AIBU to take my son into the female changing room?

@Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy

Thats also a really derogatory way to speak to a woman who is undressed in a completely acceptable location. “Get your baps out”. Jesus. I was hit by a car when I was 17 and took permanent damage, and have limited mobility in my shoulder and back. I physically cannot get changed with a towel wrapped around me or over me. I can’t do it. Getting a bra on is enough of a challenge. So my being undressed, with “my baps out” in a female only changing room is something you’re going to mock! Really? Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting way to speak to another woman.

I despair that their are people like you with so much disregard for women’s rights to safe and secure spaces free from men.

It isn’t about you. It isn’t about you being totally ok with your daughter being exposed to undressed pre teen and teen boys.

Women’s rights to these spaces are enshrined by law. Boys do not belong there.

Just out of curiosity what would you say to my 10yo autistic daughter who would be incredibly upset about a boy the same age being in the female changing room? Would you tell her that her feelings don't matter? That your sons feeling are far more important?

I did ask @Leah5678 but she didn't bother to answer.

@Thedm yes I've used them. Still not stripping my children naked though. If there was a young boy in there it wouldn't bother me as he'd see nothing.

If you wanna get your baps out, crack on.

What do you mean “went into a changing room?”

We’re talking about the open plan comma communal changing rooms, with no individual cubicles. Just a big room. Have you never used those? People strip naked all the time, including teens and younger girls with parents. Unless they are shh and fanny about underneath a towel trying to put on their bras and underwear. But in communal single sex changing rooms, it is totally normal for people to be undressed. That’s why they are single sex and why this boy should not be there.

@Thedm why would their mothers strip them naked in front of anyone. I'd never do that.

If a young boy came in with his mother and went into a changing room I'd have no problem.

If a mother stripped her young daughter in front of anyone, even another woman, I'd think she needed her head testing.

Good for you. How about the young girls who are naked and see a boy their age walk in?

I have absolutely no problem with mums bringing their young sons into changing rooms.

I understand you made a spur of the moment decision that you second guessed later. Your son is getting to the age where you are going to have to find another approach though, so this might be a good time to start thinking about it. I used to spend an extra ten minutes just general swimming with my children, until demand on the change rooms had eased a bit. It made it easier to get a family room.

Rule of thumb is that swimming changing rooms are for boys 7 or lower. Boys over 7 need to use gender specific changing rooms.

I do understand your issues and I would approach gym manager to highlight problem.

She did

SerafinasGoose
Also on both threads and hold the same view about single sex spaces.

I also entirely agree with you about kudos to the OP. Hats off to her for considering other views and perspectives on reflection.

I also agree with your observation about OP's reaction Vs the man on the other thread.

But as we can see across Mumsnet there's a lot of women out there who have low standards for men in many areas of life and think it's women and girls' job to sort out or accommodate issues that stem from male pattern behaviour.

I'm one of the same. So are one or two others. And I took the same stance on that thread that I do this.

The fundamental, truly noteworthy difference is that this OP requested people's opinions about her actions, and actually listened and reflected on them. Whilst I don't believe the teenaged girl should have been put in such an uncomfortable position in the first place, OP now agrees and has stated her intention to make a different choice in future. Far from knocking that attitude in the slighest, I say kudos to her.

Compare the male on the other thread. He wanted affirmation from females, in some quarters didn't get it, and basically thumbed his nose at the lot of us and responded in a very bellicose tone that he'd continue to do as he wants and to hell with women's discomfort.

The difference is marked, and very noticeable. Male entitlement talking (albeit that does not preclude some similar attitudes being voiced by women on this thread).

That's the sort of entitled, boundary-disrespecting behaviour I'd rather not teach my son.

I'd also like to say I empathise totally with the frustration mothers of girls must be feeling on reading some of the attitudes on this thread. (Cf. the alternative thread: MiL says I need to take better care of DH ....)

Q.E.D. 😂

Nope, this thread wasn't about trans issues....before a couple of folk made it that way.

Nobody is comparing the 9 year old to a transgender person.

Why are people still having a go at the OP, when she’s said clearly, several times, that she won’t take her DS into the women’s changing rooms? There’s no need to continue going on at her about it!

I’m a mum to 2 DDs of 14 and 11 and I agree that she was unreasonable to take her DS in there, though I understand why she did it.

Stop deciding what other people's motives are.

Wtf? Do you realise how many users MN has? Maybe...it wasn't the same posters on the thread two weeks ago 🤔

I was apologies I thought you had read something I hadn’t. I confess I skimmed the terf/trans tedium as I’m more interested in supporting the OP

I think there was a good 3/4 mums who said it and I haven’t read every page. One a mum to a 10 year old one a 9 year old and a few who didn’t mention ages I don’t think.

@TomeTome

No, multiple throughout the thread and they’ve been replied to every time. But it’s 27 pages long so I’m certainly not going to go and pick them out. Maybe you should have been reading the comments instead of just saying your own piece.

One then?

@TomeTome
Look above your post. There’s one. She’s is going to keep taking her own 9 year old into women’s changing rooms and won’t even address the point about 9 year old girls being forced to be naked in front of her son, because it suits her to have him there so the girls don’t matter.

@Thedm Have you read how many mothers of sons are gleefully saying that they do this and will continue to do so, ignoring any and all objections. Which results in “no boys in women’s spaces” because there is no simpler way to say it.
I honestly don’t remember any mothers of sons gleefully saying any such thing! How many were there?