How do you and your DP argue?

We don't argue that often but when we do there is most definitely shouting and swearing. We always both apologise after we've calmed down.

I know no one asked me, I did post earlier saying we have never had a cross word. It doesn't mean we don't disagree. Or that I can't say no to something. It just means we don't row about things.

We don't argue, sometimes we'll bicker for a few minutes, but that's usually because I'm the one folding arms and saying humphhh!
He's usually too laid back to summons up the energy to argue.
Never name calling, swearing or getting personal though.
In over forty years of marriage I can honestly say that we've only ever had one all out ding dong where the gloves came off and there was enough swearing to make a docker blush.
It ended with me throwing a large mixing bowl full of Yorkshire pudding batter across the kitchen.
We laugh about it now and neither of us could even tell you what it was about.

Bature: you say unhealthy and repressed I say that conflict just never arises. Dp recently wanted to extend our pond. I said maybe wait until after Christmas when the weather is warmer and we are less busy. Ok he said. No drama. If he had wanted to continue I would have said ok. No drama.

What do you think a minor disagreement is, exactly? We’re not talking about cross words, though. In fact, this post is specifically not about cross words. It’s about being able to disagree with your partner, have a civil adult conversation about said agreement and come to a mutually satisfactory conclusion.

You’re apparently saying that you’ve never had to do that. You may think it sounds blissful, but it just sounds a bit unhealthy and repressed. Nobody can 100% agree with anyone 100% of the time, and that’s okay. It’s not a particularly desirable state.

Same as you OP. I grew up in a shouty household with shouty parents who thought they hid their screaming matches from us but really didn't. As we got older they told us screaming and swearing at one another or chucking things at eachother is normal when you love eachother and couples who don't fight regularly are just "suppressing their emotions". It's fucking horrible to live like that so I swore it'd never be me.

Happy to say in 17 years we've never shouted at or screamed at one another or had a blazing row of any kind. Worst thing I've ever chucked at him is a sock. The odd minor disagreement is resolved by talking to each other. My daughter has never had to put her pillow over her ears to drown out the sounds of her parents verbally abusing each other like I did.

I still know lots of people who, like my parents, think ferocious rows are a sign of true love and passion. I feel sad for those people.

Lusabatoosa: I know it sounds unbelievable and we often say to each other that we never have a cross word but we just don't. We enjoy being together too much to waste it with a disagreement. We are on the same page with life in general. At the end of a weekend when work/school/the routine is about to begin again we often say to each other "I've had a lovely weekend with you".

Neither of us can be arsed with blazing rows or being in a mood all day or anything like that.

We obviously disagree on occasion, but we're both quite good at communicating if we are- saying "hey I have something I need to get off my chest, you annoyed me before when you said x as it made me feel y".

I grew up in an emotionally repressed household where parents never said they were annoyed till it would blow up with someone snapping and a blazing row. Made me feel on eggshells in my own home, and I would never willingly choose that environment again.

We've maybe had any 3 of those types of row in 12 years.

It happens sometimes.

One of the reasons my current relationship works and my marriage didn't is that when we argue (which isn't very often) we argue rationally, respectfully and without bringing personal insults into it. Perspectives get considered, lessons get learned and people take care not to do the same things again. One of the reasons I love my partner is that each time I've raised something with him he takes it on board and literally never does it again.

I came from a family where people argued a lot and it was encouraged as a "healthy exchange of views". It wasn't. It was usually vindictive venting and it led to some terminally damaging things being said. My marriage was like this and my husband used to constantly character assassinate me in the name of "clearing the air". It didn't clear the air, it poisoned the relationship.

There's a spectrum from never discussing anything of any importance ever up to constantly kicking off about everything. Neither extreme is healthy. Communication is important; not being able to discuss problems in a relationship is not a good thing and I'm slightly suspicious that couples who literally never argue are just tamping things down and swallowing them. But personalising and weaponising everything is a fast road to destroying your partner's self-esteem and trust. There's an art to constructive argument.

Generally speaking, we don't argue. We do have opinions that differ, and we do state our own opinion. Either we reach a compromise, or, what usually happens, one of us just isn't as invested in that particular subject, and is happy to step back and let the other one get on with it.

Also, if we do get huffy with each other, neither of us actually likes it, so invariably one of us makes the other on a cup of tea as a peace offering, then we agree to disagree.

I don't recall ever having a slanging match with DH. It's not something I feel comfortable doing.

Neither dh nor I have ever lost our tempers at each other (18 years). But we do say when we’re not happy pretty immediately so there’s nothing bottled up to explode. And we’re mostly caring of each other and only thoughtless very occasionally and happy to apologise.

Meh, I tell DH to fuck off most days, and he tells me the samr but we are a sweary couple and it's usually in jest.

However we have enormous blazing rows and some of them have been very nasty or unnecessary at times on both parts.

We may occasionally raise voices but typically don’t. What we absolutely never do is make the argument personal - no insults, swearing or assigning blame.
I used to date someone who turned every argument into a list of my personal faults. It’s not until I met my partner I realised how inappropriate it was. Even if we have the worst argument ever, he is never rude or cruel.

We rarely argue but there have been times we have shouted and sworn at each other through frustration but we've worked through it. Talked about it and apologised.

No relationship is perfect.

We don’t shout or insult each other, ever. In all my previous relationships there were arguments like that, and I thought it was normal, and then I met DP and discovered that it doesn’t have to be like that. I am a thousand times happier without all the drama.

We agree on most things so we don’t have a huge amount to argue about anyway, but the few disagreements we have are very civilised.

I’ve literally never heard my DP shout in any setting except football matches.

We tend to grumble at each other and sulk and have a bit of space to ourselves for a couple of hours and then make up. Sometimes I think that shouting at each other would be healthier, because we do sometimes smooth over little issues until they become bigger problems, or not express when we upset because we both dislike conflict. I think we've got better at conflict over the almost 30 years we've been together, but we haven't reached the ideal balance yet, either.

Bature: nope. Never. We just get along fantastically well. He is fantastic company. Plus thoughtful and gorgeous. We are very happy. I can't even think of anything he does that causes me minor annoyance. It's just the way we are.

Been together 45 years and neither of us have ever shouted or sworn at the other. Minor friendly bickering is the worst it gets.

My DC and their partners are the same.

I never shout, scream or raise my voice. I’m quick to tell him to fuck off or shut the fuck up but that’s because I have a potty mouth anyway. I swear all the time so it doesn’t just disappear in an argument.

He never swears, doesn’t raise his voice or shout. He barely says anything as he’s so nonchalant so he usually leaves me for an hour or two to calm down and then we can talk properly. We rarely argue tbf

We sometimes fall out and there are sometimes raised voices but we never call each other names, ever, and we don’t swear at each other. We don’t say anything in the heat of the moment that can’t be taken back, so we only ever attack behaviour, not the person. And however much we’re annoying the other one, we don’t want to hurt them just to score points.

Oh, I wasn't referring to you personally :)

I just know in general from these threads that any mention of raised voices or bad language seems to automatically trigger the "LTB" type replies.

Personally I think there's a difference between swearing in jest or as part of your normal vocabulary, and swearing in anger. I wouldn't tolerate the latter.

17 years together; we disagree from time to time, obviously, but we have never raised our voices at each other and never sworn at or otherwise insulted the other person.

OP we're the same as you. Can't be doing with the yelling and screaming! Never swear at him, or name call. That's just disrespectful.