AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

Good for the teenager for speaking up. I think OP if the group changing room is full in future and you absolutely need to go into the female changing rooms, don't get him to shower, just go in get changed as quickly as possible and shower at home.

A common problem, not enough changing spaces for the outflow of class, personally I've had to leave my class a few minutes before everyone else to secure a family change and put a marker e.g. shoe poking out underneath so rest of family know which door to knock on, are the kids who are in classes without you be able to find you if you do this?

We are not able to use our local swimming pool as it only has group changing. The disabled changing area is inside the women's changing room so not really much help!!

You should have waited in one of the queues like the other people.

I said e.g. as in LIKE that. I was speaking generally.

A boy just over the typical age limit with SEN is also a case I would consider "borderline". "Borderline" is subjective but again that's kind of my point, some parents will make judgements on the side of using the group changing room, and armed police aren't going to jump out at them and demand they remove themselves, so as said, if you know that you are going to be unhappy about potentially running into the pretty normal practice of a male child with his mother in group female changing rooms, then perhaps some onus is on you to refrain from using that group changing facility in the first place.

Same here.

The rules and guidelines should be followed but there will always be borderline situations like this e.g. kids who meet the technical age for the policy but look bigger and older.

How is it borderline? The child isn't a 7 year old that looks 9, he is 9. It would be difficult if you find have an older looking child but then at least you could tell people their actual age.

I mean for her to mention it she was uncomfortable. A female in the females changing rooms feelings should always trump that of a person who shouldn’t be there. It’s her space not his.

Parents would really be happy for their daughters to be uncomfortable so a male or rather his mother can be happier? Nope.

Find a suitable pool with enough correct rooms, wait your turn cold and wet like everyone else or don’t go. You don’t impose on women and girls because oh well fuck em my sons getting cold waiting like everyone else.

Reading the OP, she did not say she was not comfortable. She pointed out to the OP that she and her son were in the female changing rooms and then proceeded to change.

It's really quite normal for mums to take male DC and dads to take female DC to the changing room appropriate for the parent to use.

If you want to fully avoid boy children then you should use individual cubicles if you are on your own.

The rules and guidelines should be followed but there will always be borderline situations like this e.g. kids who meet the technical age for the policy but look bigger and older.

I don't think we need to demonise and berate parents and their poor kids who have no say in the matter, it's really unnecessary.

Mum of 3 sen children here he's now old enough where his privacy needs to be respected as much as those others in his space. Waiting for the family change is the right thing to do for your child aswell as the general public.

a teenage girl clearly told you she was not comfortable and you have to ask if yabu??

I'm surprised there are so many able bodied NT women/girls using the big group changing room tbh.

I would have been mortified to change in one at any age past the year 3 class lessons before having kids myself!

Your son’s conditions should probably earn him a year’s grace, but other people wouldn’t be expected to know that.

I disagree, a girl will just see a preteen boy and feel uncomfortable, she won't feel less uncomfortable because he needs supervision or assistance to change. Once the child is too old for the opposite sex room, if disability means they cannot use the correct room then there needs to be a family room reserved for families in that situation. He should not be in the women's.

I think this brings up the wider issue that more family change rooms are needed.

my son is 8 but is tall so looks older. I am not happy letting him be alone, showering and being naked whilst getting changed with males he doesn’t know - with no adult there to ‘protect’ him (he has mild Asd and is very trusting). I’m sorry but unfortunately I don’t trust many adult males.

we always use the family changing rooms

We do lessons at a less convenient swimming pool than our local one purely because they have a changing village with individual cubicles rather than female/male changing rooms. Ds is 12 and has SEN. He can now get changed himself. It took years to master, hopefully your son will get it soon.

by using the female changing rooms for an older male child, you clearly don’t believe that their privacy is of concern. So next time you can have the same lack of respect for your child’s privacy instead and get him changed outside?

In our pool (semi private as only for people living in our development) everyone takes their kids into the female changing rooms, this includes 9/10 year old boys. Only once they come swimming by themselves do they go in the males.
mainly because all of them are slow, lose their stuff, spend considerable amount of time clowning around, and the mums wouldn’t be able to supervise. Equally, dads are taking daughters into male changing room.
this is accepted practice (no kids after 7), but maybe that is only our pool.

Agree with the majority - it’s inappropriate OP. Girls and women should not be made to feel uncomfortable in their own designated spaces.

He’ll hit the age soon where he wants to start changing independently (irrespective of whether he can) and will refuse to enter the female changing rooms with you, so you probably need to find solutions if you’re planning to continue with this activity.

YANBU.

A difficult one. My private gym allows boys up until age 8 (and I think that’s quite a common threshold).

Your son’s conditions should probably earn him a year’s grace, but other people wouldn’t be expected to know that.

Can you bring a towel and warm onesie, and change him poolside? Or speak to pool management to discuss? Maybe he could get out the pool 5 mins early.

You need to speak to the management and organise an accessible space now you know there is a problem. You can't use the female changing area.

9 is too old to be in the changing room for the opposite sex. I would not change in front of him.

I can see why you made the decision you did but I think once another female told you she was uncomfortable you should have respected that and left.

It's only becoming an issue because parents infantilise their children to the extent that an 8 year old can't change without mummy supervising.

I think this is the issue, as older children without disabilities are then in the family rooms with their opposite sex parent instead of being sent into the correct sex changing room. That and families with same sex or younger children using the family rooms. If these were only used by families that needed them, like the OP's family, then there wouldn't be a problem.

I agree with this, if people can use the single sex changing rooms in that situation they should, your son has additional needed therefore should be a priority for an accessible changing space, I would raise that with the pool.