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Brumbies · 2023-11-14T13:44:31+00:00

Short story is, I'm looking after 6 year old granddaughter - father is my son. He's neurotic about everything. My boyfriend of 3 years stays here most of time. We want go out for day, with granddaughter but son says I can't, not with boyfriend. We're both pensioners. Unreasonable or not?

Spirallingdownwards · 14/11/2023 16:26

Notwithstanding all the other issues re your son is there something your son is concerned about your boyfriend's driving ability speeding, safety concerns?

ColleenDonaghy · 14/11/2023 16:00

myotherkidisacassowary · 14/11/2023 15:55

There was over an hour between OP’s post about her son being dominating and scary, and your post telling her to be more supportive.

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Ah ok fair enough, I'm at work and must have typed and posted later.

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 14/11/2023 15:56

ManateeFair · 14/11/2023 15:15

So your issue is not, in fact, that your son doesn't want you and your partner to take your granddaughter out for the day, but the fact that your son is essentially abusive towards you in general.

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This^
if you son is being abusive to you then you need to get him out of your home. If he is abusive to his DD or unsafe you need to raise the alarm about that.

If it were just the issue of him not wanting you to take his DD out with your BF I’d say that is his choice as her father. However you also have a choice in offering childcare or not and under what circumstances you are able to offer childcare.

myotherkidisacassowary · 14/11/2023 15:55

ColleenDonaghy · 14/11/2023 15:48

Very clearly I cross posted with OP saying she felt unsafe.

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There was over an hour between OP’s post about her son being dominating and scary, and your post telling her to be more supportive.

ColleenDonaghy · 14/11/2023 15:48

myotherkidisacassowary · 14/11/2023 15:37

Support him in what? In him bullying her? In him making arbitrary distinctions about when his daughter can or can’t be around OP’s boyfriend?

OP is already supporting her son to a significant degree by giving him somewhere to live and free childcare. She doesn’t need to agree to his ridiculous requests.

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Very clearly I cross posted with OP saying she felt unsafe.

myotherkidisacassowary · 14/11/2023 15:37

ColleenDonaghy · 14/11/2023 15:05

Honestly I read your messages and interpreted them very differently to other posters.

Your son lives with you so presumably knows your partner well enough to have formed an opinion on him. There is a reason that he doesn't want him on outings so I would respect that.

Also, your son is doing something very difficult, raising a young child after the death of his partner. I know you're giving a lot of practical support but I would be inclined to cut him some slack and support him in this.

Support him in what? In him bullying her? In him making arbitrary distinctions about when his daughter can or can’t be around OP’s boyfriend?

OP is already supporting her son to a significant degree by giving him somewhere to live and free childcare. She doesn’t need to agree to his ridiculous requests.

Nicole1111 · 14/11/2023 15:33

Please contact your local domestic abuse charity for support. He needs to leave your home and fend for himself so you can have peace and freedom from abuse.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/11/2023 15:24

Your son is a bully, that’s the issue.

I would say don’t have your gd if he wants to lay down rules, but are you concerned about her being with such a bullying man?

Whiteday · 14/11/2023 15:21

Spirallingdownwards · 14/11/2023 13:48

How long has he been your boyfriend? Has your son met him? Does your grandchild know him? How long has he been your boyfriend? What do you know about him?

Maybe just sensible rather than neurotic?

3 years, as it clearly states? He's neurotic not sensible!

OP I'd be refusing to look after the child unless it's convenient to you!

OLDERME · 14/11/2023 15:18

Has he ever planted doubt about your partner? Could he be seeing something that concerns him? Are your concerns about his health justified? Would be best if you had a real discussion with him. It is your home and you can insist.

ManateeFair · 14/11/2023 15:15

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 13:53

Son tries to dominate me, at times he's scary. I'm convinced he has mental health issues.

So your issue is not, in fact, that your son doesn't want you and your partner to take your granddaughter out for the day, but the fact that your son is essentially abusive towards you in general.

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 14/11/2023 15:08

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 13:55

No all he says is that ishow it has to be

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And what do you answer then? Hopefully: my house, my rules.

ColleenDonaghy · 14/11/2023 15:05

Honestly I read your messages and interpreted them very differently to other posters.

Your son lives with you so presumably knows your partner well enough to have formed an opinion on him. There is a reason that he doesn't want him on outings so I would respect that.

Also, your son is doing something very difficult, raising a young child after the death of his partner. I know you're giving a lot of practical support but I would be inclined to cut him some slack and support him in this.

Original poster

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 14:57

Sometimes I don't feel safe, BF has been away last week or so, back tomorrow. Then I'm going to ask him to stay for a while.

OP posts:

Original poster

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 14:56

Motnight · 14/11/2023 14:22

Op how are things generally between you and your son? Is he bullying you regarding other things as well?

Yes

OP posts:

steppemum · 14/11/2023 14:23

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 13:53

Son tries to dominate me, at times he's scary. I'm convinced he has mental health issues.

This is your most worrying post.

Do you feel safe Op?

Motnight · 14/11/2023 14:22

Op how are things generally between you and your son? Is he bullying you regarding other things as well?

DinoRaar · 14/11/2023 14:13

OfficerChurlish · 14/11/2023 14:05

We want go out for day, with granddaughter but son says I can't, not with boyfriend.

Tell your son that you and your boyfriend are going to x for the day and you're happy to take your granddaughter; if he says she can't go he will have to make arrangements for her to be looked after during that time.

Exactly this. Your son doesn't get to dictate anything to you, especially when you are doing him a favour. If he wants your help he has to accept that it's on your terms, not his.

OfficerChurlish · 14/11/2023 14:05

We want go out for day, with granddaughter but son says I can't, not with boyfriend.

Tell your son that you and your boyfriend are going to x for the day and you're happy to take your granddaughter; if he says she can't go he will have to make arrangements for her to be looked after during that time.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 14/11/2023 14:03

Scenario ds asks you to babysit on Saturday you say sorry you have made plans with bf instead...

Original poster

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 14:02

mother is passed

OP posts:

DinoRaar · 14/11/2023 14:01

That's no way to live OP. Is your granddaughter's mother involved at all?

Mothership4two · 14/11/2023 14:00

Does your BF have any mobility or health issues? Is he worried he could keel over when you are out? If not, then I would say to him that unless he can give you a good reason you will be taking her out if he wants you to look after her. Incidentally do you know if GD's mother has said anything?

Original poster

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 13:55

Luxell934 · 14/11/2023 13:52

So the son and daughter live with you and your boyfriend stays there most of the time, but your son doesn’t want you to go out of the house with both your granddaughter and boyfriend? But just you and her is okay?

There must be a reason why he feels this way, has he said why?

No all he says is that ishow it has to be

OP posts:

Original poster

Brumbies · 14/11/2023 13:54

OhComeOnFFS · 14/11/2023 13:53

Is he stopping you from having your boyfriend visit when you're babysitting, too?

No

OP posts: