partner won't commit due to finances

He lying to you.

He doesn’t want to marry you or have children with you.

Get rid and find someone who wants a family and a future with you.

He's mid 30s and still thinking ! He doesn't want to get married. You are an affluent flat mate and good for the time being but nothing beyond that. I'd think carefully about what is important to you.

My heart sank when you said he lacks motivation to make applications 🙄

Don’t waste the best years of your life waiting for a man to decide your future. Find someone who wants marriage and children with you. He doesn’t want that - he is making excuses and trying to keep you on the hook with false promises. Many people never “sort” their lives out - they just live it.

Sounds like my brother. He was with his ex for over 10 years. She kept bringing up having kids and he would tell her "not just yet, need to sort xyz first". But then he wouldn't do anything to actually sort xyz. She would bring it up with me now and again and I would basically tell her she needed leave and find someone else.

She finally left him when she was 35. She met someone else a few months later, moved in, was pregnant at 36 and gave birth just before she turned 37.

He wasn't particularly bothered when she first left, but then suddenly had a bee in his bonnet when he found out she'd met someone else. He complained that she wasn't willing to wait a bit longer for him to be ready to have kids. I really don't think some men get it. I guess he probably just thinks he can carry on until his 40s/50s and then find some poor younger woman to have kids with.

Don't waste your any more of your fertile years on him.

I feel for you but in your position I would have been clearer from the very beginning, not waiting a year between conversations about something so important to you.
My now DH and I were discussing that marriage and children were something we wanted within 6 months of being together. I am older than him and told him that I needed to do these things within a certain timeline (which worked for him because he didn't want to wait too long anyway!). We got engaged after 18 months together while he was working a minimum wage job which he absolutely loved. We discussed that he needed to find a better paying before we could get married and have kids, he knew and agreed and found a job within 2 months.
We then got married and now have a baby on the way.

Basically, people (men) will do things if they want to. This guy doesn't seem to actually want to do the thing.

I understand his worries given that he’s only earning minimum wage and you’re renting. I don’t think he’s lying to you, he’s probably happy to just plod along with his head in the sand.

You need to make it clear to him again that it’s marriage and a baby or the relationship is over. That should be all the motivation he needs. If he’s still kicking it down the road, I would end it while you still have time on your side

Agree with pp. you don't have time on your side and he does. At your ages, and after a few years you either know or you don't.

Leave and find someone else. He may never be ready and you don’t have the time to wait. There’s rarely a “good” time to have a baby; we could have waited to be in a better financial situation but I did not want to and knew we could manage without getting into debt even if it was a bit tight

Does he have an updated CV?
Has he applied for any jobs in the last month?

If the answer to those questions is no, what does he say if you point that out?
A better paid job for him isn’t going to fall from the sky.

I’d have the conversation that if the barrier in his mind is a better paid job and if he isn’t actively seeking one, then he doesn’t mean what he says about wanting marriage, because if that was the only barrier to something he really wanted he would do something about it.

Os he actually doing anything about getting a creative job. I work in the arts, nobody is paid very much at all. It’s something we just have to accept.
Realistically what job does he want? What on average, dies it pay? And how would he make it happen?
Because trundling along and hoping it will fall into his lap one day is not going to happen.
I have had to hustle hustle hustle. And I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m on the tight track.
He is stringing your wants and his dreams along.

People do what works for them. So, your partner might talk about ‘sorting his life’ but the reason he’s then done precisely fuck all to change anything is because the set up he has now, is working for him.
You are being future faked, OP. Cut and run before he’s burned through all your fertile years.

What they said. He’s a coaster. You’re not.

In my opinion if a man’s serious about marrying you, he’ll discuss it seriously within a year and you’ll be married by two. Don’t waste your time with him.

Bear in mind that that if he is min wage and you do have a baby he could easily end up as a SAHD by default and then if you eventually split up he could end up as the resident parent.

Find someone who wants to commit to you.

He's future faking. If he wanted to he would.

Friend of mine was in a similar situation with her partner and he said "ok let's go for it, we can manage". They got engaged, married at registry within 6 months, and started trying for a baby - while he was still on min wage. He worked his arse off trawling for jobs, and landed a decent one the day after they announced they were 12 weeks.

She's just had her little boy 3 months ago, and if anything dad's glowing more than her! When they want it they'll move the earth for it. When they don't... They'll tell you they want everything to be "perfect" first and then hope your eggs run out before their excuses.

Please don’t have a baby with this person who clearly isn’t bothered about you. You’ll find someone better I’m sure, who is proactive and puts your feelings and needs first.

But he's doing nothing about that, is he?

Actions speak louder than words.

Please @artattack1 leave now, while you can. Run!!

I'm 42 pregnant with my first baby (by a miracle) because of this exact same situation, he wasted years and years of my life, married another girl 6 months after we broke up. I wish I had someone to tell me to get out while I could.

If a man wants to marry you and settle with you he will just do it, no need to cajole him or ultimatum him. Sorry 💖

He can sort his life out while married and having children as that is the reality for the vast majority of people.

It isn’t really on him alone to have the income to support children- what is your income like? Any reason why you cannot return to full time work shortly after childbirth?

He is either making excuses to mask his commitment phobia or he is genuinely a worry wart. See what you can do to address his worries. If he keeps coming up with new worries, then he is afraid of marriage and raising children.

I think he’s making excuses and you don’t have time to wait around for the “perfect” time. It’s now or never. Ultimatum time. Either you set a date for a small wedding within 3-6 months and TTC immediately afterwards, or it’s over now and look for someone else who is serious about marriage and kids. Time is short fertility wise. Don’t waste any more with this guy.

He already has the situation he wants right now: you living with him, without him having to commit. So of course he won't want to change anything. He is stringing you along.

If he's the same age as you he's had plenty of years to find a job that suits/pays more than minimum wage. If he doesn't have motivation and ambition by now he never will! I think you'd have a life of frustration ahead with or without kids