Am I unreasonable?

Again

It doesn't have to be "too much to drink"

Some people won't even have one drink before driving.

I think you were being considerate getting the bus! Your partner didn't have to trot out in the end, wtf is his problem.

If he can't go one evening without having too much to drink he has a bit of a problem.

Exactly. The fact she was waiting until out showed very much a “drop everything and come now” attitude until she found a better option!

Exactly. If she'd text when ordering dessert (for example) to say she'd be leaving in 45 minutes, her DP would have just collected her as planned and none of this would have happened.

Nah YANBU.
If I was helping someone and they did something that saved me going out for a 50 mins round trip, I'd say thanks.

Sounds like he resented the fact he was picking you up ie not drinking / having a bath and that's now just projecting out due to the plan change.

at a guess its being able to do the evening plans different than they could have due to the lift commitments

YABU to have planned for your partner to come out and pick you up if there's a perfectly good bus! Unnecessary car journey and a waste of his evening whether he ended up doing it or not.

The issue is the bus never SHOULD have mattered because she should have text before leaving the restaurant

I don't understand why you didn't just end the evening in time to get the bus home. I understand they are infrequent but you did actually catch one so it's obviously possible.

If you made a habit of doing this I'd understand his annoyance but as a one off, no he's making too much of it. I'm taken aback by some of the replies, when I've seen loads of posts on here where DH/DPs who go out ask for a lift home then get drunk, don't answer their phone and get home next morning, yet the posters are told they're being controlling if they complain.

If I were him I wouldn't even offer now I know the bus is an option

100% agree with this! It’s literally one night

I don't understand those saying yabu. The alternative post would be:

'I was trying to get home last night and came across a convenient bus. Instead of getting on it, I decided to let it drive past me and call my partner to drive a 50 minute round trip to come and get me instead'.

He is being ridiculous and if he didn't want to do it he shouldn't have offered. It's a valid point to say it's hard to relax but not at all relevant to the point of this actual post so I don't know why people are saying that.

Communication isn't great though and I think that's partly on you. It's a long drive when there appears to be an adequate bus service, so in all honesty I don't know why you both agreed on this. And also I'd expect an approximate time and an update near the end of the evening etc. I feel like the whole scenario was less than ideal for either of you and could have been better planned out.

I think you can be happy you weren't needed but also annoyed that you wasted your evening waiting around for nothing.

I disagree that she didn't do it on purpose too - it may not have been planned but she knew her partner was waiting for her to finish so she could have messaged from the restaurant to say she needed a lift in half an hour.

As it is, she left her friend but still hadn't arranged her lift home

I don't think it shows a lack of respect for him or his time, if anything else it shows respect for him and not making him come out when you saw an alternative that meant he didn't have to come out. Nothing stopping him having a beer with the hour she's saved him, he could have had a bath earlier, not to mention petrol etc.

This

Wild isn't it. MNers sometimes baffle the hell out of me.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. There is nothing wrong with what you done. Unfortunate that he waited around and it was for nothing, but you simply jumped a bus to save him the hassle as the bus was right there and saved him a round trip. You thought of him in that moment, not you. How did it benefit you? It didn't, it benefited him not having to do the round trip.

If my DH was in a mood over that I'd be blown away. He would be grateful he never had to do the trip in the end! So would I. So would anyone I know. I dont know a soul who would be uptight over this situation.

I don't think it does, I wouldn't be able to fully relax, but it's one evening I've agreed to pick someone up, so I've factored that in. They then didn't need me just by luck, which means I didn't have to go out. I'd still be happy. She didn't do it on purpose. Maybe she didn't want to wait for half an hour for a bus, and then it would be cancelled, or she may feel unsafe. I know my partner would rather he collect me than me having to wait for a bus at night.

Again, I think it comes down to how easy people find it to relax knowing they have an appointment or "job" to do in a few hours.

Some people don't care that they'll have to go out again in an hour so are happy to run a bath or settle down with a boxset, whereas others don't want to get in the bath or get changed for bed knowing they'll probably get interrupted in half an hours' time.

If you're the former, it doesn't matter that you're no longer needed because you're relaxed anyway, but if you're the latter, you feel like you've wasted your evening waiting around for nothing.

I suspect neither side will ever understand the other.

But that's neither here nor there. He was willing to give her a lift, and she then thought she'd make life easier by just jumping on the bus. She may have felt unsafe standing round for however long in the cold waiting for the bus, but as it literally passed her while there, she jumped on it. This is mental. My partner would be happy in this circumstance. I saved him coming out. I don't understand why people think she should have missed the bus purposely and inconvenience her partner even more!

Same. I’d see it as an unexpected bonus that I didn’t have to go out in the cold when I’d been expecting to! I think not getting the bus when it was right there and calling for a lift would have been more disrespectful of the partner’s time.

It does sound as though there are bigger issues in the relationship though.

But if that's the case, presumably you would have told your partner to get the bus in the first place rather than offering a lift?

@margotrose I'd have been annoyed if iI'd gone out to pick up your partner only for them to tell me that they could have got the bus but didn't 🤷🏼‍♀️