AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

Again, stop speaking on behalf of other females.

The best way forward @JustKeepSwimmingAlong Is to talk to the swimming teacher AND the leisure centre and ask them to make a reasonable adjustment. In this case I would imagine a dedicated disabled changing room would be appropriate. Don’t take him in the ladies, don’t take him home wet, and DEFINITELY don’t stop going. It’s more work as it always is with additional needs but you will find a way.

Also no self respecting 10yo+ (disabilities aside) would be seen dead in a womans changing room. They have their own dignity to think about.

Agree.

@EtiennePalmiere

My child has the developmental capacity of a 5yo he is not a predatory male!!! And he is several years off puberty.

I’m sorry but faced with the same situation as OP had I would have done the same because I would not have wanted my child to suffer severe distress on account of being freezing/queuing. And I would not have been negligent and put him at risk by leaving him alone.

What I would do is make a formal complaint to the leisure centre and pursue it until an adequate resolution could be reached.

Nobody is saying she did that.
People are pointing out that it's not appropriate to take a male, over the allowed age, into female changing.
People are also agreeing that leisure centres, and numerous other places, need to provide more/better accessible facilities.

For future: take him to swimming already im swim shorts with dry robe on top.
Afterwards let him take wet shorts off under the robe and just take him home in it at side of pool - doesn't need to be in a changing room for that.

Can't you squeeze into individual cubicles? Ive done it with two primary DC lots. Not ideal but needs must.

The answer for NT boys that are too old for ladies changing room but vulnerable in male changing rooms is to request pools find a safe solution, not push girls out of their changing room.

However since this particular pool has individual changing rooms in addition to single sex spaces, it wouldn't be a problem for your sons. A lot of pools have have changing villages, nit single sex rooms.

The OP needs a properly designated disabled room, not a space anyone can use.

I want there to be better facilities for you and your child, and others in a similar position.
I also want female changing areas to be just that, for females (with the exception of young boys up to 7 or so).
If the first isn't happening then we all need to be complaining and letting those in charge of facilities know, so something is done, not telling females that they are going to have to accept older males in their changing area because there's nowhere else suitable.
Disabled/extra support facilities need to be distinct from basic parent and child/family, so that disabled folk/their carers are more likely to have access when it's needed.

YABVU and good on the teenage girl to challenge you, that can’t have been easy for her to speak up when she clearly felt uncomfortable.

It’s irrelevant if the changing room was empty when you went in. You knew full well it was a female only space but you didn’t care because it was inconvenient for you to wait for the appropriate changing facilities.

And just to say, as before, changing in the women’s area is not the ideal route, but I don’t think OP was in anyway wanting to upset anybody.

She just wasn’t prepared for the lack of provision for her child and in a fluster did the best she could do to cope.

The leisure centre are at fault.

What's wrong with the world is that women won't bend to your specific needs. Keep him out of our spaces.

@Pooooochi

So from 7-11?

Honestly, I would absolutely no way want to leave my child - disabled or not - on his own in a male changing room at this age range.

9 is a bit old. Really i think from junior school on they need to go in the appropriate changing room for their sex.

@sollenwir Poorly expressed maybe. People seem to be responding as if the OP led her fully dressed son into a room full of naked females - including teenagers. She didn’t do that. It makes them sound like dicks.

Yep @TomeTome I agree with this.

My DS is a few years younger than OP’s. Reading this thread has shaken me.

I thought I had until about age 10-12 until this sort of thing would be a problem….. but nope, women are on here as enraged about a 9yo male child as they would be about a 36yo adult male.

It’s actually terrifying; my child can’t brush his teeth, wash himself, dress himself. He can’t differentiate between an adult and a child really, has zero danger awareness and can be socially inappropriate.

But people on here want me and OP to either leave our sons outside the door, wrap them up in a towel soaking wet (even though they have sensory issues), or leave them to attempt to dry/dress/manage alone which they can’t do.

What is wrong with the world.

Agree, surely its more ableist to think ‘this changing room is for girls/women and not for boys aged 9, but mine doesn’t Count because he’s not Like The Others’

Unfortunately, like most disabled people, I have accepted that not everywhere is accessible to me, and that is just life. If there is nowhere yo change without using the ladies,then your son cannot swim there. It is crap and it shouldn't be that way, but that is life for someone with additional needs. I have just had to leave my gym as they built a new accessible changing room that was not actually accessible, so I accept that I may be a bit salty about this.

Nope, far from ableist/privileged.
Simply pointing out that the solution is never going to be allowing males into female changing areas.

I did think you were being reasonable, and I completely understand what you did. I'd probably have done it too. But having read these posts, I do see the other side from the teenage girl's perspective. Having said that, for me 9 is too young for a boy to be in a changing room by himself. I think either wait for a family change or just dry off quickly poolside/outside changing rooms and jump into the car with a onesie. Don't feel bad though, you weren't intending to upset anyone.

You don't get to make decisions for other women, especially decisions which go against the facility policies.

Nope it looks like a woman who’s disabled son has outgrown her previous fixes and who now needs to learn a whole new set of coping strategies. It happens to a huge number of us and you are showing your privilege by the fact you seem to be totally oblivious of the issues.