Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being ignored by someone new

189 replies

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 13:27

For the last three weeks I have been talking to someone over Facebook (my old school friends brother) and meeting him. The last Time i seen him I went for a drink with him and his friend after I finished work, his friend (who is a good friend of my sister) warned me to be careful. He told me that the person I had been speaking to infact had a girlfriend and not to trust him. I confronted him about this and he said his friend was lying and trying to get into my pants ( this confirmed later on that night when his friend tried to kiss me but I rejected his advances) I didn’t want to speak to him as I believed he was lying so I went into the girls toilets to collect my thoughts to him following me in and refusing to leave when I asked him too as he wanted to “explain” him self. The whole night he was recording me and sending videos of me to my friends boyfriend ( they are good friends, I found this out days later). Still denying he had a girlfriend, I didn’t believe him and I seen in his phone he had several messages of someone saved as “my forever” so I blocked him.

He rang me of his mums phone, he made new Facebook accounts to get hold of me telling me that he chooses me and he’s not been with his ex for months and after about 3 days I got back into contact with him as I was being told he was telling people very personal details about our sex life so I wanted to know why. He basically said he was angry and hurt so he did that because I blocked him, he wanted to speak to me properly so I went round to his house to see him. When there I left my glasses as I went round to his after work.

the day after he wanted to meet me but I told him I already had plans with my friend and that I would meet him after. He was telling me I had best be back home for 12 or he’s snapping my glasses ( sending me photos wearing them) I told him point blank I am not meeting him at all then and the next minute he sent me photo of my glasses snapped in half with the lenses out. I told him not to speak to me ever again and now he’s saying he’s going out tonight and he’s going to have sex with someone but it’ll be someone that I know.

he is completely point blank ignoring me, every time I try to apologise for not meeting him he just ignores me I do understand that he’s clearly upset because I haven’t met him but I don’t understand why he will not speak to me. I feel like I’ve messed up and I’m not quiet sure what to do now

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Thread gallery
5
ninjasnap · 12/11/2023 01:17

You need to take hold of your life here, please

Maray1967 · 11/11/2023 21:52

There is no mystery here at all. He’s vile. You dump him. It is - or it should be - as simple as that.

The UK education system is failing badly when girls have not learned by 16 that men who do this must be avoided.

TheShellBeach · 11/11/2023 21:42

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 19:56

Good shout, do I go through 101?

Who are you replying to?
Can you quote them.

Hotchocolatemousse · 10/11/2023 21:23

Get some therapy to help you make right choices and move forward in your life. Your boundaries are skewed because you've had an abusive childhood and a toxic past relationship. You need to reset your boundaries otherwise you'll always attract toxic people.

SeethroughDress · 10/11/2023 21:18

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 15:08

I won’t be speaking to him again I have blocked him, he’s obviously not the person he made him self out to be so I have nothing else to say to him.

OP, in the nicest possible way, he’s been demonstrably awful since you first met. What he tells you about himself is irrelevant. I could tell you I’m the Angel Gabriel while I torture kittens in front of you.

Do not engage further and don’t even consider dating again till you’ve improved your MH and your self-esteem.

And don’t engage with illiterate men.

Toddlerteaplease · 10/11/2023 21:10

Better snapped glasses than a snapped neck.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 10/11/2023 20:53

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 20:03

I’m not to sure if a condom was used I really don’t think so as when I last seen him he was making jokes saying “I could be pregnant with his baby”. My mums and dads relationship was abusive, my mum used to be abusive towards me. I’d have knifes held up to me ect. My relationship I have just come out with was extremely violent which I’ve spoken to this new guy about. He knows all about my ex partner and he basically blackmails me to tell him that I’ve moved on. The night i met him he was grabbing my phone of me sending videos of him self to my ex.

i Left my ex due to him attacking me and myself having to call the police on him. He still try’s to contact me too this day, I don’t have him blocked as he turns up to my house if I do so it’s much easier for me and more peaceful to keep him unblocked.

You didn't check to make sure that he was wearing one before and after sex? You're too naïve and trusting, never trust a man to protect you from pregnancy, always check the condom. It's not him that gets knocked up, is it?

Given what you said about your abusive mum, I'm nor surprised that your boundaries and sense of danger are out of whack.

Tomorrow, get yourself a two pack of pregnancy tests, one for now and one for three weeks time in case now is too soon. The earlier you detect a pregnancy, the more option you have. You can have abortion pills sent to your home if you catch it early enough. I cannot sufficiently recommend that you abort if you are pregnant, normally I'd say to do what you feel is right but this man is dangerous and you must not be tied to him by a child.

On Monday, book yourself an appointment with the GUM clinic for tests and book another in three months because some diseases take a while to show.

Someone else mentioned the Freedom Programme, please take it. It will take a few weeks but it's worth it. Your local Refuge / Women's Aid / similar might also offer it taught in person, which you may find easier to keep focussed on than the online version. Please don't feel that you're ineligible for Freedom Programme because he didn't hit you: the point of it is as much about preventing women from shacking up with dangerous men as it is about leaving them.

And get a restraining order against the violent ex.

On Mumsnet somewhere is the Stately Homes thread to support survivors of abusive parents.

Pipsquiggle · 10/11/2023 20:29

I would start by getting in touch with your old university. Your tuition fees will probably be unavailable but they may be able to give you advice about your options - you won't be the first or the last to leave their course before the end

I think you have done the right thing by blocking the dickhead.

I grew up in a small, extremely deprived town. I left to go to uni and just realised there's a whole world out there. It's really hard to recognise how suffocating life in a small town is. Your drama sounded exactly like a Friday night out on the town when I was 18. As you get older and a bit more worldly wise you just realise how stupid these incidents were and how many people just live these small lives and how more opportunities are open to you if you move further afield.

