Presenting and public speaking comes up three or four times a year in my role. It was not mentioned in the job description so I wasn’t aware of it until things shifted and we took on a couple of new projects. I am happy to do quite literally anything else, including picking up the slack for colleagues in other areas.
I don’t mind chatting one on one, happy to deliver training to small groups and speak in meetings where everyone’s sat around a table or over zoom. I would struggle very much to stand up in front of a room of 30+ people and speak.
I am autistic and I do struggle in conversation unless I am extremely familiar with the person. I am high masking so it’s not necessarily obvious at first and can maintain small talk, though internally it’s a lot of effort. I follow a sort of script of what to say in my head with pretty much all conversation, if something throws me off I struggle to know what to say. This is different if it’s just a chat with someone, as the other people can bridge the silence, but if it were just me talking to a crowd it would be very awkward. I can’t think on my feet and be spontaneous with it, I would literally lose the ability to think of what was next! I used to have a mild speech impediment which is still there and worsens with nerves or when I don’t know what to say.
A quick google says a lot of people suffer with this anxiety and avoidance feeds it. On the whole I think facing your fears is good for most things but this task in particular keeps me up at night whenever I know there’s opportunity to do it. Work seem otherwise happy with me, I love my role and it’s something I am very passionate about and good at.
WIBU to not do this task at all on grounds of the above?