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AIBU?

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Work twattery…

31 replies

Escapefromhell · 22/11/2023 08:27

My daughter has started a new role at work. The man who is inducting her in to the role is the same level as her and 10 years younger.

When she asks for something to be explained, or has a question about the job he is the person she is to ask. The role uses a lot of different equipment in a variety of contexts. There is a lot new things to take on board on an ongoing basis. This will be the case over the first year as a lot of there unique to particular seasons.

The man inducting her seems to not understand what my daughter is asking. She will ask a simple question and he will say things like ‘what you on about?’

He over explains simple things to her, even things to her. Things she holds qualifications and has a great deal of experience of. She is the only woman on a team of 10 in a traditionally male dominated industry.

It seems like a load of low level insidious undermining behaviours. He doesn’t do any of it when other staff are around. There is nothing to complain to the line manager about as all of it could be explained as him being ‘helpful’. No evidence of any of it.

Any top tips, pithy comebacks or empathy welcome. She is determined to power on through!

OP posts:
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whatisforteamum · 22/11/2023 15:10

Hospitality by any chance ?

rwalker · 22/11/2023 15:06

FictionalCharacter · 22/11/2023 12:33

This is a good approach. Repeat the question more slowly and simply, and add that “if you don’t know I’ll ask someone else”. Not rude but reinforces the fact that you’re asking a reasonable question and he should answer, not mock.

Depends if the question is a stupid question in The first place to generate such a response

FictionalCharacter · 22/11/2023 12:33

underneaththeash · 22/11/2023 08:42

What are you on about?
I'm asking how to change the xxx on the xxx, the machine which does xxx (oversimplified explanation.) Don't worry if you're not sure, I'll ask someone else.

This is a good approach. Repeat the question more slowly and simply, and add that “if you don’t know I’ll ask someone else”. Not rude but reinforces the fact that you’re asking a reasonable question and he should answer, not mock.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 22/11/2023 12:27

I also like  @underneaththeash 's response.

She's new so she has to proceed with caution and make sure her responses are civil and assertive - that way she will retain the upper hand if the situation gets worse. Sarcastic responses could turn into a very stressful situation.
His limitations are clear but with her qualifications she will soon have out paced him anyway from the sound of it.

rwalker · 22/11/2023 12:24

We’re told to explain everything for the bottom up even if they have experience or qualifications in it
otherwise if there shit they will play the nobody told me card

for all you know your daughter maybe asking stupid irrelevant question

User79853257976 · 22/11/2023 12:15

It sounds like you have a problem with his age.

LadyMacB · 22/11/2023 12:07

When we have new starters, they sometimes ask questions and I’m not always sure what they already know, so tend to take it from the top. I’m sure, at times, I’ve covered stuff they already know, so I suppose I’m also guilty of “overexplaining”.

Personally I’d just take it at face value and press on, unless it clearly goes beyond the line into some form of unacceptable conduct.

Newgreendress · 22/11/2023 12:07

I would probably arrange a 1-2-1 with him and discuss all you've said in OP. He might be not aware what she does and doesn't know, and also may be trying to do his job properly (I am trying to think positively). She can outline things she knows, so he doesn't need to explain them to her.

MushMonster · 22/11/2023 12:03

Right OP.
This is a year long induction? So, he is, maybe, starting with the easy bits at the moment. It does not matter that they are simple things. When you are teaining someone you have to say, whether they know it or not. The learning will come up in layers. So, your DD should show that she is taking on board what he says. Then getting deeper into each machine.
He may be an arse, but if she sticks to it, she will be ok.

Elastica23 · 22/11/2023 11:44

Then she can laugh back, he is pretty hilariously bad at doing a work induction.

ilovesooty · 22/11/2023 11:41

Elastica23 · 22/11/2023 11:35

Who cares? It will stop him in his tracks.

I doubt it. If she uses the word mansplain he'll probably laugh at her.

Elastica23 · 22/11/2023 11:38

backtowinter · 22/11/2023 11:35

If he's ten years younger then she's not a teenager

She should deal with it herself

Yeah, but come on, it took me nearly 30 years from leaving my teens to become a full consort battleship. A bit of advice along the way is welcome.

Elastica23 · 22/11/2023 11:35

ilovesooty · 22/11/2023 11:26

I think she'll look like a twat if she says that - other than the first part of the sentence.

Who cares? It will stop him in his tracks.

backtowinter · 22/11/2023 11:35

If he's ten years younger then she's not a teenager

She should deal with it herself

Everanewbie · 22/11/2023 11:29

Hi OP. I am sorry to ask this, but is she determined to find something sexist and being an insufferable smartass know it all in her induction?

ilovesooty · 22/11/2023 11:26

Elastica23 · 22/11/2023 11:15

I'd say "I was asking for a simple explanation, you don't have to mansplain the entire business" etc.

I think she'll look like a twat if she says that - other than the first part of the sentence.

Elastica23 · 22/11/2023 11:15

I'd say "I was asking for a simple explanation, you don't have to mansplain the entire business" etc.

Gillypie23 · 22/11/2023 11:05

I'd let your daughter sort out her own problems.

TenderDandelions · 22/11/2023 11:02

luckylavender · 22/11/2023 10:55

Why on earth is she getting her Mum to post on a public forum? We can't help or really comment.

She's probably not asked her mum to post on MN! She's probably just been having a whinge to her Mum and her Mum, because she loves her daughter and would like to help her out if possible, has turned to the internet for advice.

Why does everything have to turn in to suspicion and belittling of people for having a general conversation or seeking people's thoughts?

Anyway, I like @underneaththeash 's response.

In terms of mansplaining the things she already knows, she needs to take the opportunity in a pause of breath to say, "no, that's fine, I already know how to do that. It's this bit I need some help with please."

If she can, make sure she's not asking the same question more than a couple of times, so keep notes if she can. Two can play at his game. She hasn't got anything to complain about because he's being "helpful", she's being efficient by only asking regular induction questions and picking up information quickly, so doesn't give him anything to complain about either.

luckylavender · 22/11/2023 10:55

Why on earth is she getting her Mum to post on a public forum? We can't help or really comment.

idontlikealdi · 22/11/2023 10:44

His age is irrelevant and why on earth are you getting involved?

LadyBevvy · 22/11/2023 10:16

Let your daughter fight her own battles at work. It will strengthen her, not least in dealing with twats like this bloke.

ilovesooty · 22/11/2023 10:04

If she has any sense she won't make pithy comebacks. Unless she has active rudeness she feels she needs to politely and assertively challenge she's best advised to get on with learning and use her experience to get up to speed quickly so that she'll have less need to ask him anything. She'll probably feel better for not complaining to you as well. It's probably fuelling her resentment.

EBearhug · 22/11/2023 09:54

does this really still happen?

Yes. Not from everyone, but in my industry, there's always been the odd one or two, everywhere I've worked.

Muchof · 22/11/2023 09:45

It comes across like you / your daughter have decided you are going to find some sexist behaviour here, what with the unnecessary background of it being a "traditionally male dominated industry" (does this really still happen?). Anyway making pithy comebacks in a new job, to the person responsible for your induction doesn't seem like the right foot to get off on.

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