Highly sensitive empath burn out

you are describing common feelings and responses as empaths.

again this speaks to a feeling that empaths are morally superior. Normal people would be happy with people ripping off a charity but empaths would struggle.

normal people would not notice that the health service isn’t running perfectly - only empaths understand when a service isn’t patient centric

It just sounds like bullshit to be honest.

Watchkeys
Not wanting to work in a genuinely toxic environment is normal and has nothing to do with being an empath. If someone is miserable at work and thinks they're surrounded by toxic behaviour and narcissistic colleagues then the logical thing to do is find a new job.

If someone perceives they feel more emotional awareness than other people (because let's be honest none of us know what others think or feel) to the point where they are finding it difficult to be around negativity in a working environment, then they probably need to talk to someone professional about that. Unless they get to the root cause then a change in workplace is unlikely to help because all it will take is a colleague moaning about something and the person will be back in their woe is me, I'm drained, the new colleagues are so negative, I can't cope spiral.

It was just that you made a comment regarding what an empath should be able to do.

I think people can be highly or overly sensitive but I don’t really know what empath really means.

It sounds more like you have good boundaries around work but poor boundaries around people. Thus you’re too open to what other people say and do. That’s not really sensitivity per se but more a lack of sense of self and a lack of detachment and inner strength.

According to the questionnaire I am a highly sensitive person (HSP). As someone who is always being told I am too sensitive/dramatic I found it useful to know that it wasn't something that I could change which was comforting.

However, I find whole culture around being an "empath" pretty self-serving, almost like excessive virtue-signaling. The book was not very practical about how to actually manage yourself and in puts HSPs on a pedestal/creates a victim narrative which is not good for anyone. Just because you are an empath does not mean you "care" more or are better than anyone else.

In my experience it just means I have to put a bit more effort into regulating my emotions than most people. Its not my fault, but it is my problem to manage. The most useful thing was coming up with stock phrases that I could whip out like the MN favourite "this doesn't work for me" and "I will look this over and get back to you". I also have worked with a psychologist to talk through situations in a comfortable and less stimulating environment.

The biggest change I made was getting out of clinical practice where I was constantly around people with a high level of needs and I would guess that includes charity as well, so you can focus on the work rather than people all the time. Also getting a really solid routine around sleep has been fantastic for me as well. When feeling particularly anxious I also found having some protien (a boiled egg/tin of tuna) calms me down, and putting in the headphoens and listening to "focus" music bring down the emotions to.

Hope that helps.

It was fairly astonishing @porridgeisbae. My husband had nearly died in a horrible way and it was my first time out socially in a little while. I was being asked about it and didn’t feel much like sharing the details, but what little I did say she just made it all about her. She was actually moaning. I mean…

Not an opinion. It’s fact until proven otherwise. Being an Empath is not a recognised condition of emotional disregulation/sensory overload. Empath is a self given label for those who do not recognise that their emotional disregulation is coming from another condition and is very normal within the realms of these other conditions. Being an empath is not a comorbid condition, is is simply an ideological label.

When it is medically proven without doubt to be its own diagnosable condition, of course I will sincerely apologise…

@HappyMavis

Having empathy doesn't mean understanding people when they do shit stuff.

Why do you like putting people down?

@LolaSmiles oh definitely, being an hsp/empath does not equate to being more understanding or a 'people person'. In fact when it becomes overwhelming it results in being quite anti-social. This is why coping mechanisms are needed!

I would think being empathic would make you more resilient in the face of negativity, as you can recognise Judith has a tough home life, and Bob is deeply unhappy, they aren’t lashing out at you personally just expressing their own misery. I have that level of empathy, and it means I can take things less personally since everything and in fact most things are not about me.
but if it’s a truly toxic workplace, then nobody likes it, and it creates psychological distress and mental burnout often with physical symptoms, so you should find somewhere else. Work on your resilience while you do- Monday at work take each team member and ask yourself what they are feeling? Do this every day. Add questions like ask yourself what colleague Sally thinks of colleague James, take yourself out of the equation and think of your colleagues as people. Maybe your conclusion is James thinks we are all bugs to stomp on and Sally loathes him with the fire of a thousand suns. That’s ok.
this is excellent practice for everything.

