Feeling isolated by work colleagues

So they said directly to you 'Oh you aren't invited'? What did you say then to them - did you not ask why?

You haven’t been invited and not included, so if you went to your manager/HR and complained, what do you want to happen? An invite? Sod that. I wouldn’t want to go out with people who clearly didn’t want me there.

Also you say you have been there 20 years. Are you the same age? Or are they all in their early twenties? And yes this does make a difference. Are you settled in a relationship with children? And these are all single? Again it will make a difference to those going out- maybe they thought you wouldn’t go?

But ultimately what do you want to achieve? I personally go to work, get my work done and go home. I’ve only twice been out with a team I’ve worked with in 20+ years and that was twice to many! 😂

I used to work in a large group of extremely friendly people until some new ones started who have a very different way of looking at things and have made it very clucky. Ignorance unfortunately.
If I aas the boss I would not allow it.

Its actually ridiculous "bullying" 😂😂

The fact they want to go to HR to report people's social life is probably the answer to why they don't get invited out.. People don't like the class snitch!!

OP i assume you are all adults and not 7 year olds?!?

Are most of them younger than you?

Over the past couple of years we have had an influx of new starters in their 20s who go out at the weekends. I really wouldn't expect to be invited.

As long as everyone works together as a team in working hours that's all you can ask for.

If she’s not careful about how she handles things she could make things more difficult. Can you imagine getting called in by your boss or receiving an email telling you that you can’t discuss your social plans during working hours? What happens when you’re on your lunch break because you’re not on the clock then. I really don’t know what the OP is trying to achieve. Just go to work, do your job well and go home.

Just because your colleagues have social groups and outings that doesn’t involve you doesn’t mean they “dislike” you, that is dramatic. I wouldn’t necessarily call it bullying either, considering they’re literally just chatting about their weekend plans and you’re in ear range.

I mean, what exactly do you want? Do you want them to invite you? For them to know that you know? To shut them up discussing it? If you’re upset over not being invited then that is extreme entitlement in my opinion and tattling to your manager feels even more questionable. No one is obligated to involve you, and then having to not talk about it around you to be frank, is just laughable. You’re an adult.

Thank you for saving me from myself

I don't think it's so much the actual socialising that's the problem - as you say, you can't tell people who they can and can't have a drink with in their own time. But I think gleefully making plans for group outings, while in the office, in front of the one person who isn't invited, is actively making a point of letting someone know they've been deliberately excluded, and would certainly not meet the standards of professional behaviour towards colleagues that a lot of workplaces (including mine) would expect. There are groups of colleagues in my office who are mates outside work, but it's small groups here and there - they're not organising drinks and meals for everyone except one person, and then rubbing that person's nose in it.

Are you older than them? It could be that. They sound a bit mean not inviting you but I wouldn't class it as bullying. I've been at my job 10 years and I think some people socialise without me. I'm glad as I don't want to spend the rare time I have off work with my colleagues. Just be polite and leave it at that

Yeah, because when someone's feeling really upset because they're being excluded and bullied, correcting a minor spelling mistake is really going to make them feel better, isn't it?

I mean, I'm sure you come in your pants every time you have a chance to correct someone in public, but maybe just give it a rest for a bit.

Yes I’m afraid I agree. This is clearly bullying, but if the company don’t appear keen to tackle it you don’t really have anywhere to go with this (procedure wise, you’d need to raise a grievance, which is quite likely
to be not upheld, which means you’re left with resigning and claiming constructive dismissal - notoriously difficult to win).

I work in HR and if I hear of this sort of thing in my organisation I want to know about it - but
unfortunately I think I’m in the minority. Which is odd, when you think about it.

Organise your own thing, inviting only your fellow old guard who've been ignoring the invitation. Then make sure you talk about all the fun you had

Is there a big age difference? Just wondering if they are a youngish bunch of newbies who enjoy going out together and haven’t invited you if you’re from a different generation?
I suspect there is no malice involved, but they need to be reminded about tact and consideration

I had this when I started my current job. The manager was as bad as the rest of them! Because I’m part time and work from home a couple of days , she would organise team building lunches out at nice restaurants for the days I was working at home deliberately so that there would be someone to cover phones while they were out stuffing their faces. I kicked off big time as I started feeling more and more excluded and she eventually copped on and stopped but the exclusion from other staff continued. Considering leaving now because I feel left out of any conversations.
so my advice would be to look for something else

Completely agree, just bring a book or a newspaper in for breaks, then it doesn't matter you are being left out, you can escape by reading.

They sound really unpleasant and I wouldn’t want to socialise with them. They shouldn’t feel obliged to invite you, but also shouldn’t be discussing it in work time. It would be different if it was chatting about a company-wide event.

You said in your OP that you told your manager, what did he/she say about it?