My life has fallen apart

I had a break down 6 years ago and was suicidal. I worked in social services, my mum and grandad were both dying and o was caring for them both and my son wo in the process of being diagnosed with asd and developmental delays. I couldn't cope.

I hit rock bottom then I got up. Got a fuckton of therapy, took up yoga and mindfulness and learnt to cope, quit my job, buried my mum and grandad and found a better job.

Life's not easy but it's better

"I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."
J.K. Rowling, Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination

Keep us updated op
X

Aaaaaaagggghhhhh I forgot to say the one thing I meant to say!

Which is, that there is one advantage of being in the shit, and that is that you have nothing to lose.

If you have the 5-bedroom semi and 3 children in leafy Surrey, no way can you risk trying something new. Too much is hanging on your shoulders.

If you can, use whatever freedoms are available to you, to explore what feels like a promising direction. It might take a while to locate. Follow your instinct for what makes you feel in control and confident, vs things that you're supposed to do that make you feel nervous and ungrounded.

Things are sliding off the table at my end. I just want to thank everyone for sharing their stories. It can feel as if you're the only one whose life is evaporating around them. Thank you.

Such inspiring stories.

What was your business? If irs anything where you can take existing hard earned skills and apply them to something new, do that

Also I just want to say a big "bless you" to all the inspirational stories on here 💗

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this shit situation OP, it must be hard to keep a lid on panic

As @DiscoStusMoonboots says
All it takes is one little glimmer of light, however small. Take each day at a time and take every opportunity and offer that comes your way. You will overcome this challenge.

I've picked myself up a few times. Met lovely DH#2 when I was in my 50s. Make considerably more £££ freelancing now (in my 60s) than I could have dreamed of in my 40s.

Try to focus clearly on where you want to live and what you enjoy doing. If you're in the right place, things will feel better on a day-to-day basis. If you had your own business, that means you're good at something. Have confidence in your abilities. You'd be surprised how rare it is to be really skilled and how much people are prepared to pay for someone who really knows what they're doing. Try to re-imagine a future where you don't undersell yourself. Who would be interested in what you do, and have the proper budget for it? Think think think 😊

Try to think in terms of "In 6 months' time, I'll review the situation and make another plan if necessary."

Be kind to yourself. Become your best friend and supporter. Every night when you go to bed, plan a little treat for yourself the next morning, even if it's just a breakfast you enjoy. Plan something for yourself later in the day, such as an online yoga/Pilates class. Take pride in the tiny incremental changes, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, that will add up to something really amazing over time.

i've slept on the streets and had years of moving from unstable living situation to unstable living situation. i finally got a council home and i am hopefully getting into some kind of employment in the next year so i can start saving for a pension. i honestly believe if you have a roof over your head and access to the internet, you can do anything these days.
whatever your business was, you'll have a accrued a huge wide range of skills and experience, which you can put onto a cv for a new career.

You absolutely can OP, when things are really crap I always imagine it as being about chapter 7 in a novel - when it all appears to be going to shit, before it takes a turn for the better.

Please see stepchange to get debts frozen, and citizens advice if you need help with landlords. Get yourself on the list of housing associations (it’ll take forever but get on the list now.)

From experience the PP’s suggestion of a live in companion job can be a good one if you have to give up your home. However, they are dead end jobs so only use it to retrain and sort yourself out.

In 2019 my then husband announced he wanted different things ... we all know what that means. I had a grown up child with sen, not been able to work full time consequently.

Ok we had significant equity which helped, but I did start again, met someone else who didn't mind me bringing my dd, moved, changed jobs and beating expectations and several false starts later dd is graduating this summer and also living alone!

We can reinvent ourselves older, I've retrained, but also realised I don't need stuff, I need happiness

Some of these stories are absolutely inspirational
Years ago, I separated from my partner and had to leave my home in another country. I came back to the UK homeless and with no support network. I don’t really have any supportive family and my friends had all moved on.
i ended up getting a job with accommodation and slowly building myself up from there. There have been many knocks between now and then but I am resilient and strong. I often look back at that version of myself with compassion and pride and wish I could reassure myself that everything will work out.
Good luck, OP. I’m sure that there are good things waiting for you. Sometimes the opportunity is around the corner you can’t yet see around

Sending you a virtual hug OP.

I have had a lot to deal with recently: health issues, hating my job, recovering from abuse, losing most of my 'friends' and having to start again in a completely new town last year where I knew no one. The only small house I could afford is ancient and constantly needs (costly) repairs. I am 53 today and spent my birthday alone today looking at my radiator valve leak...

And yet I am still here and fighting because I am not giving up and not giving life, or anyone, the satisfaction to beat me down. I got myself a cake and spent my day doing something I love: drawing and listening to soothing music.

I have more and more days where I am actually starting to feel happy again and take pleasure in various activities and I am even making plans for the future. Something I could not imagine three months ago when I was at my lowest and made plans to end it all. My complete breakdown was actually an opportunity to finally ask for help from professionals and realise that I was autistic. A light bulb moment for me as I always thought I was a constant failure and different from most people as I struggle with the basics in life that people seem to achieve so easily (relationship, friends, jobs)...

I know it is hard but you will get new opportunities even in hardship and meet new people in your life. It is never too late to start again and you will get there!

When you turn 50, you qualify for a residency visa to live on Bali.
Just sayin'!!

