To get down because other DC's are so high achieving.

@Weddingpuzzle I think this is one of the best posts I’ve ever read on mumset, laminate it and print it out! Happiness is what’s important, not grades.

School results are important for a start up in some careers, but not everyone wants that.

I wish I’d thought more about what would make me happy rather than what was deemed ‘success’

My DC sit their GCSEs next year, they are hard workers and put effort into whatever they do. They are likely to get mainly 6s and 7s which they are pleased with so, of course, I am pleased that’s where they are heading. I don’t tell anyone about their parent evenings or their school reports although they are both good. The reason I don’t is because of their older sibling who had lots of potential but whose behaviour at school was appalling, he basically gave up on school and has left many other education opportunities since. Seeing all those glowing reviews of other peoples children doing brilliantly broke my heart at the time and I decided not to be part of that anymore (I had bragged a lot about my eldest ds’s achievements prior to this). My DC prefer their information is kept private and love the at home treats for great work so I think it’s a good balance. My DD, who is younger, gets the same rewards for good effort so I don’t mention her either.
In contrast, I often see social media posts by the parents of children I work with around reports/parents evening times and can say there is definitely some poetic licence being taken - some of the children are unrecognisable in their parents posts 😉

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

I was a bright spark at school but barely scraped a degree and have a very average career

But I'm happy. I have more interests in my life than what I do for a job. That's a really boring metric of success.

As long as your children work hard and are happy, results are really irrelevant.

I pushed myself to be strong academically as my mother sure the hell wasn't going to.

So I pushed my own children to do their very best so they could excel in life.

But bragging about it, probably just to family as before social media and besides nobody else really gives a shite.

I know what you mean @GardenGnomic but then you have to ask yourself why 54% of young people say they are depressed (or whatever it is).

I know this isn't tone thread has gone down but God yes! And its not just academics - other kids get not just great university results but prizes for best in year, or are county level at sport, or are on tour with their band at 16.

I sometimes feel bad that i didnt push an extra curricular more.

Your role is to help your child fulfill their potential.

In a cafe recently with a couple of friends and when the conversation came round to one friends dd’s (excellent) exam results, she very obviously increased the volume of her voice so that all the people seated in that area of the cafe could hear! It was embarrassing.

My dd really had to put the work in. She got onto the college course that she wanted which will put her into the industry she wants to work in. And my dd is nice and everyone knows she’s nice. My friends dd is really mean and unkind at times. So I’m proud of my dd and I’m glad that we are a humble family and that I don’t feel a need to brag loudly in a cafe. I’d rather be us.

The kids feel it as well don't they?

Let me tell you a story.

My aunt and cousins were living with us at the time I started high school.

My cousin and I started high school on the same day at seperate girls' schools.

I got a bunch of O Levels, she got a couple of O levels and a few CSEs.

We went to the same VI form, she wanted to go there, I didn't but after 2 years I had some crap A Levels and she got UUU.

We both went in to HE as adults.

I now live in a HA home on a council estate and I'm on benefits.

She is deputy head of a primary school and owns her own home.

Be proud of your child's achievements at GCSE, whatever they get. They can dictate the next couple of years, but they do not dictate your entire future.

I find it so hard to get the balance right.

DD is very academic, works really hard, would have been diagnosed with Asperger's in old money, she's that obsessed and 100% in certain subjects. She was top in her school for GCSEs. So I'm the proud doting mum for her results and achievements.

DS is what I badly describe as "normal". He'll get 5s and 6s, maybe a 7 in his favourites. And that'll get him where he wants to be and that's fine too. But he's also battled anxiety around school attendance and MH issues following covid. So for him to just get up and carry on in the morning makes me just as proud. But that's harder to write on social media or whatever, so I feel like I'm always praising DD.

They should never have changed it to numbers either. A "6" sounds a bit shit compared to "B".

