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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He’s done it again

313 replies

Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 09:51

Long time user with name change here!

Firstly I KNOW this is a bit of a non problem and I’m being a bit of a brat!

DH and I had a discussion and decided that Christmas would be pared right back this year -absolutely not an issue.
I told him all I wanted was a dressing gown and slippers, and due to previous history was very quite specific about the kind of thing I wanted, and only just stopped short of sending him actual link wish I had now. Basically a cosy but still “nice” dressing gown and fairly structure slippers which I could wear outside, hanging out washing etc-think faux sheepskin mules kind of thing.

He said to me this morning “don’t look at the Amazon account, there are deliveries coming for me”

Being me of COURSE I looked 😳and he’s ordered the most fucking hideous dressing gown, think oversized checked lumberjack shirt, and marshmallow like slippers.

AIBU to give it a couple of days and “innocently” bombard him with links to what I’d actually like? I’m a terrible actress when it comes to opening disappointing presents, and I know that no matter how cold it gets, I won’t be wearing that dressing gown!

OP posts:
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Mirabai · 19/11/2023 11:53

Namechange4234 · 19/11/2023 11:51

Honestly if you are SOOOOOO anti that dressing gown you really really should have sent the poor nan a link

I really like it. And the slippers match

He tried so hard bless him

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Yes it’s really hard work typing “dressing gown” into Amazon with man fingers.

JoanMacIntosh · 19/11/2023 11:53

That dressing gown should be reported to the police as a hate crime.

Mirabai · 19/11/2023 11:52

@RethinkingLife

I’m baffled that adults need this explaining to them…

Namechange4234 · 19/11/2023 11:51

Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 10:21

The print is HIDEOUS and the most un-me thing he could have picked….if there had been a contest to pick the most un-me pattern in the world he’d have got top prize 😂

Edited
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Honestly if you are SOOOOOO anti that dressing gown you really really should have sent the poor nan a link

I really like it. And the slippers match

He tried so hard bless him

MyFavouriteBlankWall · 19/11/2023 11:50

Do what my husband and I do - don't buy each other anything, but buy your own things.

RethinkingLife · 19/11/2023 11:50

I watched the Martin Lewis Show last week and he made a very good case for adults not buying presents for each other, not least because it's pointless spending money in order to receive something you'd never have bought for yourself.

Excellent advice. It's a waste of money and resources, all too often leading to extra work, upset, or even heartache.

every year, without fail, I open a box of rhodium plated earrings with a little 'hypoallergenic' label. Which apparently makes it alright. Or he says 'the lady in the shop said they'd be fine'.

See above.

Starzinsky · 19/11/2023 11:49

I think a good choice based on your description. Maybe ask him to return but say it's on you as you weren't specific enough. A good attempt from your partner though, definitely don't think you should be angry at him as he has actually tried to be thought out.

Original poster
Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 11:47

crumblingschools · 19/11/2023 11:35

What sort of dressing gown do you want?

The style is fine, I’m not going to nitpick over the shape of a dressing gown, but the lumberjack pattern just absolutely jars with me….Id not have made this thread if he’d picked one of the plain colours it comes in😂

OP posts:
thenightsky · 19/11/2023 11:46

Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 10:30

@rwalker because I live in hope that despite 30 years of experience telling me otherwise he’ll surprise me with something I like 😂

40 years of telling DH I'd like some nice real gold earrings for Xmas because I AM ALLERGIC TO ALL OTHER METALS and every year, without fail, I open a box of rhodium plated earrings with a little 'hypoallergenic' label. Which apparently makes it alright. Or he says 'the lady in the shop said they'd be fine'.

Miscellaneousme · 19/11/2023 11:43

Just tell him you’ve seen what he’s ordered, and it’s not to your taste so can he return it.

RedRobyn2021 · 19/11/2023 11:39

Personally, I would say something. It's not like he's wasted money, he can return them.

Then send him links of what you like.

It's a shame he couldn't get it right the first time

The slippers you posted look soooo nice

ThinWomansBrain · 19/11/2023 11:37

well, erm, they do match

probably the best that can be said

crumblingschools · 19/11/2023 11:35

What sort of dressing gown do you want?

