To refuse to do this

I dislike this notion that loads of people dislike it so we should all just suck it up and get on with it.

I think since it is causing you distress you should look into reasonable adjustments. That is, if your employer needs something in writing to tell them how to treat you like a human being.

I was having a chat about something similar with my manager a few days ago and her thought on it was that I should be vocal about not wanting to take part in something. She saw it as a positive trait to be able to go against the herd and voice my own boundaries. Maybe I am just lucky.

For me personally, I don't like it but I can push through. It takes a lot though. And I don't think it should. I agree with the notion of feeling the fear and doing it anyway, and that true growth comes from being outside your comfort zone. But that's not the same thing as being highly stressed and having to mask. If the worry and fear is more than a few nerves in the few hours before, that isn't OK.

Academic here so have done lots of work with groups that size. You say you do fine in small-group presentations but don't know how to handle the larger crowd. Trust me nobody does - you can't focus on 30 people all at the same time. The usual trick is to pick two or three people to focus on in your audience andvsiesk to them - do you think that would make a difference to you? Maybe even get a couple of allies to sit in the audience and address them.

As to style of delivery. Sorry to say but reading out a presentation is usually a shit-show, unless it's already specifically written for oral presentation. Sentences will be too complex and pitch too level - unless you're a trained actor the danger is to send the audience to sleep. Semi-free is best, even if it seems to you like you're stuttering. Have a power-point headlining your talk, print that out and add additional details but not as written-out sentences. Just practice formulating those as you go along.

A lot of people, neurodiverse or not, find it challenging to go up in front of a crowd, so don't worry about asking for some coaching if your organisation offers that option.. Also, try and give the same presentation to a smaller audience before going up for the real thing. You've got this!

Thank god for this comment.

It's really belittling to say 'oh most people feel that way'. Most people are not autistic, it's the impact that is has on the person that's the issue here.

If it was that easy for OP and other autistic individuals to just 'practice' and 'try to get thought it' then autism wouldn't be classed as a disability and protected by law.

I was a major speaker at a big professional event. We had all rehearsed ad nauseam and the tech dept of the sponsoring company had merged all the power point presentations into one.

All was going perfectly until it got to mine. I clicked on my first slide and it was completely blank. As was the second. I died a thousand deaths at that point. It was a highly technical presentation and I needed the bullet points to guide me through it.

I had a copy on a usb in my handbag so I whipped it out, put it in the laptop and to my immense relief it worked. I was badly thrown though and I know it was not up to my usual professional standard.

Anyway a few years later I bumped into one of the attendees at another event who mentioned hearing me at that event. I mentioned that dreadful moment with a laugh but he looked completely blank. I will never forget but it had gone totally over the heads of my audience.

Take copies with you and all will be well. The audience won’t remember any hiccups or stumbles you make

Print out the presentation like others suggested and tell people to leave questions to the end.

This is just my personal view/perspective but it seems like it could count as a reasonable adjustment to me. Or at least definitely not outlandish to explore!

Although I can see other people may find presentations difficult too at times - it may not be qualitatively the same at all, given that you are autistic. It sounds like it may be taking you much longer to prepare and also affecting your well-being outside of work.

In terms of the law on reasonable adjustments, I saw a pp recommend ACAS which can be a really gd resource).
‘Access to work’ can also be helpful (though takes longer) as it gives you a specialist and personalised assessment of your needs/recommendations to employer, if you’re eligible.

Are there any support groups at your company for neurodiversity where you could get help and advice?

good luck! I do feel like one of the challenges with neurodiversity is that others can say ‘oh I have that too’ which I think can be quite incorrect sometimes….. even if well-meaning.

OP, I used to be like you. I don’t know how old you are or how far along in your career but if still quite young and looking to move up I’d suggest you take on these presentations.
just remind yourself that people are not looking to find fault. They will be there for the message and won’t be focusing on how you’re “performing “

I have been known to perch bum on edge of a desk.

So stood up but not so "exposed"

Obviously I am not presenting ever at an industry conference. This is just work. 40-50 max stuff very occasionally

I think this is tough because so many of us find presenting pretty. I’m well into my career but I hate doing it. I know I have to though. I would happily run away from it, say I was ill, find a reason why no one can expect me to do it. But then I do it anyway.

I think I am more accepting of the fear now, I know it will be there so I expect it. I also know that even if I think things are awful, what I feel inside is not the same thing other people see. They don’t feel what I feel.

Think about people you’ve seen speak in public - how hyper focused on them were you? They will be far more conscious of themselves than you are of them.

when I’m afraid I always remind myself that being brave isn’t about not feeling fear, it’s about feeling fear and pushing on regardless. And in the end what is the absolute worst that is going to happen? No one will die, it will basically all be pretty much the same whether you’re amazing or utterly shite!!

Go for it, and good luck!

Dave Allen did a joke back in the day, about people hating public speaking so much they'd rather be in the "box" than giving the eulogy. I think it is a common fear (that I also share) - I've done trainings on it that didn't help much.
I've got round it by maybe sitting down and presenting the slides, rather than stood up in front of the crowd...

Can I make a suggestion for your living room? Get a broom and sweep stuff into the middle of the room, then grab a bin bag and throw most of it in.

Yes I have never seen a work presentation go that wrong.

Or if power point or internet fails we just agree to do another time

It's just supposed to be factual delivery of information and not a witty raconteur like Peter Ustinov.

So at worse you read already printed slides out and promise to email it all afterwards.

I do vomit before presenting so I volunteer to go first mostly to get it over with. I have flash cards done which I put a treasure tag through to keep in order.

But that’s as an emergency measure. I’ve never seen a presentation not work.

I think you’d be unreasonable to refuse to do these tasks at all for those reasons yes, because it’s really quite a common thing, very few people like it and lose sleep over it, I know I always do when I have to present anything I hate it, and I know there’s at least 3 others on my team who feel the same. So it wouldn’t be fair for any one of us to refuse to do it, because that would be the rest of us- who struggle with it just as much- would have to do it more.

I’m the same as you, i’d rather take over everyone’s work load for a week than speak on stage for 10 mins! X

I think most people feel the same, I'm not austitic and public speaking makes me want to vomit. I'm a rabbit in the headlights.

Is it an anxiety issue or a sensory one? If it's a sensory one like you find it overwhelming to deal with all the visual information that you have to take in while looking at a big group looking at you... then I think it's grounds for asking for a reasonable adjustment for having a disability. Speak to ACAS.

But that's ok because you'd have huge credit for carrying on, despite not having your slides, or screen notes or whatever. People understand. The most important thing is to be human.

No, me neither. I see the next poster mentions printing the slides and notes out.