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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it me? Or him?

32 replies

museumum · 03/12/2023 17:56

We are in the house after a family lunch out. Doing chores and just hanging out, each doing their own thing. Open plan space. Me, dc and dh. Is it reasonable for dh to wear headphones?

OP posts:
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Fairtobefairohhhhhc · 03/12/2023 20:02

I wish my DH would use headphones! I got some for the dc too! Try listening to 4 kids listening to different things plus your dh at the same time. We have like a gadget hour where they are free to do what they want. But when it's all going on, I don't want to hear it all!

I also have a weekly book club via zoom. One hour on a Tuesday and one hour on a Friday. I use headphones too. It's a new thing and I don't have any other hobbies. No one bats an eyelid

FairytaleOfKent · 03/12/2023 19:56

It depends if he has headphones on all evening apart from at dinner. I would find that rude but if it's for an hour or two then YABU.

RobertaFirmino · 03/12/2023 19:36

Maybe he wants to concentrate on the podcast without being interrupted? My DH is like this, interrupting my footy for something completely pointless. Gets on my nerves, we have all weekend to 'chat', why try and talk over one of the most important things in my life?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 03/12/2023 19:21

Yes. You say everyone is doing their own thing so maybe he is decompressing. Would it be OK for you to do that? Unless you stated you wanted time, chat or shared activity I can't see issue.

FrecklyFrog · 03/12/2023 19:17

museumum · 03/12/2023 18:35

See for me it wouldn’t be “odd” at dinner time. It would be utterly 100% unacceptable for anyone in the family to wear headphones through dinner!!!
i suppose I’m just less tolerant than most of you.

Show quote history

Yes, unacceptable in this house too, I was just meaning that would be properly strange behaviour - whereas I don't find your example that annoying personally. You're absolutely entitled to have your own tolerance levels on anything though!

Monwmum · 03/12/2023 18:49

My DH does this and it really irritates me. We will all be sitting together watching TV and he will have one headphone in and watching some crap on YouTube at the same time. I think it's really rude and I've told him so but he doesn't seem to care 🙄

In all other ways he's great so maybe it's just bite my tongue time 🤔

You are not weird to want to chat to your husband!!

Original poster
museumum · 03/12/2023 18:35

FrecklyFrog · 03/12/2023 18:30

It would be odd if it was during dinner, or during cuppa and a cake or something - prime chatting time. But if he's listening to music, podcast, videos, etc then I don't see it as any different to someone sitting reading a book. You wouldn't interrupt them all the time to chat then either?

See for me it wouldn’t be “odd” at dinner time. It would be utterly 100% unacceptable for anyone in the family to wear headphones through dinner!!!
i suppose I’m just less tolerant than most of you.

OP posts:
Original poster
museumum · 03/12/2023 18:33

This thread has been useful though. It’s me that’s weird. I can accept that. I’ll not say anything. I’m just a bit lonely I guess.

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Lampshade88 · 03/12/2023 18:32

AlaskanSnow · 03/12/2023 18:22

My DH does this.
It pisses me off because it then makes me default for the kids, even though we are both in the house.

I agree - it makes you the default parent and if you don’t want to be then it’s wrong. Probably worth a discussion as it seems your feeling lonely. Does he leave you to parent most of the time?

Original poster
museumum · 03/12/2023 18:31

Not posted about this before.

we don’t really get any time together mon-Fri.
He would just rather listen to podcasts or whatever all weekend too even when we’re all in the same space together.
I suppose that makes me rather needy and pathetic but I’d like to be able to chat at the weekends.

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FrecklyFrog · 03/12/2023 18:30

It would be odd if it was during dinner, or during cuppa and a cake or something - prime chatting time. But if he's listening to music, podcast, videos, etc then I don't see it as any different to someone sitting reading a book. You wouldn't interrupt them all the time to chat then either?

Amchoor · 03/12/2023 18:30

You don't have to chat constantly, maybe he wants a bit of time to himself. What a weird thread.

OhComeOnFFS · 03/12/2023 18:27

Is he listening to something specific or just fancies listening to music for an hour, or is he wearing them constantly so that he doesn't have to interact with your or your child?

girljulian · 03/12/2023 18:26

Utterly baffled by the idea that he shouldn’t! I don’t want to listen to my husband’s podcasts so he wears headphones as a courtesy, but “while doing chores” is peak podcast listening time.

Sirzy · 03/12/2023 18:24

museumum · 03/12/2023 18:07

when do you chat if each person has headphones on? I guess people store up all their thoughts and chit chat comments until a sit down dinner together?

Surely the chatting happened during the family meal out?

i would see the problem is it was all day every day but for a few hours chill then I don’t see an issue

justalittlesnoel · 03/12/2023 18:23

Yes, it's totally fine especially if you're all doing your own things in an open plan space.

Have you posted about this before? If not there's definitely been some similar threads recently, might be worth a search for the advice on those ones too 😊

Edinvillian · 03/12/2023 18:23

Yes, I do this. Sometimes I just cover one ear so that I can hear if someone talks to me.

AlaskanSnow · 03/12/2023 18:22

My DH does this.
It pisses me off because it then makes me default for the kids, even though we are both in the house.

Aydahayda · 03/12/2023 18:18

Maybe he needs a moment with his own thoughts. We all do sometimes

thaisweetchill · 03/12/2023 18:16

Yes, I've just spent the last 2 hours cooking our dinner/chores with my headphones in while DP and DS watch the football and play. It's like having my own time but not out the house. If they need me I can still hear and speak to them.

Would be different if you were all sat on the sofa watching something?

sixteenfurryfeet · 03/12/2023 18:08

My DH wears headphones whenever he's listening to football/results or when he's watching some god-awful endlessly repetitive guitar-lick thing on youtube. Thank goodness he does, otherwise it would drive me crackers.

Mind you OP, if yours is doing it to deliberately shut himself off from the dc and not interact with them, then I wouldn't much like that.

Original poster
museumum · 03/12/2023 18:07

when do you chat if each person has headphones on? I guess people store up all their thoughts and chit chat comments until a sit down dinner together?

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Schoolrunmumbun · 03/12/2023 18:05

However- if he is doing it to passive aggressively say "I don't want to be with you lot, look at me blocking you out" that could be hurtful and unreasonable.

Schoolrunmumbun · 03/12/2023 18:04

Much better for him to wear headphones than to force the rest of you to listen to his podcast or whatever.

I think if you are each doing your own thing, anyone or everyone could or should wear headphones.

I regularly beg my dp to use headphones instead of blasting me with his boring podcasts, sports, documentaries.

TooShortToReachThatShelf · 03/12/2023 18:03

Perfectly reasonable. Our house is open plan, so my husband watches tv whilst I listen to music with my headphones on

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