GrumpyPanda · 19/11/2023 11:35

Eeeeew pink! YANBU I wouldn't be caught dead in either of those. Do you have form for candy colours? I suspect not given the slippers you DID pick - nice natural warm colour, plus they're unlike to be polyester. I do get your frustration. It's not that he didn't pick the exact same thing, it's that he misinterpreted your personality. Tricky to have a relationship without a foundation of shared tastes.

supersonicginandtonic · 19/11/2023 11:35

I have that dressing gown 😂

Original poster
Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 11:34

gofullpelt · 19/11/2023 11:29

I think you're being a bit harsh tbh, the dressing gown looks very cosy and the slippers aren't far off what you want.

Yup, a cosy lumberjack shirt 😂

OP posts:
Mirabai · 19/11/2023 11:33

Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 11:26

And that’s fine, the world would be a very boring place if we all liked the same things! The lumberjack thing isn’t to my taste

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I’m with you OP it looks like he’s gone mad in Asda on Black Friday.

Both items are absolutely revolting.

(To be fair to Asda they do do plain dressing gowns).

DancingFerret · 19/11/2023 11:33

OH and I have a longstanding agreement not to buy each other Christmas presents; it doesn't detract from the day at all. One of my friends sends links to her husband and/or points to whatever she wants when they're out shopping.

I watched the Martin Lewis Show last week and he made a very good case for adults not buying presents for each other, not least because it's pointless spending money in order to receive something you'd never have bought for yourself.

We enjoy Christmas and don't stint on entertaining, but when it comes to presents we feel the money's better spent on a holiday in the sun in January.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 19/11/2023 11:33

Just cancel the order and order what you actual want, next year, send the links!

zingally · 19/11/2023 11:32

#feelingjudged

I like the dressing gown! It looks lovely and cozy and is a nice colour! The slippers aren't quite what I'd go for, but slippers are slippers really!

I think you're going to have to send him exact links and return the Amazon items when they come.

Mirabai · 19/11/2023 11:31

Scalottia · 19/11/2023 11:26

Wow how romantic. So then he doesn't have to make any effort at all than wrapping it.

Get better partners and stop being martyrs.

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My current partner is very good at presents, my father was dreadful - lovely man, brilliant dad, terrible at presents.

All these sad delusional matyrish women hoping for a romantic surprise yet receiving strimmers, shampoo or Cluedo: get a grip. If presents are not your partner’s strong point - take control of the situation and ensure you get what you like.

Bbq1 · 19/11/2023 11:29

Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 10:19

I think it’s the lumberjack print of the dressing gown that’s set me off! Never in 30 years have I EVER worn anything remotely lumberjack shirt like! I ALWAYS go for plain over pattern. The slippers I can just about live with and with @HamstersAreMyLife suggestion, I can get something like crocs to keep at the back door.

These are the slippers I meant, and they’re pretty much like a pair my dd has, and I did say “A pair like dd’s would be perfect”

I know I’m being a princess about this, he does try and means well, but just always gets wide of the mark…going forward I think I’m going to just have to do links and save disappointment on my part and hurt on his

Edited

Why do you keep going on about Lumberjacks - it's a checked dressing gown? Nothing wrong with it or tge slippers.

Tell him you've accidentally seen what he's bought you and would it be okay to send him links. You can cancel Amazon orders if you're quite quick about it or return.

gofullpelt · 19/11/2023 11:29

I think you're being a bit harsh tbh, the dressing gown looks very cosy and the slippers aren't far off what you want.

Ponoka7 · 19/11/2023 11:28

It's money wasted if you don't tell him, plus you'll feel resentful every day you have to wear it. Sainsbury's have done well on their dressing gowns the last few years.

viques · 19/11/2023 11:28

Soshitatgifts · 19/11/2023 09:55

These are screenshots of the monstrosities

Oh bless, he is probably so proud that the hideous pink of the slippers is picked up in the hideous pink of the dressing gown/ lumberjack shirt.

I think you either send it all back or retaliate with days of the week boxers or decrepit old man in care home pyjamas or similar.