Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel cross with this stranger

58 replies

KorbutFlipLivesOn · 17/11/2023 14:55

Yesterday afternoon, at the end of a long four days of lectures, I was tired. We were listening in a classroom to the examination marker giving tips for the written piece soon to be submitted. A woman, the nearest to me, at the next table, was talking to the person next to her. and had been repeatedly for the last two hours In my head, I thought 'shut up'. Accidentally it came out of my mouth as 'Shut... ' at a volume of say a loud whisper. She did stop talking. As the word slipped out, I knew I needed to apologise for my rudeness as soon as class finished. I was fatigued, and she was talking over the speaker but my thought was verbalised and it was wrong.

As the lesson finished, I was arranging something with a colleague when this woman approached and aggressively demanded me to listen. I asked her to hold on a second, and I'd be with her. She then reverted to the teen girl (prob late 30's in reality) who talks loudly and non stop telling me all about my wrongdoing and her thoughts about me in front of the entire class of 25+ nonstop, without pausing for air. 90+% of the room had no idea what had happened until then. She went on and on. I tried to interject and ask to speak to her in private. It was so embarrassing. I apologise over her aggressive and raised voice, and tried to explain I spoke in error. I also said she should be more considerate than to talk through a zoom meeting - but she just kept shouting how dare I be so rude to her

I have to see these people in 3 months

  1. Do I try and speak to her and apologise via text
  2. Do I apologise on the group chat
  3. Do nothing
  4. Something else, tell me

thank you, I need input here

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
KorbutFlipLivesOn · 17/11/2023 22:19

Grimchmas · 17/11/2023 17:53

She deserved to be Shh'd, and expressing that badly was not the crime of the century.

Instead of apologising repeatedly to her I'd be bloody furious that she tried to chew you out!

Dignified silence to allow her to sit in shame. Certainly don't reach out to continue to apologise to such a vicious rude person!

I was bloody furious, so all your responses reassured me that I simply do nothing and greet her the same as I greet everyone else at the next round of lectures.

She will likely hold a grudge against me, rather than reflect on her own behaviour, which is ironic as we are all professional counselling therapists doing post-grad education

OP posts:
Wellawkward · 17/11/2023 22:00

I second most other posters. Do nothing and try to not give it any more head space. Sounds like she was being incredibly rude and needed someone to point that out!

KorbutFlipLivesOn · 17/11/2023 21:52

Busephalus · 17/11/2023 16:31

I'm confused, was it irl or a zoom meeting?

We were in a classroom, so face-to-face. The speaker was using Zoom to join us. The room had a big screen

OP posts:
BashfulClam · 17/11/2023 18:07

You actually stood there and let her rant? Wtf? I’d have walked away or put my headphones in and ignored the daft bint. Do nothing and next time tell her to shut up much sooner as she is being ignorant.

Pozz · 17/11/2023 18:00

VenusClapTrap · 17/11/2023 15:11

Do nothing. Everyone else probably thinks she’s a loon.

This ☝️

RoundTheBendThenBackAgain · 17/11/2023 17:54

Next time you see her, give her a filthy look. She deserves nothing more. If she says anything, tell her to piss off and walk away. She sounds like a rough, loudmothed bully. You need to stand up to these people.

Grimchmas · 17/11/2023 17:53

She deserved to be Shh'd, and expressing that badly was not the crime of the century.

Instead of apologising repeatedly to her I'd be bloody furious that she tried to chew you out!

Dignified silence to allow her to sit in shame. Certainly don't reach out to continue to apologise to such a vicious rude person!

Throwawayme · 17/11/2023 17:51

You did absolutely nothing wrong. Even if the full shut up had came out, she deserved that. I would have walked away as soon as she started ranting at me. Do absolutely nothing and if she ever does that to you again nip it right in the bud

MidnightOnceMore · 17/11/2023 17:49

Do nothing.

bahhamburgers · 17/11/2023 17:47

TotalOverhaul · 17/11/2023 15:14

Just get old. By the time you reach 50, you will have no qualms at all about telling rude self-absorbed yatterers to shut up when they are talking over the person (or performance!) everyone else is trying to hear.