Empaths certainly do exist. They struggle in environments where toxic positivity is present, such as healthcare settings where the focus is allegedly on patients but is actually focused on management convenience, education where the customers are a temporary, transient inconvenience and the public and charity sectors where those at the top (or with aspirations to reach the top) are almost entirely self-centred and many at the bottom have a more altruistic mindset.
When I worked for a major UK charity, two of my immediate colleagues owned Ferraris, at a major INGO, two of the most senior managers were publicly identified sex pests.

@nonsenseaddict Well, saying nothing could be an option.

My question was 'What is the point of poking fun?'

Can you answer it, without inferring that you'd been pressured to post in response to OP, and had to say something?

https://www.somatictraumatherapy.com/mirror-mirror/

might be of interest.

Very interesting post. I think you certainly have a point. It’s difficult to label someone as an empath standalone, but easy to called someone empathetic, imo. Someone may display empathetic qualities, but how does this differ from an “empath.”

There are also highly intuitive people about, very attuned to the feelings and sensitivity of others. Does this mean they are just very socially aware and perceptive, or are they in the “empath” category?

If you’re an empath, don’t you just empathise with them and their gripes and whatever is driving them?

I've no ideal what enpathy means, sorry!

I don’t think you are going to get sensible advice because you haven’t really described the problem. If I had to summarise what you said it would boil down to ‘I’m nice, my colleagues aren’t, they gossip a lot and I don’t like working with them’.

All anyone can say to that (which they have been saying) is ‘how can you be so sure you are nice and they aren’t’ and ‘most workplaces are similar but perhaps yours is particularly awful in which case look for a new job’

Which isn’t very helpful because neither you nor we can really judge how bad it is.

Perhaps if you were a bit more specific, for example ‘I have a colleague who is repeatedly, in my hearing, gossiping to her colleague about a third person. I know and like all 3 of them, how do I deal with this and keep my relationships with all of them’ you may get more help.

It would probably also help you to think of it as an external situation you might be able to fix rather than an internal one that you probably couldn’t.

On that purely practical note leave charity work.
The people working alongside you may very well be totally burnt out and it sounds as their coping strategies are clashing badly with your work needs.
Find a role that is in a different less emotional field, see if you can find a role with more opportunities for WFH.
If you can afford PT work seriously consider that.
Look after your own mental health actively and with intentionality.

@Hibiscrubbed - Wow, sorry you had to put up with that.

@Keepingscore How about seeing your GP for some evidence based help with the difficulties you're experiencing? Or it seems like maybe you should just change jobs if you think the people you work with are particularly toxic.

How on earth do you conclude that?
What do you think empathy means?

This is your opinion, which you're of course allowed to have.

If you had more empathy you'd already know the answers to those questions 😂

What are we meant to do? Say, 'How awful for you that you are the lone nice person in a sea of awful people, poor you!' which is essentially how the OP seems to see her situation.

It affects me to the point where I am not able to work in a room where there is a lot of negativity, gossip and narcissim. I find it draining.

This is just normal. Anyone would find that draining.

Surely we can agree there are these differences between people?
I think most people accept there's differences between people.

Very few people would say that everyone is equally sensitive and in tune with other people. Few people would doubt that some people are good at reading body language, good at picking up social cues, good at cultivating conversations that put people at ease, good at noticing when someone isn't themselves. That doesn't make them empaths though and lots of people have those skills. Most don't view this as a remarkable or unique quality.

In my experience the people who are good at understanding people aren't the same people who call themselves empaths.

If someone is in a toxic working in environment and they're not in a position to shape organisational culture then it's worth finding a new job.
If someone is unable to handle normal human levels of negativity and cannot function in an environment where they are around colleagues then they would probably benefit from talking to someone professional about it to establish the root cause.