Am I wrong

YANBU but you need to clarify your position because you sound confused, which is not going to help you explain your position to them.

From my understanding, you don't consider this person to be a permanent member of the household but rather a temporary guest of your son. Therefore it is entirely understandable you don't wish them to be left in sole charge of the property while you are away.

But if she is not supposed to be living there permanently, I think you need to tackle that as June is some time ago.

I agree with you wholeheartedly OP. She can move out whilst you’re away. You read so many threads on here where young adults get in to serious relationships and then move in their BF or GF and before you know you’re stuck with them and they’re living rent free, working part-time and you are lumbered with another child. Stick to your guns, if she doesn’t like it she can move out, oh but wait, she won’t, because she’s on to a winner.

You clearly don't trust her hands of some who I consider irresponsible

If rent is being paid on her behalf, it is her home tbh but as you are the homeowner just tell her it is an insurance issue, and you won’t take the risk.

I would not have let her move in at all. A short stay maybe but your home is your private space and she is not a family member yet. Plus she extended it without your specific agreement.

You didn't invite her into your home - it sounds as though she managed to get in on the pretence she'd stay a short time and now it's months later and she's still there.

I wouldn't want her there either if you say she's irresponsible. In fact I'd say now is the time for her to find her own place.

I wouldn't want her either, and I would use the week she's not there to make sure she doesn't come back. If she's not gone back to uni what are her plans, beyond using you and your son for free food and accommodation?

Will it do something to your house insurance to have her there for a week without a family member there too?

You have allowed her to move in, it is now her home also. Would you make your son move out for the week if he wasn't coming on holiday with you? If not then yabvu

Your objection to her being there doesn’t sound particularly reasonable (as in, the reason you give seems to be the equivalent of “it feels icky”, which is a pretty shitty reason to make someone move out of their home for a week). But at the same time she and your DS have coerced you into agreeing to her living there when you don’t really want her to, so they don’t really have the moral high ground. So YABU and YANBU.

I think that the crux of the problem is that if she stays behind then you are admitting tbat she's permanent and atm you see her as temporary.

You need to sit down with DS and thrash out why she is still under your roof if not how he seems to be prepared to go on holiday without her. Be clear on what you want going on under your roof - something you may need to thrash out with DH beforehand.

Wishing you all the best.

I understand where you're coming from OP, but I also think you should put a stop to her living in your home.

When they are earning enough they can set up home together but in the meantime I wouldn't facilitate them playing house together by living in your home. It blurs too many boundaries and ends up with messy situations like this.

YABU, OP. You either trust her enough to live with her, or you don't. It's fine it you don't, but you should have said something when she didn't leave at the end of July. She's been living with you for over 3 months now and probably feels (rightly or wrongly) like your house has become her home.

Where did she live before she moved in with you? In halls? With her parents? Is there a reason she can't go back there?

Of course you can ask for your keys back and change the locks to be sure, but be prepared to have a falling out with your son over this. I guess it depends whether you think she'll be in his life for long and if this sort of argument is something you think he'll move on from or hold against you.

She is a 21 year old adult woman, why the hell should anyone be being for her holiday ? She is already taking the mick by overstaying the month she moved in for. She is not a child.

I don't understand why she can't stay. You say it's not that you don't trust her but you also say she is irresponsible what has she done to make you think that. I don't think you can say you trust her but also that she is irresponsible.
If she is trustworthy surely it's better to have someone living in your house and looking after it while you are away than not and if she lives with you where is she supposed to go for that week?.

So she has overstayed, why? Is she working full time?

Aren't guests like fish? OK for a few days then best got rid of.

But it is like you’re kicking her out. And you’re saying you don’t trust her. Both are fairly unreasonable.

Who the fuck suggested op pay her stay in a hotel? Mn is hilarious! If ds dumped her where would she go?

I think it will cause a rift and your son + potential DIL will think you don't trust her.

Do you have actual concerns or it is just her being in the house?

Hi @INeedFriends

Please check your home insurance policy - mine would not cover for theft/damaged contents if I allowed an unrelated/non-family member to stay alone overnight.

You allow her to live in your home but don't trust her to stay there unsupervised? Like a puppy then or do you think she'll trash your house?

This is absolutely bonkers. Turf her out already because this is just ridiculous.

Yeah, I do agree with this. Mixed messages.

YABU she lives there