AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

Absolutely the safety of a child DOES come first. This isn't about a child's safety though, it's about not wanting to wait for a changing room.

I understand the dilemma having an ASD child myself who I need to be with. But you need to respect women and girls need for privacy and dignity. He's 7 and I'm worried about when he's 8 and can't change in with me anymore. I would probably stop swimming if I couldn't wait for the family change (my boy couldn't wait).

It's very sad that the understanding isn't there for autistic people but if your son were to believe he's a girl he could enter the girls space no problem.

It sounds like more family rooms would just be taken over by families that don't need them. I would say it is better guidelines and signage that is needed to direct families with young children into the single sex group changing rooms and older opposite sex children into the correct sex facilities. This would leave family rooms free for families with older children with disabilities.

This particular situation is, yes. But this is also a much broader problem. There are many mothers disregarding the 7-YO age limit in the women's facilities: I see them every week.

Third spaces don't need to exclude better facilities for disabled people.

"What I think this thread illustrates above all is a clear and compelling need for third spaces, in addition to single sex spaces, as standard"

Yet this pool seems to have many different types of changing spaces. Op didn't want to queue for them.

An alternative could be to use the male changing room next time. After all, if it's okay for one harmless male to be in the female changing rooms perhaps men will feel the same about one harmless female in their changing rooms.

@SerafinasGooseWhat I think this thread illustrates above all is a clear and compelling need for third spaces, in addition to single sex spaces, as standard. nope it illustrates that we need better facilities for disabled people. This situation is entirely caused by inadequate access for the disabled at this pool.

How we treat females, by not expecting to bring males into their female only spaces (unless under strict guidance), also says a lot about who we are.

We do not improve things for disabled folk by eroding female rights.

What I think this thread illustrates above all is a clear and compelling need for third spaces, in addition to single sex spaces, as standard.

I get that this would be costly, and I also get that this is the UK and space is not at a premium. The problem with solely mixed sex facilities is that instances of sexual assault have noticeably increased since 'changing villages' became more common. These statistics are easily Googleable.

The problem is - surprise surprise - men. Women are not the ones doing the assaulting in changing rooms. And assault is depressingly common. Which is why I believe that as parents we do have a duty to teach our sons proper boundaries.

Of course OP's son is precious. So is mine, to me. So are other people's daughters.

As mother to a son, the onus has been on me to work around this and to model the right response to my male child. I've taken him to swimming lessons at my gym from 3 months. The gym has only single sex changing facilities. Sending him alone into make changing facilities is a non-starter. So the solutions are: dad now takes him to his swimming lessons. And I've taken DS off my gym membership. If I want to take him swimming, I take him to a nearby public pool with mixed sex changing.

I would of course prefer to take him to my own private gym. But this is no longer an option. I've put this in writing to the gym, and spoken to them about it previously. They have 'no plans' to introduce mixed sex changing, and in any event I wouldn't want that to usurp the existing single sex facilities.

It's inconvenient, for sure. But when we live in a society which has prolific problems with women's boundaries being eroded by men, It hardly helps if we bring up our sons to have similar values.

It's particularly galling, given the effort I've made to maintain this stance, that my gym made the national media for allowing a trans 'woman' (with a large erection) to use the female changing area. Situations like this are why women's positions are hardening. Clearly, something's got to give. It should not automatically be assumed that that something will always be women. Frankly, we are tired of it.

@TomeTome I have a teen also

"That’s probably because you have a four year old. When your children are teenagers I can assure you that a nine year old looks like a very small child, and certainly not a threat"

My 'kids' are all adults. That hasn't mysteriously transformed a 9 year old boy into a very small child. It's within the normal range of the start of puberty for boys (9-14), which is probably why it was chosen as a cut off age at some point in the past. It's also within the normal range of puberty for girls, who wouldn't want their male classmates to see them getting changed.

I don't remember seeing posts about 9 year olds being a threat, but it's a long thread so perhaps I missed it.

That’s probably because you have a four year old. When your children are teenagers I can assure you that a nine year old looks like a very small child, and certainly not a threat.

There are some very entrenched views on here and the same old hectoring opinions are drowning out the very real dilemma many women face caring for their children. While I fully appreciate that some have very recently woken up to their rights being eroded/impinged and want to zealously defend the attitudes they are now sure are right and support the cause, it lacks nuance and it’s clear there is very little understanding of disability or disabled peoples rights, which are more extensive that non disabled peoples for this very reason. Reasonable adjustments are not made by hard boundaries and inclusion is not tolerating the presence of disabled people within your space but reaching out over the constraints (sometimes to your own disadvantage) to allow disabled people a place in the world. It isn’t and has never been an option to exclude in the “well you’ll just have to stay home” way that’s been suggested up thread.
@JustKeepSwimmingAlong it’s really hard. Take up space. Be polite and respectful but don’t let people push you back into your home.

Female carers and disabled people are the canaries of our society. How you treat them shows who you are.

It's actually a written rule btw, not an unwritten rule. For all we know it's actually 7 not 8 at your pool.

It really was not that difficult. It was easy to anticipate and there were easy solutions that did not involve invading female spaces.

Apparently there’s an unwritten rule that means it would have been fine two months ago when he was 8, but isn’t now he’s 9.

Rules are usually either 8 and under, or under 8, so 8 would be borderline, probably still okay if he looked younger, but the age at which you'd be considering options if disability means the child was still not ready to go in the correct sex facilities.

The safety of a male child, over the allowed age, doesn't come first in a female only changing area.

Nothing to add much as not sure what's right. But, well done that girl for speaking out, only 14 and already taking no shit!

you may not have noticed before but very few people take an eight year old boy into the female changing rooms. it's usually the absolutely absolutely oldest that would be acceptable. You don't actually see many 8-year-old boys in there do you? that's because most people don't do it by then. so yes it was barely acceptable two months ago and now it isn't.

Under 8's are normally allowed in female spaces, as an exception, and most females using facilities are aware of this.
This child was older than that, and there has to be an age limit.

Oh for goodness sake. Look, I probably wouldn’t love him being in there but I’ve got a brain and realisation that in real life these things have to happen sometimes. Sorry but a child’s safety will always come first. I find it ridiculous that there are grown women fighting this. Grown women.

So a 2 year old boy needs to be left outside whilst the mum goes in to get dressed? 😳what about protection of children? You do realise it’s not a black and white issue. Again.

Of courses she's not 'an idiot' but hopefully she'll also realise how unacceptable her actions really were.

(Although she's still trying to justify it, or so it seems anyway).

because the male is a special needs child not some pubescent male looking at her.

That still doesn't trump a woman's right to change in privacy.

Any male, special needs or not, will never have more right to access a female only space than an actual female does.

You’re not an idiot you were put in a difficult situation.

because the male is a special needs child not some pubescent male looking at her.