Inheritance/Wills/Step families

I actually think that he is in a more difficult position than you are to be honest. If he died then unless he has proper provision in place there is a risk for him that you would get everything and then decide to cut out his children completely in your own will at a later date. I suspect it is more complicated than this (I'm no expert) but the gist of it can happen as I've seen it.

I know you won't do this, plus he is putting things in place, I'm just making the point that his situation is actually more precarious than yours.

You could get your Mum's opinion if you wanted to....

This

I would also give to my nieces and nephews and cousins rather than DSC, as you’re not close. Sounds like DSC will be sorted.

Surely your mum can see that you have no children and that anything she leaves you is likely to end up going to your dh or dsc? So if she wants to prevent that and leave more to other family members, she can do that in her own will can’t she?

other than that, I am a bit confused as to why you would prefer to leave money to charity than your husband’s children.

So if your DH does his half of the house goes straight to his kids so you'd have to move out your home immediately. He could leave you a life time interest so you can continue to live there and his kids inherit after you die. If you want to leave a portion of your inheritance to DC in your family you can do that. Just make a will. Maybe leave half to your DH and half to DC in your family.

@CountryBumpkin02 good to see you are planning to get the wills drawn up and you will be properly provided for. Your OP sounded like your DH was planning to will all his assets directly to his DC without providing for you. I've seen this happen several times with second marriages and the surviving spouse was left in a very precarious position.

That said, you need to get on with it as until then you are subject to insolvency rules which might not work out well for you and creates more expense in sorting out probate.

I'd just spend it to be honest! Can't take it with you can you? Enjoy the rest of your life!

My dad is a wealthy man, and he's in his 60s now. He's already told my brother and I he wants to spend as much as possible before he dies- and fair play! He's worked bloody hard for it.

I think it's important to revisit your will every five years. Families change. My kids inherit our estate equally, but bearing in mind we all travel together often in an aeroplane, there's a chance we could be wiped out as a family at the same time. If That happened, there are instructions in my will as to whom I would like my money to go to. This changes from time to time, e.g. friends, distant relatives etc.

We have a trust will due to it being a second marriage with kids involved. We own the house as tenants in common (i think that’s the term) When the first of us passes, the other has a life time interest in the house. I’m leaving my half and all savings to my son. DH is leaving his half and all savings to his kids. His kids treat me with contempt so I don’t want them having any of my money. You can do something similar I presume, but replace the kids with nieces/nephews/friends/charities.

Definitely see your point. You need to make a will

Sounds like you both need to think about wills. I agree with pp, you can't take it with you, you have no direct descendants to worry about. Why not aim to spend most of it? Tuck some away for unexpected expenses.

I have step kids and joint kids so slightly different.

I'm clear that anything I inherit from my parents will go to my children only and not my step-children. That's what my parents would want.

It's more complicated in your situation if you don't have anyone blindingly obvious to leave it to but I still think its fine to say you want to leave at least a share of your parents' money to people or charities that you choose or they would have chosen.

Put a half or a third into your joint pot to spend with your husband in your lifetime and be clear that the rest should go elsewhere. If you don't need it then pass it on when you're still alive.

I think I will put anything I inherit from my parents directly into my children's names so it won't really feature in our joint assets when we're both gone.

I know it sounds harsh but my step kids will inherit from both their parents, they don't need my parents money also. It would be different if they had built a close relationship over the years but they haven't.

So your DHs been the main breadwinner and generous with his parents inhertiance to you as a couple but you are not happy for your inhertiance to be use in similar context. Seems very one sided. Surely you have benefited from his inheritance, wouldn't be nice for his children your step children to have similar benefits. Just seems mean.

Nowhere does OP say everything goes to her if DH dies before her. In fact her OP strongly suggests all his properties including his half of their home goes directly to his DC, meaning her home will be sold to give DC their half and she is left homeless.

This would seem to be a much bigger problem than what happens to her money after she dies!

You say that your DH had left his rental properties and his share of your marital home to his children.

So unless he has left you a life interest in the marital home you will be left homeless when your home is sold to give his children their share. I presume you have willed your share to him so he would be fine in the event of your death.

If that is the case you need to invest your inheritance in a property in your sole name so you have somewhere to live if he dies first.

This is much more pressing than worrying about who gets your inheritance when you are dead.

How do you feel about the fact that your DH has made no provision for you to be housed in the event of his death. Has he left you anything or does it all go to his DC?

A separate bank account wouldn't make any difference, surely? Your DH would inherit your estate, including that, unless you put someone else on with you as a shared account.

Never mind if he dies. What about if he divorces you once you've inherited and the money is in the family pot?

Why not give it (or some of it) away now, while you're alive? No one can contest that.

Would you wish for your parents inheritance to pass to your DH adult children from another marriage? I don't mean that passive aggressively, a genuine question, as I'm unsure.

Yes, I wouldn't see that as an issue. I'd see it as being left to me to do as I please, I then leave it to my husband to do as he pleases.

If I didn't have much of a relationship with the step children, and I outlived my husband, then I'd redo the will and wouldn't leave the whole lot to them. But as a general point I wouldn't have an issue with my parents' money (which would then be my money) going to them.

It seems that his adult children will be well taken care of in his death through his assets.

given what you’ve written here I’d sit down with your husband and explain what you want to happen with your inheritance in the event of your death. Open a bank account so it’s kept separate. None of this is unreasonable but you do need to talk about it.

what does his will say re asserts should he die before you? Does it all get left to you or does it go to his children?

I can’t see the logic of not wanting the money to go to “unrelated strangers” and then leaving it to charity. It makes no sense to me. Our money, which includes my entire inheritance, is being left equally between his three kids and my one because that’s the fair way of doing it.

So just write a will? 🤷‍♀️. What exactly is the problem here.