I need help I can't do this anymore

My train of thoughts fine your taking it out of context to suit your narrative.

@FormerlyPathologicallyHappy
So if she hadn't got cancer, and just didn't fancy sex as often, would it have been her fault? I realise this isn't what you meant, but your train of thought is a bit off. We are NOT obligated to have sex with them - regardless of our state of health. Men who leave because they aren't getting enough sex are scum because, chances are the reason they aren't getting enough sex is them. Not us!!!!

Did you try to arrange the counselling OP? 🌸x

Exactly the words that went through my head when I read the OP, @overthinkersanonnymus .

He is a selfish shit, OP. You, on the other hand, are a fighter - you've proved that already. Once you're over the shock of this appalling betrayal, you will find the strength to heal and rebuild your life.

My heart really goes out to you, but remember: this too will pass. Get support from anywhere and everywhere you can. Don't worry about what your colleagues will think, the ones that are decent will realise that him and his bit on the side have behaved appallingly and focus on being the best you possibly can. Hold your head high, even if you have to fake it initially. Lean on those who love you and respect you and who have your best interests at heart.

He is an unspeakable, dishonourable, callous piece of shit and you are better off without him.

You hold your head high at work no-one will be thinking any less of you. All the shame/guilt is on him. The OW should also be ashamed (what kind of woman opens her legs in those circumstances) Disgusting behaviour by both them - You have the moral high ground here you are the decent person & believe me everyone in your work place will know this. I hope the "leg-openers" boyfriend also shows her the door. Stay strong for your little girl she needs you & can never rely on that piece of filth called her father.

*I'm so mortified to go into work. The whole office is talking about it. Managers have pulled teams at work in to meetings to stop everyone from talking about it as this is my real life and this is what I'm dealing with.

How can I work there. My career I've worked so damn hard for. I feel like it's been taken from me.*

You hold your head high. It's horrible but you have nothing to be mortified for. They do, and everyone knows that they had an affair while you were fighting cancer, so will be judging them for it. The gossips will gossip unfortunately but it will die down soon, could you take next week off?

I mean no one you work with is going to say "well she got cancer and couldn't have sex as often so obviously it was her fault" are they?

Take some time off work to gather yourself and by the time you’re ready to go back it won’t be such new news to all and won’t be a hot topic. Work can use the time to be really clear gossip about it won’t be tolerated and when you go back you can do it with your head held high

I can tell you're strong even if you don't feel it now.

You have your beautiful daughter.

Please lean on ALL your trusted family and friends. They will be there for you if you take the steps to reach out.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's appalling and shocking. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of and no reason to ask what you did that made you not good enough. HE has acted shamefully. HE has shown he is not good enough. Everyone at his work who knew will have judged HIM as the heartless, selfish, horrible little scrap of pond scum he is. They will have compassion for you, as everyone here does, and as you go on to build a new and better life without him, everyone around you will respect and admire you, even more, too.

Regarding work, if you have a manager you can trust and open up to, speak to them. Make a plan together for how you can have the best experience there possible. Make sure they have your back - it sounds like they already do. Ask for whatever you want and need. People love to gossip out of boredom, but most people are fundamentally kind.

Life threatening illnesses can make people react in ways they may not do normally. This is absolutely not an excuse but maybe that's one of the reasons it happened if it was out of character. Maybe he couldn't cope with the thought of being alone ?

You are absolutely right in getting him to leave

Not only carried it on when the op was critically sick, but involved their fucking daughter, AND THEN had the audacity to blame the op for his actions!! He doesn’t give a shiny shite about you op. What an absolute piece of shit!

He is lower than scum.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I promise you it will get easier. You will thrive.

You are more than enough, so much more.

You are the hero in this story. He is a scumbag who let you down repeatedly when you needed him the most. You have survived this horrendous time you will certainly survive his betrayal. Reach out to family or friends you can trust for the love and support you deserve.

OP you go in there with your head held high. You have done NOTHING wrong. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

Work colleagues talk. Fact if life. But I bet my last pound that they are talking about what a fucking scumbag he is and how he could possibly do that to you. They will want to support you but probably won't know how or whether to even approach you (as you said you don't have close friendships at work). It's up to you how much you show them your hurt and if you accept any support.

The first day will be monumentally shit. Could you go in for just a few hours maybe? Get it over and done with?

Your cheating wankstain husband will be the one everyone whispers about, and will have to face the reality of what he has done.

He made his bed. He can bloody well lie in it.

You are free. The world is yours my love. Straighten that crown and do it for your precious daughter. Show her what a strong woman is (and fake it until you feel it for real).

@Crazycrazylady

Your post was spot on .

Trust me you can go back to work because anybody with a shred of decency will be on your side and be supportive. It must have been awkward for them knowing what was going on and how could they tell you when you were so ill . They think your partner is a scum bag , Hopefully him and this woman will move on before you go back

OP you are enough. You are more than enough. This is one of the worst posts I’ve read on here.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Take things step by step, hour by hour and please be kind to yourself.

Don’t forget legal bills can be paid out of house sales, we did this when dh split with his ex. He paid £100 upfront and then signed to say he’d pay out of the house sale which they were fine with because the conveyancing solicitors pay them first.

You can get a share of his pension pot which is what they really panic about, it’s cheaper to get your wife to take you back than divorce.

Dhs colleague agreed to his dw having all the house in exchange for leaving his pension alone.

It happens a lot, I’ve had patients with strokes in nursing homes whose dh visit with their new gf in tow more than once.

He’s defective. He’s not long term partner material. He’s not going to kill himself they never do they just want everything to stay the same so they can crack on with a home life and an affair.

Unfortunately it’s known in healthcare that if a man gets cancer the wife will stay and care for them but if a woman gets cancer the man will leave or cheat.

Put a claim for child maintenance, change the council tax bill to single occupancy and go from there. You can see your dr to get signed off with stress they’re quite used to it. You can’t be expected to carry on like nothings happened.

Don’t take him back for him to wait for another woman with a house paid off to come along because I’ve seen that happen 3 times to women whose dh cheated and they forgave time and time again and then one day they found themselves left for another woman with a house all paid off.

Op
I'm so sorry for theta you're going through but you need to remember that at work yea it will be discussed for a while but

1. the discussion will all be around what an absolute bell end he is
2. it will also be around what a bitch she is to do that to her boyfriend and her sick colleague You are totally blameless in all this 3 like all gossip it will soon die down and be replaced by some other bit of news. That's just how work places are.

You're right op. You can never never take him back. A man who can do that to his seriously Ill wife is a man without redemption .

i’m so sorry you’re going through this. 💐💐

OP you can get through this, you've already been through worse.

Work, those people will all be in your side, walk in with dignity.

It's an unforgivable betrayal. Once you are through the shock you need to get ahead of the separation agreement and focus the conversation away from your relationship with him.

Every time he pleads you say it's over how are we going to co-parent.

Get IRL support from close friends/family.

I'm so sorry, what an piece of work he his.

Of course at the end of my post it should say people who AREN'T cunts will be on your side.

Why do smart phones always make the typo that actually fundamentally changes a point to the opposite of what we mean?! Aargh! All worked up because of OPs hideous ex!