Surviving the parentals

Wanttobekind · 2023-12-01T23:43:38+00:00

My father believes everything he reads in the Torygraph. My mother thinks Liz Truss was misunderstood. My mil reads the Daily Mail. My husband and I are grauniadistas. AIBU to cancel Christmas and move to New Zealand? Would Canada be better?

Lottapianos · 02/12/2023 09:19

'If the OP had said her parents believe single mothers are benefit scrounges and most young people are shiftless and entitled; if they talk about the invasion of foreigners taking up school and nhs space and social housing, and talking about how this country has gone to the dogs because Labour left office having spent all the money, and what's good man Johnson is, you might all change your facile condescending responses.'

Well exactly. It's all very well suggesting piously that we all 'respect others' opinions', but the truth is that we all have red lines and we decide that some opinions are just beyond the pale. And sometimes we have to spend time with people who hold those opinions, and sometimes they insist on talking about them, at great length. OP is obviously facing some if this over Christmas and was trying to blow off a bit of steam about it in a light-hearted way

anythinginapinch · 02/12/2023 09:12

If the OP had said her parents believe single mothers are benefit scrounges and most young people are shiftless and entitled; if they talk about the invasion of foreigners taking up school and nhs space and social housing, and talking about how this country has gone to the dogs because Labour left office having spent all the money, and what's good man Johnson is, you might all change your facile condescending responses.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/12/2023 09:03

Maybe stop looking down on people who think differently to you.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 02/12/2023 09:02

Lottapianos · 02/12/2023 08:49

@ALightOverThere , that's a very sensible and useful post. I've definitely been guilty of taking the James O'Brien approach to politics discussions in the past and it's never turned out well. It's hard to stay cool if you feel your buttons getting pushed, but you are absolutely not ever going to convince someone who has the opposite opinion to you, so there's really no point trying. Listening is a much better idea

OP, the obvious suggestion is don't talk politics. Avoid it on pain of death. That's what I have to do with my Boris Johnson loving, Daily Mail reading friend. However, some people can't leave it alone, and have to talk AT YOU about political stuff they have read or seen. If that's the case, I feel for you, and I think you might have to tackle it head on, by suggesting that everyone parks the politics for the sake of harmony. Good luck

So you agree with op, that she with her 'Grundiadista' views is correct and she will be kindly benevolent and the better person than her 'Torygraph' family for putting up with them?

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 02/12/2023 08:58

Leafysuburb · 02/12/2023 07:52

Store a bingo card in the kitchen and fill it out every time they wander onto tricky topics and count to ten before you return to the living room.

Or wear earbuds, listen to a good audoobook and just nod blankly

Good idea, everyone should get one, with a purity spiral version for the op!

InSpainTheRain · 02/12/2023 08:53

It's perfectly possible to get on with people who have different views -especially when they are older and/or family. Just keep away from politics and don't rise to anything. It's also often easier to do something together rather than just sit and chat which Is where problems can occur.

Maybe suggest a nice walk together, a meal out or see a play/show together. That way you spend time together but don't get on to thorny topics.

Lottapianos · 02/12/2023 08:49

@ALightOverThere , that's a very sensible and useful post. I've definitely been guilty of taking the James O'Brien approach to politics discussions in the past and it's never turned out well. It's hard to stay cool if you feel your buttons getting pushed, but you are absolutely not ever going to convince someone who has the opposite opinion to you, so there's really no point trying. Listening is a much better idea

OP, the obvious suggestion is don't talk politics. Avoid it on pain of death. That's what I have to do with my Boris Johnson loving, Daily Mail reading friend. However, some people can't leave it alone, and have to talk AT YOU about political stuff they have read or seen. If that's the case, I feel for you, and I think you might have to tackle it head on, by suggesting that everyone parks the politics for the sake of harmony. Good luck

SutWytTi · 02/12/2023 08:38

Galiana · 02/12/2023 07:55

I'm not sure it's a lighthearted thread;

Guardianistas?

Torygraph?

It's not funny or lighthearted, it's ridiculous schism for no reason other than we have let social media tell us that there is no discussion.

@thebabessavedme you pour alcohol down your antedeluvian father's neck rather than let him talk about politics because he reads the Telegraph? And tell him to STFU??

Fucking hell. You need to have a word with yourself

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It is lighthearted. And you're the one getting aggressive and ranty on this thread.

@thebabessavedme was also being lighthearted.

thebabessavedme · 02/12/2023 08:38

OP, I think its the cold weather getting everyone in a ranty huff

SweetFemaleAttitude · 02/12/2023 08:35

'the parentals'?

