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Original poster

First dance

32 replies

Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 10:33

This isn’t me it’s more DH we married 15 years ago, during our first dance BIL and his fiancé joined us uninvited on the dance floor. DH brings it up and feels it was bad manners other family members said how nice it was of them to join in. Who’s right?

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Tempnamechng · 06/11/2023 12:26

I always thought that the first dance was a way for the bride and groom to start the dancing at the reception, and couples are then to join them at the second verse, usually other members of the wedding party. More often than not other couples won't join, as its a bit of a photo op. More recently its become a bit of a moment, and I've even seem some couple do rehersed showcase dances (a bit ott for my taste).
Is he related to me op, my family are spectacular at holding grudges too.

Needmorelego · 06/11/2023 11:40

I had never even heard of a "first dance" at a wedding until a few years ago after reading about it on places like Mumsnet.
I have to say if I had been at a wedding 15 years ago I wouldn't have known the etiquette about it and that I was meant to wait.
(but tbh I would have been hiding behind a wall so I wouldn't have to dance....)
15 years though......he really needs to get over it 🤣

Twentypastfour · 06/11/2023 11:37

Like two couples (you two and BIL) got up to dance at the same time.. or he joined in after a while? - a few seconds or longer?

We didn’t do a first dance or any dancing but I’ve noticed that the parents of the bride normally join in after a short while.

TheJubileePortrait · 06/11/2023 11:37

I’m with DH. It was very rude of them.

You don’t join until you’ve been invited.

TheresaCrowd · 06/11/2023 11:35

Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 11:06

The latter. BIL got married just over a year later and told DH he could join him and his new wife on the dance floor if he wished. DH wasn’t having it ( he just nodded at BIL but we never joined them) and I was obviously talking to someone else at that time as I wasn’t privy to it.

Edited

That's a shame

You two could've piled in and done the Macarena 😁

Apossum · 06/11/2023 11:34

It’s pretty pathetic that your husband is still stewing over this 15 years later, who cares?!
Whether I’d be annoyed at the time would depend rather on when they joined you. At the start would be poor manners but halfway through is very standard. I think couples joining the newlyweds on the dancefloor about halfway through the first dance has been the case at every single wedding I’ve been to..

Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 11:15

Yes look at it as a positive just wanting to celebrate with us. It’s not as if DH or me are dancers or performers. I’d rather dance in a crowd for fun and DH isn’t a big dancer at parties. I guess DH saw it as our special moment and someone intruded on it. The dance was lovely but I didn’t look
at the guests as had I have done I’d have felt very shy. If we’re both honest once we were joined by everyone for the rest of the disco we could relax more.

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travelallthetime · 06/11/2023 11:15

eurgh, I was actively trying to get people to join us for the first dance. Only did it for 'tradition'. No bugger got up, hideous being watched for a full song shuffling around on the dance floor

Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 11:11

He just said to DH at his wedding that he could join him and his DW for their first dance

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Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 11:09

Only that at his wedding DH could do the same

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Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 11:06

The latter. BIL got married just over a year later and told DH he could join him and his new wife on the dance floor if he wished. DH wasn’t having it ( he just nodded at BIL but we never joined them) and I was obviously talking to someone else at that time as I wasn’t privy to it.

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TheresaCrowd · 06/11/2023 10:55

What has your BIL said about it?

Has your DH said anything to him, or just spent the last 15 years silently seething? 😬🤣

Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 10:54

It was just a shuffle, we really aren’t Strictly Show dance people. It was a standard wedding disco

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Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 10:52

In my opnion it would have been nice to have the first dance to ourselves but because the day went pretty much perfectly no major hiccups I haven’t really thought about it. Everyone is different and everyone will have a different view on things

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Laiste · 06/11/2023 10:51

One of my mates had the first dance with her dad!

It was weird and sweet at the same time 😂

The dad (cheerfully) swapped with the new husband half way through. So it was quite symbolic i guess.

TheFlis · 06/11/2023 10:51

It’s polite to wait for either the couple or DJ / master of ceremonies to invite people to join. I would never just assume they were happy for everyone to get involved.

Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 10:48

🤣yes that wouldn’t be good.

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Original poster
Unintentionallycausingoffence · 06/11/2023 10:47

Your’e right it most certainly didn’t ruin our day

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HoppingPavlova · 06/11/2023 10:45

15 years later🤣

Hard to say without being there. Unless you are ballroom dancers or something it’s utterly painful watching a couple stumbling about on the dance floor, which is why it is usually 90sec tops before others need to go join in to stop the hideous spectacle. Although, I have seen some people who have practiced ‘a number’ like they are in a competition and some have been great and everyone has happily watched the whole thing. Others, just sad and painful and the thought, ‘why’ is sitting there on everyone’s minds yet no one is game to stop the travesty as it’s obviously ‘a number’ rather than just stumbling steps in a circle or back and forth like standard.

Autiebibliophile · 06/11/2023 10:45

Every wedding I have been to, (bar one which was a choreographed routine 🙄, ) people have got up after the first verse. Typically starting with close family members

PersephonePomegranate23 · 06/11/2023 10:44

As PPs have ready said, people don't normally wait for the whole of the first song to be over to join in the dancing.

I find first dances utterly cringeworthy, anyway.

TheresaCrowd · 06/11/2023 10:44

Most weddings I've been to, other couples only join when the DJ/compere invites them.

We told our DJ to invite them after about the first verse, because I'd rather dig my own eyeballs out than dance with everyone watching us.

Chickychoccyegg · 06/11/2023 10:42

It was rude of them, but don't know if I'd still be bothered 15 years later...maybe I would 😂

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/11/2023 10:40

Coffeerum · 06/11/2023 10:37

I thought it was normal for people to join the couple? Any wedding I've been to the couple are on their own for about a minute and then close family, bridal party, friends etc are roped in to join.

Either way 15 years is a really long time to hold bitterness over something like this.

This has been my experience, guests join the couple after a verse of a track. I’ve never been to a wedding where all of the guests just had to sit by and watch the bride and groom dance to slow music for the entirety of a track or more. That sounds pretty cringeworthy for all.

Regardless, your DH needs to let it go. I imagine either BIL and SIL didn’t know they weren’t supposed to join, or they were excited to get the party started. It really isn’t a big deal.

Laiste · 06/11/2023 10:39

This thread is going to run and run.

Thing is, OP has said the other couple joined in before any inviting or roping in or encouraging to join in went on from the wedding couple.