Sleepovers & Missing School? AIBU?

She is 2. Being showered with love 1 on 1 with her grandmother is likely to be infinitely better childcare than a nursery, even a good one.

1. stop being such a controlling person your wife has to ask your permission to leave you daughter with her mother whilst you go to a wedding! Get over yourself she has sorted out an issue that allows you to go
2. your child is 2 missing a couple of days of nursery won’t hurt
3. if I was your wife and you were banging on about her asking you if it’s ok to send your child to her grandmother I would be telling you to piss off to the wedding on your own

alpha type = controlling twat

OP said alpha type, not alpha male. Maybe it’s a same sex partnership.

The whole thing is odd.

Alpha male= abusive dominating bully

Fixed that for you.

Please consider engaging in education about how to have healthy relationships. Anything from the this century please.

I never checked with my DH about childcare arrangements.

He trusted me to make sensible decisions and to know our timetable and whether things would work

Unclench

Oh, and nursery isn't school. It won't make a scrap of difference

Maybe he's worried that his child won't be at nursery the day they learn Verse Ten of The Wheels on the Bus.

Wife has unilaterally decided that our daughter will sleepover at her MIL's home so we can sleep in.

The alternative being a babysitter in your house until you get home from the wedding? Was that your plan? Had you considered the plan? Were you "sidelined" because your wife was just doing the organising?

I wouldn't be remotely concerned about missing nursery days.

You sound fun

Unclench and get a grip #controlling

🤣🤣🤣🤣

So what's your solution to the problem OP? If you don't have one then you are BVU.

You sound nuts and a bit controlling tbh

There are so many serious problems that parents have to negotiate with each other every day, I don't hold out much hope for your marriage if you get upset by such non-events, unless it is just an indication of how very few serious problems you actually do have.

If dd has never slept anywhere without you before, or hasn't spent much time with MIL alone then yes, wife should have at least discussed it with you first. If MIL is used to babysitting her and you don't have any concerns about her being able to care for your daughter then no, it's weird to need it 'signed off' just so you feel like you have been consulted. The second part makes no sense at all, she's 2 and it's nursery, what sort of development is she going to miss out on? If anything getting 1-1 care from MIL would probably be better than whatever she does in nursery.

It's not school it's childcare you are being ridiculous.

No problem with missing nursery for me, but I would be concerned that neither of you seem capable of taking your DD to nursery the day after a wedding.
Could one of you not rein it in slightly (maybe you, since you seem to have the problem) so you were capable of looking after your DD yourselves?
Otherwise enjoy the bit of time off and save the attendance issues until actual school.

Also agree with CocoPlum, is the alternative arrangement that you do all the childcare overnight and nursery drop? Don't you want to spend a lazy wake up in bed with your wife, you power couple?

You're not being unreasonable for thinking that sleepovers should be agreed with both parents. I think that's standard.

You're unreasonable for making a big deal about two days of missed daycare though.

I don't see in your post what you actually propose doing with your daughter whilst you're at this wedding?

If you disagree with your wife's suggestion, what's the alternative?

Also...describing yourself as a "alpha male type" eurgh 🙄

Oh op. You need to unclench, seriously. A 2 yr old mission nursery is no biggie.

Are you always so stressy?

Oh wow. You're pretty intense, aren't you?

If you don't learn to chill a bit the teenage years will kill you.

Oh my word it’s going to be hard work bringing up a child with you 😬😬😬

Sleepover (unless there are issues with mil) and missing nursery are eminently sensible decisions. I agree that it's something that might have been mentioned before being put in place, but this one is not really a deal breaker.

More importantly, it may be worth agreeing what decisions can be taken unilaterally - thinking ahead to things like a sleepover at a friend's house when she's older. It's not reasonable to expect every decision to be discussed, so it's worth discussing where the boundaries are.

For example, I didn't consult DH about playdates with friends, and he trusted my judgement on that - if we didn't know the family reasonably well, I'd go with her. If he'd been picking her up and was asked about a playdate, he would probably have stalled to check with me (both timing-wise and because he didn't know the other families as well). When she was invited for her first sleepovers, we discussed it before accepting.

Another one that can be contentious, down the line, is leaving the child alone. We always discussed before increasing that one (from 5 minutes while I nipped two doors along the road, to half an hour going to the shops, etc).

I think you do have to trust each other on the small things, though, because they may arise when it's not practical to check. There's a balance between that and making sure that important parenting decisions are made jointly where possible.

I'm* a bit of an alpha type
*

Sounds like you just want to assert yourself all the time. Feels controlling to me so YABU.

ManateeFair is right. Describing yourself as alpha is really unattractive. Also it's 'who is growing up quickly' not whom. I'd never usually pick anyone up on grammar but you sound insufferable and superior. Are you implying your daughter is of such immense intelligence she needs to be in nursery ( not school) for two days, rather than having a lovely time with Granny?

You sound like a ridiculous controlling arse tbh!

It's nursery, aka childcare not school.., you get to spend quality time with your wife and daughter spends time being spoilt at nanas!!