Good luck OP

Wowzel · 10/11/2023 20:14

He sounds really unhinged.

Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 20:07

Aw Thankyou for the kind words, I really do want a new life I just want to move away where no body knows me and start over fresh, I’m terrible with money and spending though it’s my own fault to be honest but I guess once I start therapy I might be able to control my spending habits. He’s blocked I just feel stupid I have the worse taste in men ever

OP posts:
Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 20:03

I’m not to sure if a condom was used I really don’t think so as when I last seen him he was making jokes saying “I could be pregnant with his baby”. My mums and dads relationship was abusive, my mum used to be abusive towards me. I’d have knifes held up to me ect. My relationship I have just come out with was extremely violent which I’ve spoken to this new guy about. He knows all about my ex partner and he basically blackmails me to tell him that I’ve moved on. The night i met him he was grabbing my phone of me sending videos of him self to my ex.

i Left my ex due to him attacking me and myself having to call the police on him. He still try’s to contact me too this day, I don’t have him blocked as he turns up to my house if I do so it’s much easier for me and more peaceful to keep him unblocked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 19:56

Good shout, do I go through 101?

OP posts:
Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 19:55

Thank-you when it’s put like that it makes me realise what a waste he is i’m thinking of getting my self into boxing I’m just a very awkward person and I hate hate going new places on my own. But I guess I need to just push my self out of my comfort zone otherwise I’ll be stuck in a rut.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 19:52

My only problem with going back to university is my student loan because I left half way through I’m unsure on the next steps. I live in a very very small town it’s so toxic, I really do want to move out of here it’s just my financial situation at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 19:49

I’ve made sure to tell my friends what he’s planning to do, I’ve blocked him and he’s still blocked I have no intentions of unblocking him because after reading peoples opinions on the situation it’s painted a complete different picture for me about him. He’s just a nasty person all in all. I’m going to be on my own for a bit and give my self time to heal.

OP posts:
coldcallerbaiter · 10/11/2023 19:49

Hoping OP has learned from this, he picked on her vulnerability. OP get advice from a trusted friend about your safety and do not be afraid to stand up for yourself.

Fannyfiggs · 10/11/2023 19:03

There's nothing more I can say that's not already been said, apart from reiterate what pp have stated:

PLEASE BLOCK THIS MAN AND NEVER HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM AGAIN. HE IS DANGEROUS!

Take care of yourself sweetheart ❤️

JudyGemstone · 10/11/2023 18:39

Can we all just stop calling OP immature and talking about her age? She IS young, she’s said so twice.

OP this man is going to really hurt a woman one day. Probably a succession of them. Don’t let that be you.

you absolutely can have a different life, with good friends, work or study and a lovely partner. don’t chase it in the wrong places, it will all come naturally as you start to heal yourself.

You have a lot of work to do and professional therapy would be great but you can start now.

look at some self help websites and books on emotional regulation skills, self compassion and health relationships. I’m sure people on here have some good recommendations.

try and get out of the house and get fresh air most days, eat well and get lots of sleep. Start with the basics.

contact your local MIND and NHS talking therapies service. They are self referral.

you are worthy of love and kindness, you can start with beginning to show this to yourself ❤️

RantyAnty · 10/11/2023 18:17

It sounds like you have been through a lot. Please continue on with going to the GP and a therapist and stick with it for awhile.

There will someone good and loving for you but right now, when you are this vulnerable, the crazies like that guy will flock aroud in droves to use you.

Is there any chance you could have gotten pregnant from being with him? STDs I mean I can't see a vile person like him using a condom responsibly.

Was your previous relationship abusive? Parents?

Others have posted a link to the freedom programme. That will help you a lot.

Consider going back to uni again. It can be a life changing experience for the better.

Flowers
billybear · 10/11/2023 17:45

maybe think about doing a check with the police under is it clares law he sounds dodgy,avoid,be carefull

egowise · 10/11/2023 17:43

Why are you apologising!?
Run

SiobhanSharpe · 10/11/2023 17:37

He's clearly a wrong'un nasty plus thick is not a great combo in a boyfriend while you're clearly ignoring everyone who's telling you exactly that.

317818we · 10/11/2023 17:37

This is the only thing you need to know from the whole of that post to conclude you should NEVER have any contact with this man again.

He was telling me I had best be back home for 12 or he’s snapping my glasses ( sending me photos wearing them) I told him point blank I am not meeting him at all then and the next minute he sent me photo of my glasses snapped in half with the lenses out.

Controlling: check
Abusive: Check
Violent to property: Check
Unwarranted and disproportionate response to you saying no: Check.

Tombero · 10/11/2023 17:34

OP you sound ever so vulnerable.

I’d like to gently suggest you go back to your GP and try to explain the depths of your feelings. Maybe write it down in case you can’t talk. You really do need some help and there is a much happier life out there for you than the one you are currently living.

And well done for blocking him, he sounds horrific.

But, you need to be brave and ask for some support around your mental health.

Ellie1015 · 10/11/2023 17:25

He is vile. You have nothing to apologise for please block all contact nobody deserves to be treated like that.

  1. he cheated on girlfriend lying to you
  2. he shared details of your sex life with friends
  3. demanded to meet up threatening to break your glasses
  4. actually broke your glasses
  5. somehow made you feel you should apologise blocked you everywhere only got back in touch to ask for money
  6. why doesnt he have friends/family to borrow from why ask someone he dated, argued with and then blocked.

Sorry to hear you are lonely, that must be really tough. I would try and take up a hobby doing something that interests you and hopefully make some nice friends.

You are 23, there is plenty of time to get back into uni or training of some kind, have a good think what you would like to do and then start making a plan to get into that line of work.

Please stay away from this awful man.

Swipe left for the next trending thread