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Original poster

Wedding gift contribution

66 replies

whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 19:55

I’m going to an ex-colleague’s wedding, we’re not particularly close. A colleague suggested 3 of us that are going chip in £50 each to get a gift for the couple. Aibu to think this contribution is too high? Baring in mind there will also be a cost to travel and hotel and AL

OP posts:
Twentypastfour · 22/11/2023 20:39

Definitely don’t contribute £50 towards a £150 gift she doesn’t even want then.

Most of the time no gift = cash please. So give them £30 or so at the actual wedding.

I’d remind the other two that you’re going with that it’s likely a bit of a waste of money to give a gift that the bride and groom specifically said they don’t want.

Kitkat1523 · 22/11/2023 20:34

PinkRoses1245 · 22/11/2023 20:20

Of course relevant, don’t get a gift!! Just say you’ll put money in a card, and put £20 in

Show quote history

Poor advice….Would you be this cheap?🙄

Kitkat1523 · 22/11/2023 20:33

You went to the hen night of an acquaintance? Why? You say you are skint but went to the hen do of an acquaintance, but are now being cheap about a gift

Vinrouge4 · 22/11/2023 20:27

if you were invited to the hen you must be more than an acquaintance. If you have been invited to the whole day then £50 is fair

DinkyDonkey2018 · 22/11/2023 20:27

I'd literally just say "hey, I don't have the funds right now and as the invite said no gifts, I'm going to put cash in a card. Look forward to seeing you on the day!" It doesn't need to be a stressful situation.

wokbun · 22/11/2023 20:22

whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:13

To be honest I’m mid 20s and this is the first wedding I’ve been invited to outside of family so I’m not 100% sure about etiquette with gifts

I have definitely over extended myself this month, her hen night was earlier this month too and that was at a restaurant with £100 per person spend plus travelling by train to another city.

I reckon in total I’ve already spent £500 this month on her wedding with the hen costs and hotel, travel, outfit and now the gift

Why on earth did you go to her hen do?

bitchatty · 22/11/2023 20:22

Cantbeardarknights · 22/11/2023 20:20

I can’t help thinking you’ve made this post up. On one hand you’ve said you’re more of an aquaintance and you’ve only seen her 3 times since you stopped working together and on the other hand you’ve also been on her hen night. Pull the other one

in which case, this really is a very bored and lonely OP!

Cantbeardarknights · 22/11/2023 20:20

I can’t help thinking you’ve made this post up. On one hand you’ve said you’re more of an aquaintance and you’ve only seen her 3 times since you stopped working together and on the other hand you’ve also been on her hen night. Pull the other one

PinkRoses1245 · 22/11/2023 20:20

whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:03

Oh also not sure if relevant, but the bride to be said no gifts and also put that on the invite

Of course relevant, don’t get a gift!! Just say you’ll put money in a card, and put £20 in

ShirleyPhallus · 22/11/2023 20:19

If you can’t afford it then I’d tell your friends you’ll do your own thing then just get them a nice card wishing them well etc

Seems odd that you keep saying that you don’t want to spend much on them because you’re not that close though - clearly close enough to be invited!

Tinkerbyebye · 22/11/2023 20:19

I can’t believe people believe £50 is acceptable. You give what you can. No way would I give £50 for a wedding present. £30 max

Sunsept · 22/11/2023 20:19

I have never paid £50 for a present for anyone who’s wedding I’ve been to. I don’t care what the ‘norm’ is, you should pay what you are comfortable with and can afford.

lap90 · 22/11/2023 20:19

I don't think 50 quid is particularly high, no, if you have been invited for the whole day. You also don't need to get them a gift - just put your 50 quid in an envelope. Tbh, if you felt like it was all financially too much for someone you're not particularly close to, you would have just declined the invite.

Sunshineclouds11 · 22/11/2023 20:18

We do £100 for family and close friends
£50 for everyone else.

Confusion101 · 22/11/2023 20:18

So you were invited to the hen and wedding of someone you consider an acquaintance?? Seems like the B&G value your friendship more than you do. I'm Irish so any less than 50 as a gift would be absolutely unheard of!

rose88xx · 22/11/2023 20:18

If you’re not that close why are you going? She clearly considers you a friend if she’s willing to spend money on you by inviting you.

Original poster
whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:17

with it being the first wedding I’ve been to, I didn’t realise how expensive it would be!

I definitely think the group chat has got carried away and I’d like to reel it in now

OP posts:
bitchatty · 22/11/2023 20:16

whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:13

To be honest I’m mid 20s and this is the first wedding I’ve been invited to outside of family so I’m not 100% sure about etiquette with gifts

I have definitely over extended myself this month, her hen night was earlier this month too and that was at a restaurant with £100 per person spend plus travelling by train to another city.

I reckon in total I’ve already spent £500 this month on her wedding with the hen costs and hotel, travel, outfit and now the gift

for an acquaintance

You must really fancy going to a wedding outside family

Lizzieregina · 22/11/2023 20:16

If you can’t afford it, then you shouldn’t put in £50. But I also wonder why you’re going to great expense to attend the wedding of someone who’s not a close friend.

The magic number for us for weddings is $100 per person (in the US) and €100 pp when we’re in Ireland. Family members or best friends get more.

Also we’ve never not been invited to the whole wedding. Evening dos are not really a thing in the US.

Cosyblankets · 22/11/2023 20:14

50 quid for an acquaintance is a lot.
I've never given the amounts suggested on here.
Close friend maybe 50 at a push but no i think it's too much. And i would be horrified if someone was leaving themselves short to attend but wedding because they felt obliged.

Original poster
whatmanmakescappucino · 22/11/2023 20:13

To be honest I’m mid 20s and this is the first wedding I’ve been invited to outside of family so I’m not 100% sure about etiquette with gifts

I have definitely over extended myself this month, her hen night was earlier this month too and that was at a restaurant with £100 per person spend plus travelling by train to another city.

I reckon in total I’ve already spent £500 this month on her wedding with the hen costs and hotel, travel, outfit and now the gift

OP posts:
bitchatty · 22/11/2023 20:12

if you’re struggling to pay £50 until pay day next week

why on earth are you spending money on hotel and travel for someone you aren’t close to

bitchatty · 22/11/2023 20:10

why are you going?

ex colleague
not very close to

when was the last time you got together?

SecondUsername4me · 22/11/2023 20:08

Why would you accept an invite to a wedding of someone you are merely an "aquaintance" of? Especially if you need to pay for annual leave and a hotel too?

DodoTime · 22/11/2023 20:08

If you put in £20 each that would be £60 all together and you could get a voucher for a nice restaurant or shop you know the couple like as bride said no gifts. I'd only give £50 for people I'm really close with.