Work Christmas do's

Do what you want to do just don’t get upset if plans move forwards without you and you stop getting invited to places.

Depends where I've worked really.

One place, we are still going out for a Christmas do together 20 years later even though only 1 of us still works for that company. I really enjoy it...even though now it's a lunch and we are usually all home and tucked it up in front of the telly by 7 pm.

We used to be out till all hours, shots, dancing the lot - it's how I got together with my husband.

Current place...we have a nice buffet in the office and anyone who wants to slopes off to the pub after. We've a couple of non drinkers, people with young kids who want to get home, there's only a few of us and it just works.

Don't go if you don't want to.

We have team Christmas lunches when different teams take it in turns during December to take an extended lunch break and go to a local restaurant for a festive meal. I'm happy to go to this kind of Christmas do and usually enjoy it. As we return to work afterwards, no one drinks too much and it's more civilised.

However, in addition to that we usually have a big do the whole department is invited to. It's held on a Friday or Saturday night, usually in one of the big hotels in town. At least 80 of the 120 staff usually go. I hate it and always find an excuse not to go.

I like my work colleagues well enough, but don't want to socialise with them in my own time. I want to spend that time with my husband and family.

Also, I always feel uncomfortable and embarrassed when I see people I want to respect professionally (especially senior managers) in a drunken state. It's bad enough on the following Monday morning when everyone is laughing about "John's" and "Karen's" "hilarious" drunken antics on the dance floor. I don't want to witness it in real time.

My work is a 45 minute drive too. It either involves me staying in a hotel or driving. I really can't be bothered anymore, so I just don't go.
I'm fine with team lunches and stuff, but I'm not prepared to give up my free time to spend with people I've worked all week with.

I used to love a Christmas party but I'm much older now and the excitement has worn off. I am going to this year's though as felt pressured to attend- it's a bloody 3 hour drive away and I'm dreading it.

That kind of do isn't my idea of fun either @AelinGalathynius. I much prefer a nice meal out with my immediate team.

Our Christmas do is always a huge thing in a hired venue, drinking and dancing and everyone gets shitfaced. Maybe I’m a misery too but it’s just not my idea of fun. I really do like my colleagues, honestly, just not been into partying for a good few years now! I’d actually be more likely to go if it was just an overpriced roast dinner and home after 😂

Absolutely YANBU, I never go to do's at my work after watching the single men drool over women including those who are married and have no intention of falling for their "drunken charm". One girl embarked on an affair with one colleague and she was forever convincing people to go out with them so she had a cover story. The worst one I went to was the 40th of someone who I consider a friend, and a guy who thought he was the bees knees spent all night trying to find out where I live (I too am not local to work) and convince me to go home with him 'because we'd have fun'. No thanks!!!! Never been out with them since and never will again!!! I spend time out of work with the few who I am 'friendly' with and keep the rest at arms length!!!!! I'd rather be at home with my family, or out out with my actual real life friends!!

I like my colleagues very much in the whole but I hate Xmas parties.

In my first job it was a small privately owned family business with a young workforce and it was great. I made an epic mistake I'm still married to 25 years later.

Subsequent ones have just got worse. Bigger more corporate employers, less fun. As I've got older the logistics have put me off a lot. Food is invariably rubbish and transport is a nightmare. I have been to 2 in 7 years and been home by 10.30.

Small team events, lunches, even a much more chilled summer party yep, can do that. It's just Christmas parties leave me cold.

I hate them and our managers won’t stop going on like we’re bloody children. Countdown to Christmas. Like we are fucking 5 years old.

I'm with you. I've only had one workplace where I haven't liked anyone enough to feel like that. I've always had several good friends in every place I've worked, some more than 20 years. I met my DH at work! I've always really looked forward to my Xmas party

I think that's quite pathetic tbh to not be able to go to your one Christmas function, it's once a year. I'd hate having someone in my team who made zero effort

YANBU I feel the same and hate the feeling of pressure to go

I had this in a job once - I was commuting best part of an hour, and I was working slightly different hours to the rest (10-6 instead of 9-5) because I had small children - they did not, apart from the boss.
When I had my 3 month review, he said he was keeping me on probation because I wasn't integrating with the rest of the team socially.

The nights out were generally at about 7.30 and near work. I had kids that were barely seeing me for an hour before bedtime as it was!

I didn't work there much longer. It was the first warning sign, put it that way! Being judged on what I do with my time outside of work, in very clear different circumstances to the others, was a real shock.

I think you can leave work. Do some close by Christmas shopping, make an appearance and have a cup of tea or something and then skip out before the ‘crap roast’.

it’s a Christmas party. Once a year. You can take a half hour of time.

If you decline in good time, it's their issue if they don't like it. Letting down last minute is not reasonable, but plenty of notice is.

This - I have felt very differently about colleagues from different places - some I didn't care for at all and they made it clear it was mutual but they were surprised I wouldn't go on nights out - one even went as to assure me that they knew how to use cutlery properly! Whereas my last lot of colleagues were great and we went out and had a good time without getting too drunk.

Having to turn out on a cold evening. Not being any to get a lift off anyone and then not being included in the bottles of wine that they were buying - was so depressing. I just can’t be bothered anymore and won’t be bothering again!!

But I think it’s quite unusual to be friends with all your current work colleagues.

It is. We have a very tight and loyal team. I have never worked with so many people I genuinely like before. The boss calls it the dream team because she realises that the fact that we all get on wth each other with no big egos is unusual.

It probably helps that most of us are older and at a similar stage in life with older or grown up DC, and are happy and comfortable and don't feel the need to prove ourselves.

Our Christmas dos are a meal out and a few drinks, not a loud drunken evening.

We sound so boring, don't we

I have never worked anywhere that anyone gives a flying fuck if someone doesn't attend the Christmas party. I've seen this kind of question a couple of times and don't understand how people feel pressure to go.

I’ve been working for 32 years and of course I’ve met many people at my various jobs who have become good friends. But I think it’s quite unusual to be friends with all your current work colleagues.

I loved Christmas parties in my 20s - big carefree nights out with other 20-somethings, with none of us having any responsibilities or worries about wiping out the next day. But these days I’m much more selective who I spend time with. Life is busy and time is precious, and whilst I get on fine with my work colleagues, and would happily go out with one or two of them, spending a loud drunken evening with all of them is just not my thing.

YANBU, my work is doing a Christmas lunch AND and Christmas evening after work. Lunch is enough for me 😂

If you don’t want to go then don’t , especially if you’re splitting the bill and can’t drink as you’re driving !

We try to choose a nice restaurant to eat in, depending on numbers - everything's paid for, it starts early. If someone doesn't want to go that's fair enough.

I agree OP. I've never met anyone who likes these things. Nothing personal to colleagues - as you say, just stop work for a couple of hours and have a nice buffet lunch or afternoon tea and a jolly good laugh.

But having to travel in the evening and go to some fancy venue, dress up and pay good money to spend time with embarrassing drunks on a cold, dark, winter evening...no thanks.