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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another Christmas thread...

64 replies

dishyrishi · 13/11/2023 20:53

MIL lives 300 miles away, and always comes for Christmas, never goes to other children, always us. Stays for at least a week, doesn't lift a finger. My family don't come, and we don't go to them anymore.

DH today asked what the plan with Xmas, should we invite mum...

I've lost the plot a bit and said no. He now has a face on.

I'm sick of it. I want Christmas at home in my PJs with my teenagers.

We have no spare bedroom so someone has to give up their bed. I'm not prepared to do it any more.

I work full time and do the majority of the cooking/cleaning and planning. I also have a medical condition and just need a bloody rest not to host for a week.

AIBU, do other people just put up with this and suck it up, I've done it for years, dragging my arse around the country, or hosting and having guests. Is it really unfair to wait to stay home and do nothing?

OP posts:
BMrs · 14/11/2023 06:02

That's really difficult. Would she be on her own otherwise? Could you compromise and invite her but say it will only be overnight as you have plans?

Personally I don't see MIL on Xmas day as she's really toxic and we don't get on. I'm the last couple of years we've gone away and spent Xmas just us and DC and it's been lovely after years of large family gatherings I have mostly hosted.

EtiennePalmiere · 14/11/2023 04:40

Put it in writing via Whatsapp to him that you're not going to do the food etc because you always do it, then actually don't do it. If anyone complains tell them he was informed. Definitely don't martyr yourself.

MustBeGinOclock · 14/11/2023 04:29

Definitely deserve to have xmas your way op, time for a break.

Original poster
dishyrishi · 13/11/2023 22:14

wokbun · 13/11/2023 20:55

You're fine. Or! You could go away for a week to a nice hotel and leave him to it

I wish I could do this but have dogs

OP posts:
Original poster
dishyrishi · 13/11/2023 22:14

Ifailed · 13/11/2023 20:54

There's a dedicated xmas section, why not post there?

Found that now but it's all talk of baubles and pressies

OP posts:
Original poster
dishyrishi · 13/11/2023 21:20

jesper1 · 13/11/2023 21:19

Has DH got siblings? If so why can't one of them invite her for a change

They've sort of all fallen out, say no more

OP posts:
jesper1 · 13/11/2023 21:19

Has DH got siblings? If so why can't one of them invite her for a change

Original poster
dishyrishi · 13/11/2023 21:18

Loubelle70 · 13/11/2023 21:05

I went through this and i am disabled...running around after everyone, doing everything, cooking, washing up etc..shopping beforehand, meal planning, cleaning...no one lifted finger..so i stopped it. Stop it OP. I also wouldn't say to DH to do it because they ALWAYS no matter what they aay at time, will leave it to you either way. Say no and mean no.

This is correct, my DH talks a good talk about helping out, but just cracks open a bottle, holders talking with her and leaves me to sort stuff

OP posts:
Original poster
dishyrishi · 13/11/2023 21:17

*non of the usual

OP posts:
Original poster
dishyrishi · 13/11/2023 21:16

I say all this with nobenofbthebudual anti MIL stuff, if she lived local no problem to come for dinner, but it's always a weeks trip, like a little holiday at the expense of my sanity and own needs

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 13/11/2023 21:05

I went through this and i am disabled...running around after everyone, doing everything, cooking, washing up etc..shopping beforehand, meal planning, cleaning...no one lifted finger..so i stopped it. Stop it OP. I also wouldn't say to DH to do it because they ALWAYS no matter what they aay at time, will leave it to you either way. Say no and mean no.

VanityDiesHard · 13/11/2023 21:01

YANBU. Either your husband does all the work, or his mother doesn't come. I would make this your hill to die on. As it is unlikely he will do the work, just uninvite her. You aren't a hotel!!

wokbun · 13/11/2023 20:55

You're fine. Or! You could go away for a week to a nice hotel and leave him to it

Ifailed · 13/11/2023 20:54

There's a dedicated xmas section, why not post there?