Mum STILL self-isolating

Your mother is the smart one here. Covid hasn’t gone away and it isn’t mild. There are many people who take precautions still and it’s not ‘anxiety’ it’s a healthy response to a real danger. Covid has been minimised and we’ve taken our eyes off the ball. Covid can later cause strokes, blood clots and heart attacks, so it’s best avoided. My friend’s father in law recently died from a heart attack while ill with Covid. Her father has just been hospitalised and her and her partner caught it and have been very ill. It’s not a ‘cold’. People have been led to believe it is mild by the government who don’t give a damn who dies. Watch the Covid inquiry. Many people have been left disabled by it including children (another lie that it doesn’t affect them). Look at Long Covid Kids. Look at the research. We are still in a pandemic...

Well that is the thing isn't it. Everyone has a different risk appetite but none of us know what is round the corner. I could spend years locked in my house barely seeing anyone or going anywhere because of worry about the small chance covid could make me long term sick, but then something else could happen - another disease, a disabling accident, death even (I am a few months away from the same age my very healthy mum died suddenly of an undiagnosed brain tumour leaving three young children and a husband behind).

All I would have done is missed all the things I could have done in those years.

This made me really sad OP 😞
for your mum but also for you & family missing out on making memories together.

It’s really sad what Covid & the media coverage of Covid has caused.

My grandmother’s mental health has deteriorated significantly since isolating for Covid. She only really leaves the house to go to the hairdressers. Everything she buys is delivered. She’s only just recently started attending family events again.
We tried to make her feel more comfortable by reminding her we’d be cautious, keep our distance & wouldn’t be there if we felt unwell.

However we also consistently remind her that time is so precious, none of us know what’s round the corner and we shouldn’t spend these days isolating from each other over a fear of becoming poorly. Before Covid we still ran the risk of car crashes, developing illnesses, etc.
Life is full of scary scenarios that could cut our time short, but we must make the most of it. We’re only here once.

I hope your mum manages to join you for at least a short time on Christmas. Let her know you miss her.
Take care OP hope it works out xxx

I went to my gp the other week with a nasty sinus infection and the gp wouldn't come near me until I confirmed that I had done a test !!

Wow, that's inappropriate! Some people probably shouldn't go into medicine.

@Nickinoo22 . Not sure why you think @SingleMum11's post is 'well said'. I don't think either of you have read the OP's updates.

Well said .

I totally agree with you! OPs mother needs family understanding and support and your suggestions sound a really good starting point . Covid can, for some people, still make you very poorly. I went to my gp the other week with a nasty sinus infection and the gp wouldn't come near me until I confirmed that I had done a test !!

That's so sad.

I think you need to accept your Mum's decision and risk assessment even though you disagree.
I have a relative in her mid 80s for whom I am next of kin who I haven't seen since September 2019. I am sad about it, but it is her decision.
I offer to visit everytime I phone. She always says "when it's better, not this time".
I don't think I will see her again.
She goes shopping once a week in a taxi, bit otherwise doesn't see anyone.
She had a normal life before covid, but she is compos mentis and it is her decision. She has also opted to have no covid jabs.

So sad 🥲🥲

But we know the vaccines don't stop you catching it or passing it on 🤨

Covid is still a massive risk to immunocompromised and those with certain health conditions. There are over a million people in UK still shielding due to this. UK has refused to purchase needed antivirals and has systematically reduced access to them. Most other countries have acknowledged the continued risk of covid, long covid and the associated organ damage. They have set ventilation standards in law and vaccines and antivirals are available to all. UK is an outlier in pretending covid has gone away. She's very sensible to be protecting her health. Ask yourself how would you feel if you forced her and made her ill. If you love her and want to spend time with her then ask her what would make her feel safe. Isolate a week before, ventilation - CO2 below 800ppm, HEPA filtration, test - all makes for a safe environment.

Didn't read all the replies but honestly anyone still following the research is limiting contact, taking precautions and wearing a respirator when sharing indoor air.

I clearly don't know anyone following 'the research' then as no one I know (or have seen anywhere) is wearing a respirator or limiting contact and that includes elderly and vulnerable friends, family and colleagues.

suchsweetthunder · you are so right. I had a virus many years ago which gave me Guillain Barre Syndrome. I got up to go to work one morning and my legs gave way. I now have the chronic form, CIDP, and don't go out because I am never sure when the nerve in my legs - or anywhere gives way, and the pavements here are too narrow for my wheelchair. I have been on DLA for 31 years. Viruses are very strange things: some are nothing, others destroy your body. If anyone is in frail health for any reason, their bodies will be unable to cope with a new virus infection.

Has she had the vaccine and back up vaccine? It is possible that your mother is using her instinct and you cannot argue with that. If she feels more secure at home, it is her brain telling her to protect her. What people do not always realise is that the brain is a built in alarm system, and it should not be ignored. If she will not go out, you must go to her, and assure her of your love. Why should she go to you?

If I had asthma I would do the same, and I have nursing background. No one knows how this virus is mutating, and there has been news recently that a new strain has been identified. If your mother was to pick up an infection while her lungs are compromised, she would die a very painful death, because the NHS is reluctant to treat elderly people when there are so many younger patients. It is a most cruel health system. I don't think it should have been completely free, so that we could have budgeted for a semi-free service decades ago. Now there are not enough beds to treat people, and there will certainly not be enough if there is another pandemic.

I hear your frustration but ultimately it's her health, so her choice. You've decided to drop precautions, she hasn't, that's all.

Not agreeing to take the risk like you are doesn't mean she has a MH issue either.

I'm sure she'd appreciate any steps you could take to respect her choice.

Didn't read all the replies but honestly anyone still following the research is limiting contact, taking precautions and wearing a respirator when sharing indoor air. Covid can damage every part of the body, most people may not have had actual symptoms of this yet so they think everything is fine. If you want to spend time with your mum don't write her off as anxious, take actual precautions to avoid her getting ill and she would be more comfortable being around you. But Christmas is a big ask unfortunately.

Sounds like your poor mum is very anxious. Covid is such a horrible disease though isn’t it? Not only killing so many, but disabling many more. That said, speaking as an asthmatic, although it’s counter-intuitive, asthma doesn’t leave us especially vulnerable. It turns out that although it’s a respiratory disease in terms of spreading it, when ill with it, the lungs are not the vulnerable organs. Do you think she would be receptive to reviewing the evidence on this with you. How old is she?

Have a chat to her and see if she will agree that now's the time to get some help from the doctors.
4 years is a long time to have life on hold, it is encouraging that she does sometimes go out or let people in, this can be built upon gradually alongside support

2020 was very frightening for those told they were at risk.
My daughter's consultant and respiratory nurses phoned me when everything started and put the fear in us telling me she would definitely die if our whole household didn't shield immediately
It eased when after a year she caught it post lockdown 3 when she went back to school.
The headteacher even phoned to apologise for her catching it, not that he could have prevented it...... Yes she was poorly but she actually coped much better than expected, didn't need hospital care and it was me that struggled

While we don't take huge risks like being around anyone who's poorly we are more relaxed about needing to be out in public especially after her respiratory nurse told me none of their vulnerable kiddos had needed admitting thankfully

Covid will never be over, so what you are suggesting is this woman not see her kids or grand-kids, or go out and about, for the rest of her life. Which will inevitably end at some point, probably not due to covid.

How do you know it's 'likely'? 🙄

Covid is far from over, likely if she contracts it, she will become gravely ill.

They are and I ackowledged that. But in this ideal world of hardly going out and not risking covid - who does all the work that supports that choice?

Or is it ok for other people to risk getting covid?

Yes ongoing posr covid issues are a thing for some, but that has always been the case for viruses. My cousin got a nasty bout of glandular fever at university and then suffered from chronic fatigue for 4 years.

You had Covid and were fine so everyone else will also be fine? I got extremely sick with Covid despite being quite young and having no serious underlying issues. I've had ongoing health issues from it, and my immune system now appears to be compromised. I've had shingles and two bad colds in the past few months (despite barely going out!). My previously healthy uncle also collapsed and died of a heart attack a few weeks after having it, and he was 60. It's a nasty little virus, and people are right to be wary of it.

My inlaws were very much like this until last January. Kept talking about "going back to normal" but then moving the goalposts about when this was going to happen. What finally changed their minds was a combination of us refusing to meet outdoors in winter (ds2 who is actually CEV was too underweight and ill to cope with the cold) and losing 3 of their friends to non covid causes in quick succession. They then realised that at their age (late 80s) there was little certainty about how much time they might have left and they thought more carefully about how they wanted to spend it.