You have nothing to apologise for.

This.

Although, I’m 44 and my tolerance for this
sort of shit left me about a year ago. I
would have just told her to stop talking in the first place.

CherryMyBrandy · 17/11/2023 17:46

Oops! Wrong thread. I've asked for the post to be deleted.

CherryMyBrandy · 17/11/2023 17:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Gnomegnomegnome · 17/11/2023 17:44

Do nothing. She’s made herself look silly.

theduchessofspork · 17/11/2023 17:42

.. other than you might want to address your lack of assertiveness - ie why didn’t you tell her to be quiet earlier.

SM4713 · 17/11/2023 17:42

I've been in a similar situation and just said 'Excuse me, would you please stop talking so I can hear the lecture, or step outside to chat (Big smile) Thank you! '

This was followed by many people in the room giving me a pleasing nod 😁

Ignore next time.

theduchessofspork · 17/11/2023 17:41

I’d have happily told her to be quiet, and if that didn’t work I’d have told her to shut up.

She was rude not you - and she probably knows that. No need to do anything.

IMarchToADifferentDrummer · 17/11/2023 17:39

KorbutFlipLivesOn · 17/11/2023 16:17

I am over 50!

Yup.
Yatterers, I love that word. It's new to me.
I'm like this when having to watch BBC News and them talking over people.
"You'd get your answer if you'd learn to S T F U and let them speak!"
I have to try and hold my tongue but I feel like I'd be exactly like OP!
Anyway, no need to apologise, OP, your tongue was in gear before your brain recognised what was going on, and it just slipped out.
You could have covered it by saying you were about to say 'shut the windows, I feel a chill' but you didn't, maybe couldn't think of something like that at the time, but you did apologise and nothing else needs doing!
Maybe the yatterer will now be thinking she should let others get words in sideways in future.
I hope you enjoy the next meeting!

similarminimer · 17/11/2023 17:29

Your mistake was not asking her politely to pipe down warlier so that by the end it BURST out. Its really fine to politely ask people not to disturb a lecture -
What stopped you from asking earlier?

Spirallingdownwards · 17/11/2023 17:18
  1. Put a request in the group chat that people please remain quiet whilst the lecturer is talking so that other people can hear what is being said.
TotalOverhaul · 17/11/2023 17:15

KorbutFlipLivesOn · 17/11/2023 16:17

I am over 50!

I must be bolshier than most. Though to be fair, stopping caring if I rattled rude people happened post menopause, after 55. I find people who talk when others are talking SO rude that shushing them is polite in comparison.

ManateeFair · 17/11/2023 16:58

Do nothing. She's not your friend and I assume she's not a colleague. She's just someone doing the same course as you, that's all. You don't have to be on good terms with her.

She sounds like a terrible arsehole.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 17/11/2023 16:49

Do nothing.

But in your head……. picture an image where you shove her head first into a used toilet and pull the flush repeatedly.

Night409 · 17/11/2023 16:48

You told her to shut up which is a bit rude - you could have just said can you keep it down please because I can’t hear.

She then called you out on it and was rude in the process.

I’d say you’re both even and nothing else needs to be done.

You’ve already apologised and you should definitely not apologise again.

StoneofDestiny · 17/11/2023 16:47

Och ignore her - she's had enough notice by drowning out the person who should have been the centre of attention

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 17/11/2023 16:46

Do nothing, she is rude and inconsiderate, not worth your time.
Let her words be like water off a duck's back.

Next time when someone is talking and interrupting a lecture, say something early on. It's not rude to ask people to be quiet and not to disrupt others, frankly I can't believe you put up with it for two hours when she is clearly being aggravating.