I'm so sorry to read this. But the first thing you need to know is that there IS ALWAYS hope. I've also been through the grinder, and came out the other end. I'm 51 now but in 2017, I had a mental and physical breakdown due to an awful relationship and nasty employer. I left my ex, I became homeless and without a support network around me (I'd moved to be with him but I had failed to make new friends despite trying hard). I was very unwell but at the time had no idea what was happening to me.I spent my savings on an Airbnb then crappy room in someone's tiny house.Depsite being unwell I had to find a new job - ended up working for more tyrants. A year later my health was a lot worse - I think I had another breakdown and possibly PTSD. But I was lucky to be helped with a mortgage by family so at least I had my own home and could find some stability.However, I then had to join a union to battle with my nasty employers who treated me like dirt and tried to fire me illegally knowing about my health issues and having a new mortgage. I fought back and left with a financial settlement.But I couldn't afford to take a break so I went freelance and have never stopped working, although I desperately needed to rest and recover. In early 2019 I was diagnosed with ME/CFS - a chronic autoimmune condition. But still, I couldn't afford to stop working. I was just getting things sorted when Covid hit. I lost my income, didn't qualify for any of the grants and so I prepared to sell my home. I managed to somehow save it. I managed to get in a few bits of work in late 2020 which helped pay for a functional medicine doctor who helped me sort out some of my health issues. She also told me I'd already gone through the menopause at 48 years old. I ended up changing my work through an unexpected opportunity that popped up in 2020 and now run a part-time consultancy in more rewarding work. And I have two part-time employed roles. Financially, I'm still struggling as I'm single and live alone. I have been to some very dark places and considered taking my own life. The NHS mental health support was beyond useless. So I've always had to find money for private therapy. I have to say that alhtough I'm often skint, the therapy has got me through some horrible times.I won't life: my life is nowhere near perfect and it is still tough due to the cost of living. I've developed ways to cope with my health issues, live on a single income and plan for my future. I have a basic social life again - I only worked and slept for 3 years. I see myself as being lucky. I'm also spiritual which helps me keep things into perspective, reminds me to be grateful for everything I've endured and focus on my goals.My advice is to look for as much help and support as you can get. You need a team around you - counsellor, citizen's advice, friends, family. Tell them what you're going through. Please don't keep things to yourself. You don't want to end up like me - I'm convinced that if I'd had a friendship circle around me when I had my breakdown, I would be a lot healthier and able to earn more money as a result. Also, 50 is a new chapter, and absolutely not the end of anything. If you make some good decisions now, your next decade could be your best years yet. And the crap you're going through now will make you a hell of a lot wiser and confident. I'm so much more confident in myself now, knowing I've gone through hell and found my way back.Good luck, OP. Stay strong. You've got this.

No direct experience but a couple of friends had to start over and went for supermarket and driving jobs, if that's an option.

Lots of advice here but just to add, there's free training out there

A poster here recently said she's on a government bootcamp for cybersecurity, free of charge

Lots of info here
https://skillsforlife.campaign.gov.uk/?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=PPC&utm_campaign=AdultSkills23_202307_0_All&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4KDv3aLxggMV1uDtCh1mYg6vEAAYAiAAEgLX-fD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Also, there's Google garage and lots of free training via LinkedIn.

I'd focus on getting whatever work you can first, to get sone cashflow.

I wish you all the best.

OP, I've been thinking of two of the women I know who were in similar situations to you and they both, for the first year or two while they got themselves sorted out, worked as live-in carers. It meant they had a room over their heads, some money and often a bit of space to get their heads together.

Trinity Care and Elder are two of the agency names I can remember. I don't know if it would be up your street. Obviously some clients and some jobs are better than others, but it's been part of a portfolio of work that has helped my friends get back on their feet again. And it's work you can feel good about.

Just a thought.

And also: Never miss the opportunity in a crisis/Never let a crisis go to waste.

@MistressoftheDarkSide
what a lovely post

Business people often go bust a couple of times before they have a successful business. In my experience, if you have the creativity and impetus to create a business, that is part of your make-up, and that drive will come back given the right conditions. It means you are inventive, thoughtful, courageous and flexible, and those qualities don't vanish just because a business didn't make it.

You need to take stock of your current situation, understand that you are able to put up with a lot more than you imagine, take it a day at a time, and put one foot in front of the other.

It's not even that you need encouragement, tbh. It's more that you need to take the time and space to recover, and then your inner resources will revive, it's in the nature of things.

@Feelingslightlyuneasy

Wonderful, positive message, thankyou for sharing and your encouragement for the OP.

What a lovely lovely offer, wouldn't it be serendipitous if something came of this? Mnet at its kindest xx

Just wanted to send some positive vibes to you and i sincerely hope you get back up on your feet soon . Bear in mind that they can come after you for money but ultimately they can't have what you haven't got . One door will shut and another will open . Good luck OP .

Oh, please, don't go comparing AH with the OP! AH was surrounded by wealth and privilege and people who supported her from an early age: Bernard Levin, anyone? Even if her life ever fell apart it wouldn't have left her facing homelessness, alone and owning nothing but a car.

OP, I'm not in your position but I've known various people who have been. And they've all come up with creative solutions and led interesting lives. I've shed 'stuff' as I've got older and nothing makes me happier than knowing that if I needed to, I could load everything I really need in my car and drive away and start up somewhere new. I wish you joy in this new stage of your life. I think too many of us get too comfortably stuck and only much, much later wish we'd had the spark to move on. Good luck.