One of mine was a late maturerer. He did at the last minute scrape grade Cs in many GCSEs, which was a pleasant surprise after not doing so in mocks. He got into college, started to flourish, got BCC. Got an aspirational offer accepted at a university that weighted towards disadvantaged areas and was usually has higher grades. Really came into his own there, found he was better at focused individual study in one subject. Got a 2:1 and went onto stay for a Masters degree. The fidgety boy with D/E in mocks who was a bit too unfocused to follow school lessons.
His sister was very academic at school, the model student. Everyone compared them. They ended up with the same university outcomes and in jobs they wanted, just one for school better. It was sad he spent so many years thinking he wasn’t as bright.
School really isn’t the be all and end all, they can achieve post 16… or totally bomb after good GCSEs.

Just remember school isn't always the best place to bring out learning. I know that my daughter who goes to a mixed comp is endlessly distracted by the incessant bickering of her friendship group and other pupils who are a handful. I do worry this is a distraction that will affect her results.
There's always college and other pathways to good careers/jobs and a decent income.

As long as your child does THEIR best that's really what matters. Encourage them, support them, celebrate THEIR victories, and prepare them to be decent, caring and well rounded humans. Exam results do matter for some careers, undeniably, but there's loads of folk with mediocre results who just did their best to find a job/career that suits them and who are no less happy than the school 'high achievers'.

There's more to life than exam results. Not all kids are academic. Not all adults will go on to have dazzling careers. I certainly didn't but have still created a lovely life for myself and have had success in other ways.

I've got one son who's very bright and could coast academic subjects - but finds it hard to apply himself. Another one who isn't so bright but does okay. The latter one is doing really well at work because he applies himself and never upsets anyone. The other one is still at uni but I think he might find the working environment harder as he's a bit of a free spirit.

No point in boasting about them. I'm proud of both of them but nothing to do with academic work, much more that they're decent human beings.

The point is that academic success isn't the key to a happy life necessarily. I'm one of those that was bright at school (ended up flunking but that's a long story!) and have had a pretty mediocre work life, although pretty happy now with what I'm doing. Being personable is far more important in a work context.

Also those parents that live through their children's achievements can see it backfire if they end up dropping out because of the pressure or resenting them for pushing them through it.

I loathe the comparing , I had it all my childhood from my mother.
I never, ever did it with my DCs, so long as they did their best that was all that mattered. They are both doing very well as adults and are lovely people too which is what really matters.

One of my DC is very academic and the other has dyslexia and found school a struggle.

They have both done well in different fields. I think soft skills and the ability to work with others are far more important in the world of work.

No one will care about their GCSE results a few years down the line.

I know someone who was He ad Boy but flunked his A Levels because of it[and girlfriend].
I could tell you other stories as well.

So yes, count your blessings.

People can go far[if that is what you are most concerned about] if they are reliable, punctual and all those other things.

Look I worked in a shop where every single shop assistant had at least one degree. The shop was owned by someone without GCSE's. He had started with a market stall, now a millionaire. Academic success is only really important if you want to work as an academic.

@Greyskyrain

The older I get, the less I think it’s about academics and joining the rat race. It’s more to do with happiness and making a positive contribution. My brother was a very high achiever. I rarely see him now, but when I do he seems constantly stressed, overweight, medical issues.

I think it’s about seeking the positive experiences and joy out of life. Which are more important than a high earning, stressful life - which might give you a big house and lots of material wealth : but are you ultimately happy?

I have (now adults) at both ends of the academic spectrum.
Eldest... 'high flyer' top grades at GCSE and A level.. off to med school etc. Yes very bright, but along with it came anxiety, absolute perfectionism, and anorexia. We didn't put any pressure on her.. she is just that personality.

Youngest.. no gcses whatsoever, special school. Has held a full time job for 7 years since leaving school and has more savings that I ever will I do feel sad that he's unlikely to ever marry or leave home, but I am incredibly proud of what he has achieved, as is his high flying sister!

DS1 was very average at school..scraped through. Yet he's living a great life in |Australia! Grades are not everything!!

Hypocrite. A post shaming those who boast but doing exactly that!

My child is average but it genuinely never fazes me I only think of it when I see people mention it mainly on forums

They are a good person and that really is enough for me

Cheered me up this thread as remembered I didn’t do that well at school. I failed a couple of o levels and had to resit. Found what I was good at it in life and it worked out.