AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

@CremeEggSupremacy I would cross that bridge if I came to it.In real life I've around people really don't care if there's a child about. Being 'kicked out' is a very dramatic way of saying 'being politely spoken to' lol

It's the same argument because it doesn't bloody matter what the reason is, male people - other than young children - should not be in women's single sex changing areas.

I don't care if they are a nine year old boy but have a disability or are young for their age.

I don't care if they are a nine year old boy who feels unsafe alone in the men's but their dad can't take them swimming.

I don't care if they are a nine year old boy who identifies as a nine year old girl.

I don't care if they are a 29 year old man who identifies as a 29 year old woman.

Some of these reasons for not wanting or feeling able to use the men's changing rooms are more understandable than others, but none of them are valid reasons for male people to be in women's spaces.

If their reason for not wanting or feeling able to use the men's changing rooms is a legitimate one, it is the responsibility of the people who own or manage the space to find a solution which does not involve either women or disabled people being required to share their own spaces.

You realise your actions impact others, yes? You don’t get to take away the rights of women to a female only space just because you have a son and have decided that he should be allowed in.

He has his own space. He also has access to family changing rooms. Why does he also need access to a female only space? Seriously, why? There are plenty spaces for him, and he wouldn’t be alone. You can go with him into family changing.

You are accusing people based on your agenda, then telling them not to dare disagree, and then agreeing with comments calling out other people for apparent gaslighting? You don't see the irony?

And if that's against the rules of the place you're in then you'll be kicked out. Being a Mum of a boy does not mean the rules don't apply to you

@Thedm
I'm a woman whose opinion is as valid as any other
Who are you to tell me otherwise?
I am a mum of girls and a boy
I have always and will always do what I think is best, whether that's keep my son with me or be fine with a boy in a changing room behaving appropriately and being supervised

@Leah5678

This is about an older boy changing in a female changing room. How else do you say “female spaces are not for boys” without saying, “female spaces are not for boys”?

then a teenager looking girl came in by herself. She immediately came over to tell me that we were in the female room. I explained my son needed help getting changed and the changing rooms were full, but this room had been empty so we’d used it rather than standing wet and cold waiting for a changing room.

I feel so bloody sorry for this teenager. I’d have made a complaint to the centre and an even bigger song and dance about a 9 year old being in a female only changing area. It’s shocking behaviour from the OP to disregard a female reminding her the changing room was female only because she wouldn’t wait on a suitable changing area. This is wrong on so many levels, your 9 year old son shouldn’t have been in a female changing area disabled or not.

Well said.

The only gaslighting going on here is a couple of people saying this is about trans issues when the only people banging on about that are themselves. Absolutely deranged behaviour

It's not gaslighting to clarify that something someone is imaging/assuming to be true about another person/people actually isn't true. She's telling us why we've formed certain opinions, based on what she thinks and not what she knows as fact.

Of course it’s the same line. How else do you say that female spaces are for women only?

The question you’re poking at is what do you define as a woman, which is the remit of all the trans threads but is a moot point here. This is about biological male children, who identify as biological males, and whether or not they should be entitled to access female spaces with their mum. There is no debate about whether or not this boy is a “woman” and should therefore have access to female spaces.

He is male, which a male body and identify. He is above the age of “little child”. He does not belong, at all, in a female space.

What am I meant to be projecting exactly? I find it EXTREMELY tiresome that any discussion about women's spaces has to end up in transgender territory, I haven't posted on any 'trans threads' here so I don't even know what you're actually referring to. Trans stuff is not relevant here, OP has not said anyone is trans, it's dreadful that a teenage girl being uncomfortable can't be discussed without trans stuff being brought into it IMO.

The sight of certain posters, coming onto a thread (about whether a 9 year old boy should be in the female changing rooms) to accuse people of transphobia, then tell those that point out that no-one but themselves brought trans into it, that they are obsessed with being ‘terfy’, is quite something.

Every time women stand up for their hard earned rights there’s this catch all accusation to try to shut us down and discredit us.

We see you.

Hahaha 🤣 you're projecting so hard. Did you even read my other comment.
This is getting really childish now I was asking why posters are using the same arguments used against adult transgenders to a nine year old boy.

Don't even try and deny it isn't the same arguments anyone who's spent a minute on a Mumsnet transgender thread knows it is

Fair enough, you're one of the few making it about that. Apologies.

I'm not 'entrenched' in anything though, my answer is based on a male child being given priority in a female only space.

It would be a different debate if this male identified as a female, of course, but that's not the concern here.

So tiring when people throw around words they don't understand the meaning of at all

.

Why are you hellbent on making this about transgender people when nobody else has brought it up? The boy in question is 9 year old boy, OP hasn't said he is trans, seems like you're the one obsessed with trans stuff bringing into a totally irrelevant thread

I am not the first poster to say that at all. In fact it was another poster pointing this out that caught my attention.

I had been thinking it the whole time of course because as @Leah5678 , it you have spent any time on the FWR boards it absolutely is word for word the same lines.

I didn't say my position on those types of discussions at all either btw, just pointed out that it seems extremely distasteful and creepy to feel the need to repeat such rhetoric on a thread about a young disabled child. As I said, it feels like it lacks nuance to the point of being irrelevant to the situation, and people were really piling on the mum of a young kid with SEN, it was like watching her actual life become collateral damage in displaced tirades that have nothing to do with her.

And if she like plenty of people are not entrenched in such conversations, she may have no idea why some posters are being so disproportionately harsh to her.

I didn't say anyone wasn't of sound mind, I said the person I responded to has had quite an unfortunate upbringing in the sense that she was exposed to naked men when she shouldn't have been, and therefore it is likely she has a lower threshold of what is and isn't appropriate bodily boundaries for a child. The fact that you seem to think that is gaslighting rather than understanding how formative childhood experiences influence adulthood is your problem, not mine

There's nothing to deny, even if you imagine there is.

Nobody has suggested anyone else wasn't 'of sound mind' though.

You are actually the first person to make this about trans people.
The male in question here is a biological male, who identifies as male (as far as we know).
There is a debate to be had about safe spaces for trans people, but that isn't the debate here.

It absolutely is what could be considered gas lighting to diminish someone's opinion by implying that the reason they are holding that opinion is because they are not of sound mind or capable of judging the situation correctly.

That is actually quite exactly what gas lighting is, and insinuating somebody's opinion is not correct or valid due to their childhood experience, is exactly what you did.