lunch at lunchtime. Job done!

Good to see some common sense being spoken.

SuspiciousSue · 05/12/2023 19:33

That’s so sweet that he wants to do that 💕 Just let him and enjoy the fact that he loves you so much. I like the fact he does little notes. I did that once for my husband when he started a new job. The bugger went out for lunch with his new team and the box was unopened all day and I had to show him 🙄 He said he was gutted he’d missed the surprise.

Ktime · 05/12/2023 19:30

Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername · 05/12/2023 19:10

Part of it is because we are trying to save money and he knows I don't particularly like making sandwiches so he sees it as if he makes sandwiches for me that's a treat too.

Tell him you will be buying lunch so if he makes you a lunch it will be wasted money.

Then leave it behind.

He needs to see you mean it and the lunch will be abandoned!

Anneta · 05/12/2023 19:29

Put the lunch in your fridge & eat it in the evening. Or take it with you & eat it for breakfast.

Neriah · 05/12/2023 19:27

Pleasehelpmefindagoodusername · 05/12/2023 19:03

I do. He still makes them

Show quote history

Seems like a terrible waste so you'll have to take two lunches, because I TOLD YOU I'D BE OUT AND DON'T NEED LUNCH.

purplecorkheart · 05/12/2023 19:27

Don't suppose he would do a blog of lunchbox ideas. I am stuck in a rut and could really do with ideas.

I know you should be direct but sometimes a white lie is easier. Could you say that x and y are going to be in the same day for regular meeting. You've agreed to go to cafe to have an informal catch up. Repeat as needs be

maddening · 05/12/2023 19:24

Say you'll have it for dinner when you get home