DH salary. AIBU?

Presumably he chose this therefore he is the one to decide what is "fair" .If hes in business with 4 other people then he will have to meet them halfway.Many people do not have as much money .Unless you are really struggling I would suck it up ATM.Its up to him really and you cant make him change his mind

If you need more money then perhaps you should consider upskilling or swapping from the public sector. Why does he need to be the one to change?

You seem to be slightly missing the premise under which most start up remuneration packages work.

People take lower than market rate basic pay but get significant shares - and gamble that they do well enough that the shares become valuable in the future and they get to cash in.

That’s how these things work. It’s a different approach to staff roles in established organisations or contracting.

Key question for you and him is - is this type of employment one that you’re comfortable with as a household? Or is the higher base pay but no big upside potential what you want (staff in established co). Or even higher day rate but no job security or benefits (contracting).

With one public servant job in the house most would say all are reasonable options as you’ve got one ‘reliable & safe’ income stream.

YABU in that you're trying to interfere in a negotiation that's taken place between your DH and his colleagues.

In the real world this is how things work rather than a theoretical discussion round the kitchen table.

There is nothing more irritating at work than someone changing their mind after the agreement because someone else has whispered poison in their ear. Hopefully your DH won't act on your 'advice'.

His career, his startup, his job, his salary, his option.
You may give your opinion but don't get feeling too entitled to argue with him about it

This is the difference between a dividend (paid to shareholders) and salaries (paid to employees). People who work in the business should be salaried, people who don’t (but are shareholders) should only receive dividends. Salaries among salaried shareholders might vary according to skill set. It’s important stuff like this is correct if you are going to sell the business as profit / EBITDA can be skewed by incorrect salaries or salaries being paid instead of dividends.

When we started up everyone contributed to something. This should all have been clear from the start. I think it is entirely reasonable if he has a decent share. I have a dispute with my co-shareholder atm. He had full salary, we didn’t and now he disputes he has less shares. He never took a risk and neither did your husband by the sound of it. I earned nothing for 2 years so we had money sooner.

You are entitled to feel anything you want. It's only when you act based on that feeling that someone can make a judgement. It's really difficult to give an opinion when you havent said the actual salary. Depending on the figure, I probably wouldnt be bothered. I'm more concerned with if my partner is happy in their job and not just brining money to the table.

You obviously don’t have much of an idea how a business start up works. If he gets a wage rise that comes out of the profits so would slow the business down.

It’s probably not terribly relevant but a real world example of not letting this sort of thing get in the way of success is U2. They always split everything five ways. Rock fans amongst you will know there are only four of them in the group, the fifth?, the manager. They all contributed to the success and they are all now mega rich,

Wow! No where has the OP said she knows the ins and outs of this start- up company to make such a hugely entitled op. No, your DH is right.

The best solution would be to get rid of the bloke who isn't adding value and dividing his salary among the others, surely the others can see that he shouldn't be paid so much? Unless there will be a time in the near future when his skills are actually needed?

Don't blame you one bit for being frustrated about this, I would be too.

@Suctionplease - I think this is a straight choice
If Dh can earn more money elsewhere and you want it now then do it. Share options etc are always a risk. It's a choice many others have had to make

Assuming this is the UK and he's one of the company directors, they should all be taking min salaries and drawing dividends if the company is doing well. Or are you using salary instead of pay/earnings?

This.
OP, you’re well out of line expecting OP to pull in more cash when he’s already far out earning you (regardless of reason).

Focus or change your own career if you’re not happy with your joint income - he’s putting much more into the pot than you are, so it’s a heck of a neck on you to berate him for his earnings.

Are they equal shareholders?
If your husband left the business, how easily could they replace him.

Is it still a start-up after 6 years? I would be worrying if it’s not really profitable after that amount of time.

The company is new. When you go into a new company you are going in to it because you fancy the challenge of making it work your way (along with the way of the people you are working with). You don't go in it for the money.

Hello

Yes, your husband may well earn more and gain pay rises in a salaried job, elsewhere. He may grow in his role and make salary jumps, or move between companies and make salary leaps.

Fact is, that you cannot compare a salaried job for a third party, with your own business, in terms of pay scales and inflationary rises.

In reality a lot of people don’t get a pay rise due to several factors. I’m a single parent teacher and my ex left just after we had our second child. I had been made redundant and was looking for work and ended up going back 2 days a week and therefore earning pretty much the same salary I did as newly qualified teacher 25 years ago. It’s not worth my time working more hours due to childcare and travel costs. I do get tax credits but as my annual salary goes up ever so slightly my tax credits go down the same amount. So for 10 years I’ve been trapped on the same wage which as I said is the same as what I was earning 25 years ago - I’m just not having the full time work stress!!

Lots of families find their household income has the same issue. Not necessarily those claiming tax credits or UC but those who have found they have had to give up work to look after their children due to the cost of childcare. Yes I chose to have kids - but that was when I was part of a married couple and we had 2 full time incomes. I’m now down to one part time.

I understand the stress and frustrations you describe as have seen similar with my DH in business he started a couple of decades ago. And I also get the desire to see some payback from a start up when corporate work would result in a much higher paycheck.

But I also think it’s unreasonable of you to expect him to make choices that pursue a goal of making more money when you did not prioritise this for your own career. Your choices are limited now because of choices you made years ago. Your DH hasn’t bugged you about that, has he? There will almost certainly be people where you work getting more money than you for less useful input. But you aren’t up in arms about that. You aren’t looking to change your career or reskill or convert to the corporate world so you can earn more. If you can reframe it in your head like this you might find it less frustrating - you made choices years ago for your own reasons, now DH is making choices. They both impact family finances and your DH’s choices less so than yours. These choices aren’t necessarily unreasonable if the burden isn’t unfairly distributed, there is a lot more to a working life than the money you bring in.

If you’re financially comfortable and he’s happy, what’s the issue? 🤷‍♀️

i would think though that the only way OP knows this chap is a lazy arse, is because her husband has mentioned it? rather than she has done a time and motion study.

my other half is the tech side of a similar company - so he gets paid as he needs to work full time to code stuff. And the other do not as they don't work full time and just provide sales support/contacts. at some stage where they do all work full time, they can get similar salaries.

I imagine, lazy arse won't get the same full time salary as all other directors UNLESS its written into the shareholder agreement - and/or he actually does the same full time hours as others.

being a director or shareholder doesn't mean you have to be paid same salary (only dividends must be equal across same class of shares) and usually any director can be voted off by simple majority - again subject to company articles and shareholder agreememt. So you can get rid of LASYARSE as a director usually but not force them out as a shareholder. but if you are say 20% shareholder you don't have many rights beyond equal share of dividends declared - and minority shareholder protection rules.

I think it is ok for the OP to express her frustrations through shouldering and facilitating this situation whilst not seeing any returns for years, despite the fact he out earns her.

It is not hard to understand her frustration if some bullshitter is being similarly paid and tolerated.

But it is also true that it doesn't appear to be her call.
Doesn't stop her being frustrated though.

I say YABU because it's not really "your" situation to be frustrated by, nor should you be able to expect your DH to share your frustration.

Also it is not your position to dictate how start-ups "should" work. They work how they work. What exactly do you want your DH to take "on board" and what exactly do you want him to do with that information?

The best that you can say is that you're frustrated on your DH's behalf and would have made a different decision in his position like maybe you would have gone for a permanent position or contract in an established company.

But it's fruitless to be frustrated about a situation you can't change and you need to let go of that frustration.