baby situation

well we don’t know as op doesn’t appear to know or want to tell us 🤷‍♀️

@Afteropening

A year is probably about right but she's not said she wants one right this minute.

In all honesty, you can’t trust that. All you can do is make the best decision for yourself that you can.

If you love this man and YOU believe he will be ready in 2 years and you’re willing to take the risk and wait for him then do that. If you’re not sure he will be, and a baby is priority for you, then don’t wait around for him and move on, but just remember even if you do that, you’re not going to meet someone tomorrow who you move in with immediately and who will want a child immediately. You could leave and still be child less in 2 years as well as possibly single.

Nobody can see the future, you just have to look at all of your potential options and decide which one you can best live with x

How long have you been together?

TA pay is shit but being a TA with young children can be a God send!

I think now or very soon, is the ideal time to start TTC because he can be the main carer.

You won’t have to worry about childcare during the holidays and then as the children get older, he can find a job that’s better paid.

If you wait another 2 years, that potentially means one of your careers are affected.
Its better to get the kids out of the way and then he can focus on building his career up.

do you work? @Ladyj84

This.

If he's worried about not making enough money then he needs to get off his arse and make more money, not run down the OP's biological clock.

Well my hubby does 25 hrs a week and we had child 2 when I was 37 and twins at 38 and managed just fine and still do with now 3 toddlers. No savings but we make it work, nobody goes without,bills all up to date and no debts. Simple but happy life and I wouldn't change mine. Oh and we had a basic registry wedding me hubby and 2 others it was ace then a short honeymoon where no 2 was conceived lol and a party a month later to keep family happy. We loved it because it's what we wanted

I'd also be questioning if you can get UC for childcare. I think the cut off is very low. It's a different world now but when DD was small, we had basic jobs and were entitled to nothing. What we were told we were entitled to, we had to pay back. When I looked at not going back to work, they said entitled to nothing as DP should pay for us. He wasn't on much at the time. Neither of us were.

I think you’d be fine. You would get UC to cover most of the childcare, you might not be in a position to save much though so maybe marriage and moving needs to be done before you have kids.

Why is he a TA on zero hours? Could he train to be a teacher? Whatever it is about his role that he likes, he needs to use that and get a better paid, contracted position. Off the cuff, it sounds lazy and defeatist to have no promised work as one half of a household and hold the other back based on that.

I think neither of YABU.

i’m the same as you in that i had an absolute cut off of mid 30s to have kids.

However he’s also right to be concerned about finances. Sounds like you might have some extra help with childcare, but as an example, my nursery fees for 5 short days are £1150 month. That’s already with the tax free childcare.

I think you’ll be fine OP. The break from work and then childcare are the most expensive things, but you’ve got a fab package, and if you wait a tiny bit longer you’d qualify for free 30 hours from 9 months old. I’m about to start mat leave with no pay whatsoever 😱

Buy everything second hand, it needn’t cost a fortune. I got loads of free stuff from Facebook marketplace, all lovely, lots was brand new!

Best of luck to you both

everywhere i have worked, i have needed to be there at least a year before entitles to full enhanced

and then what?

stat maternity pay and potentially a husband not earning anything

which would be ok if he and you are happy with him being a sahd

And she's in her probation period so not long.

@Afteropening she's already said. 6 months full pay.

op i have asked a few times - do you know what enhanced maternity your employer offers?

and how long do you need to have been there to be eligible?

I’m in the north too and your situation isn’t dire. Plenty of people make it work in the same situation. I think he’s being overly cautious and there will never be a “right time”. You just make it work. Having a good maternity package will make all the difference. If he gets plenty work and you have family help then you’re in a better situation than many.

That wouldn't be good enough for me.
Hang fire.

@lemongrab33 , a bit of a nosy question but is there a neurodivergent reason as to why your fiancé has possibly difficulties in moving about in employment? Being a TA is not an issue, the holiday time and work hours are actually excellent for childcare. However if ND is a factor, there is a possibility any child might inherit a disability and that could impact work for one or both of you in the longterm. I know that’s a lot of ifs and buts, however it may also be something to consider.

No I totally understand what you mean, and it’s unfortunately one of those things that men and women will probably always see differently because while for men it can genuinely be a case of “when I feel completely ready I can become a dad”, women are always going to have that age factor which plays a much more important role for us than being “ready”.

If having children is an absolute must for you, then I think it’s time for a serious chat, see what plans you (he) could make to become more stable asap financially, see what he see’s the future looking like and how far away that future is in his mind. But you should be prepared for the fact that maybe the finances are just an excuse and that he’s actually not ready for a child yet. If that is the case, then you need to think about what you are prepared to risk- you could decide that you love him and want to stay and see what happens, or you might decide that the risk of not having a child if you stay with him means you don’t want to continue the relationship at all.

It’s entirely up to you x

I agree with PP saying he should try to find a permanent position before you conceive - it's not just about the pay it's also the entitlement to shared parental leave and pay. Then if you need to you can go back to work after 6 months and he can take 6 months of shared parental leave (for 3 months of that he could get statutory shared parental pay).

If you would be mainly living on your wage, is there a backup plan if for some reason you lose your job (e.g. family help while you find a new one?).