My god. I think the question should be how are they going to survive you!

Surprised you said 'DH' and not 'the hubster'

FUPAgirl · 02/12/2023 08:34

You sound very young! Just chill and enjoy Christmas and never mind what paper anyone reads. Chill out!

thebabessavedme · 02/12/2023 08:31

BTW, we wouldn't let you have him, we love him dearly, ranty quirks and all!

thebabessavedme · 02/12/2023 08:29

@Galiana Oh yes we feed him alcohol like a christmas cake, it makes him all soft and gooy with a pleasant aroma.

If you would care to listen to him rant about the 4Ps for several hours please feel free to invite him over!

fishonabicycle · 02/12/2023 08:25

There are so many people on Mumsnet who are so po faced. This is obviously a light hearted thread. I'm sure the OP loves her parents.

Galiana · 02/12/2023 07:55

SutWytTi · 02/12/2023 07:36

I think you missed that this is a light-hearted thread. You sound bitter and intolerant yourself!

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I'm not sure it's a lighthearted thread;

Guardianistas?

Torygraph?

It's not funny or lighthearted, it's ridiculous schism for no reason other than we have let social media tell us that there is no discussion.

@thebabessavedme you pour alcohol down your antedeluvian father's neck rather than let him talk about politics because he reads the Telegraph? And tell him to STFU??

Fucking hell. You need to have a word with yourself

Leafysuburb · 02/12/2023 07:52

Store a bingo card in the kitchen and fill it out every time they wander onto tricky topics and count to ten before you return to the living room.

Or wear earbuds, listen to a good audoobook and just nod blankly

ALightOverThere · 02/12/2023 07:52

Also IME most people are actually more moderate than you think- they just present the less moderate position when they feel under attack.

ALightOverThere · 02/12/2023 07:50

My tip, if you end up discussing politics, is to treat it as an opportunity to understand more about their views rather than convince them of your own. It’s really tempting to go into debate mode and want to score points and be acknowledged as right but that can lead to really unpleasant conversations and fallings out. Better to imagine yourself as an interviewer - your role in the conversation is not to present your views but to draw out their views (and not in a gotcha way but actually get them to explain what they think and why).

IME this leads to a much more enjoyable conversation and you actually learn something about what they think- which is not to say you have to agree but you might find points of agreement eg they want fewer immigrants because they’re worried about lack of NHS appointments and you’re also worried about the NHS. Resist the urge to say “ah ha, but the NHS is staffed by immigrants!” as if you’re James O’Brien on Twitter and instead explore their worries about what’s happening with the NHS and find out where you agree. You don’t have to treat the conversation as a chance to be right, it could just be a chance to understand them better.

thebabessavedme · 02/12/2023 07:44

I have banned the '4 Ps' from being discussed at any time

Politics
Politicians
Pigeons
Potholes

Anytime my dear ole dad starts up we all howl 'noooooo not the 4Ps' We give him more whiskey to keep the old boy mellow (and hide The Daily Telegraph)

Mrsphilmiller · 02/12/2023 07:43

Oh god , OP! Seems like a lot of mumsnettees have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Don’t let them spoil your day ☀️🌲

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 02/12/2023 07:42

No op, you need to visit and show them how accepting and tolerant of different views and opinions the Grundiad readers are.
Remember this will mean that neither DM or MIL can comment or have views on anything due to their silly cis-female status, but do what your media tells you, RE-EDCATE their foolishness!

MaryBeardsShoes · 02/12/2023 07:38

You could just grow up a bit.

Vegetus · 02/12/2023 07:38

Oh god, different opinions!

SutWytTi · 02/12/2023 07:36

Fairyliz · 02/12/2023 07:34

It’s a left wing person who reads the guardian and thinks they are morally superior to everyone else.
They also like to sneer and look down on people who don’t share their views, without trying to engage and understand others point of view. Sadly this can often be the people who have raised them and are kind enough to invite them for Christmas.
Im not sure that either Canada or New Zealand want such narrow minded intolerant people.

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I think you missed that this is a light-hearted thread. You sound bitter and intolerant yourself!

Fairyliz · 02/12/2023 07:34

sgvibes · 02/12/2023 06:36

Wtf is a grauniadista?

It’s a left wing person who reads the guardian and thinks they are morally superior to everyone else.
They also like to sneer and look down on people who don’t share their views, without trying to engage and understand others point of view. Sadly this can often be the people who have raised them and are kind enough to invite them for Christmas.
Im not sure that either Canada or New Zealand want such narrow minded intolerant people.