I am absolutely fuming right now and need opinions on if I’m being unreasonable or not. If I’m being honest I don’t care if I am, I believe I feel this way for a reason and have a right to be angry.
dp recently started ‘following’ a young lady that lives on our apartment floor. We are very reserved in our building and don’t interact too much with neighbours, just say ‘hello’ when we bump into eachother however this young lady was not someone we bump into often, in all the years of living here I have only seen her to say hello twice, one of which was today! So when I noticed that her and dp began following eachother on Instagram I instantly wondered how that situation came about.. they obviously had to exchange social usernames etc?
this is another issue, I am not able to follow him on social media / Instagram, he doesn’t want me on there. I don’t have social media anymore but I did in the past. To be fair it is a business account that he has, for his business. But it is still personal, he is still posting himself on there everyday, interacting with everyone, he follows absolutely everyone he knows on there. When I asked him how they began to follow eachother he told me that she followed him for his business (even though she is not a client).
this evening whilst sitting on the couch, I hear a light knock on our front door. Dp goes to the drawer, takes out a tool and opens the door very slight just enough to pass the tool out but so that I cannot see. I hear a girl say ‘thanks I will bring it back soon’ and then he closes the door. I immediately opened the door after to see who it was and it was this young lady that he follows. At that point I was very confused and instantly realised that they have obviously been messaging as she’s clearly messaged to ask him if she can borrow this.
when I asked dp how it came about he completely refused to tell me. I tried to stay calm but was fuming inside, I asked 4 times and he completely refused to tell me. All he could’ve said was ‘she messaged asking to borrow something’ but instead he refused to answer me and told me not to stress him out. At this stage I was so angry as he clearly knows it’s inappropriate as he couldn’t even have the decency to tell me.
dp Then storms off to bed, as if I have done something wrong by asking him. I hear her knock lightly at the door again (baring in mind she didn’t press our door bell at all, it was a light knock as if to be sneaky in my eyes) so I immediately went and opened the door. I could see she was a bit stunned to see me open the door and put on a nice smile and passed me the tool. I asked her ‘how did this come about?’ And she began to tell me she has an issue with her sink but I asked specifically how did this come about that she’s messaged my dp to ask him for it. It then turned into an argument she cited his ‘profession’ as if to say that means anything? His profession has nothing to do with a tool she’s messaged to borrow. I told her that I don’t think it’s appropriate, she could have just asked me to borrow something (especially as I saw her earlier today) instead of texting her neighbours boyfriend’. She then was rude and told me ‘no one is interested in your man’ and swore at me as she walked off in which I equally swore back.
now I will admit I’m now regretting engaging in an argument. I have never in my entire life argued with ANYBODY, I have never sworn etc I am the most gentlest soul and the calmest person, everyone tells me this. I don’t know what came over me but I felt a rage.
dp did not come out of the room whilst this happened, I then went to him and told him to tell me what happened and he completely refused. He told me that he is not interested in her and that i have brought trouble to my door now, that she is a dangerous person and her friends. I then told him HE has brought this to our door. We don’t get too personal with our neighbours, he would never let me borrow things to neighbours as he likes us to mind our business and stay out of trouble, so if he thinks this girl is trouble then why would he willingly go out of his way to borrow her something. I reminded him that if this was the other way around he would go mad! But he just proceeded to tell me that I am immature and basically crazy.
I am now sitting here unsure of if I’m in the right or wrong. I would never fight anyone and I would especially never fight another woman over a man. That wasn’t really my point, my issue was the way they sneakily exchanged at my front door, she felt comfortable enough to knock on my door like that, that clearly they have messaged eachother etc. in my head I just don’t think this is appropriate, this is not just a neighbour that we are close with etc.
have I made a mistake? Have I embarrassed myself? I’m slightly mad at myself now, my issue is obviously with dp and I perhaps shouldn’t have taken it out on the girl but equally I feel it’s right to be territorial over my home and my kids home and I had a right to question. I couldn’t imagine texting a neighbours boyfriend asking for something, especially if we are not close at all with the neighbours.