Silent - aibu

DP and DS are like this - both ND, (what used to be called Aspergers)
I'm used to it. They have other qualities.

And incessant chatting is very annoying I have a neighbour who does this - constantly questions me - especially when I've just got in from work and she catches me parking the car. How are you? How's work? How's DS? How's DD? I saw the garden was looking a bit XXX - do you want me to pop over on Saturday and help you cut back those bushes? How's your bad knee?? AAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

I've learned now that that is how my DS and DP feel if I chat to them too much.

He either isn't interested in what you have to say or he is incredibly bland.

So you were asking him questions about him. Has he ever, for the duration of your relationship, asked any questions about or shown interest on you?

Honestly, if I was with someone who absolutely, for whatever reason(s), didn't want to have conversations with me, that would totally make me leave.

To be fair these are all awfully boring lines of questioning with little potential for a fulfilling conversation. Maybe he’s just smart enough to know when not to waffle on about something not in his area of knowledge

Sounds very much like my ex, nothing to say and when we split I did not miss him as there was nothing to miss. We could go on an 8 hr car journey in silence. He was never a companion, do you have companionship in your husband?
In the very early days I found him too chatty as you do when you first meet telling each other everything about yourselves.
He was similar with his own family, he could keep up being hospitable for a while and then it was left u to me to entertain them.
I found my outlet for social companionship with family and friends.
It does sound as if he has lost interest in you, stopped making the effort, not interested in what you have to say which is diminishing for you.
However some people are quieter than others, don't feel the need to make small chat and there is nothing wrong with that.
However it is a problem when one partner does not feel listened to and heard, can you spend the rest of your life in a marriage like this?

I'm not sure I understand how you got together, but okay, let's stick with it.

If he's not interested in current affairs, then sure, abandon that topic perhaps.

I'd be pretty bloody upset if DH didn't want to know and understand about a medical issue I was facing. I don't care if he is bored out of his mind by medical stuff, I'm his wife and I'm facing stuff. Ditto, we have previously argued when he doesn't want to discuss the decision making for something to do with the kids. But that has improved because I pointed out on more than one occasion that it's not like the fact that he doesn't want to think about it means it just goes away and who does he think he is to just pick the bits of parenting he likes and ignore the rest.

At a bigger level, if you have nothing in common anymore, then that is an issue. DH and I talk about politics, racism/sexism, social issues etc. these are all things we are both interested in. We talk a little less about current events because I am a wuss who gets upset if I spend too much time thinking about wars et c- but I do force myself to stay on top of the key themes, I just don't want to debate it at length - and I'm not really interested in music so that's something we don't talk much about. I'm also not particularly interested in sports, but he is, so we chat about that sometimes because I love to see how excited he gets about all sports and how much he loves to see brilliant people doing brilliant things. He is bored senseless by food and cooking but will indulge me because he knows I am interested in those things.

ok so he’s not into chat, and it’s ok for him not to be interested in the Middle East etc. Rightly or wrongly my head is full of work stuff and I don’t want to learn or discuss or debate on my downtime like I used to before I was working and a Mum and permanently tired. I just want peace. So I can relate to your husband.

But I’d be concerned when you’re talking about your health and he’s dismissive. That’s a bigger problem.

Could he be autistic? It's very common for autistic people to only be interested in conversations which involves their special interests and to struggle if someone changes the topic. Autistic people also don't ask a lot of questions as they expect if someone wants them to know information they will volunteer it themselves. It might be helpful to take a look at Embrace Autism.

You don't sound very compatible.

Either meet in the middle and realise both are very different or ho separate ways.

There’s no question that this is horrible to live with and very isolating.

I would suggest trying less open general questions and more specific focal points within them - does he relate to others by using examples in his own life in (his extremely limited) conversations?

He definitely sounds ASD. There are books out there for partners of those with ASD which might help.

It sounds soul-destroyingly boring. He has zero curiosity in you or the world.

You either have to accept it and get all your emotional needs met elsewhere. Or leave.

My husbands family talk and talk, can't cope with quiet. Will find something to say for no reason. It's not needed all the time.

I sometimes feel DH isn’t interested in me but he has proven numerous times that he’s got my back so I think it’s just his personality. He is very stressed with work a lot and has no bandwidth but essentially, even when he’s relaxed, he’s not a chatter or a daydreamer like me. He wouldn’t gossip or try to unpick why someone is doing something etc. So I’ve other people in my life to have a laugh with and talk absolute bollox with. He is still my rock and the centre of my world but I can’t make him like one of my girlfriends. So I have to accept that.

Exactly

Are you the opposite amd very chatty. Conversation is a skill and many of us aren't taught it as children and we have to learn ourselves as we grow. I am baffled sometimes about how much others talk, the long convoluted stories about every day events. Why would someone think I'd need to know all of that. I am middle aged, still learning about how to converse when there isn't much to say. He might be just rude or not care but there may be other reasons.

He's doesn't sound like he's particularly interested in you or what you do. Do you facilitate what he does, prepare the way so he can just do his thing? Or does he share the load with the house, kids etc? I'm trying to work out what you are getting out of the relationship.

So what happens if something big happens? E.g. when someone in my family had a very unexpected heart attack, there was lots of chat- are you ok, where do you need to be, how is he, endless checking in on me by my partner.

I mean, I know that Mumsnet only gives us a snapshot of your life but this must be pretty lonely; no-one to share the burden with.

This is like me and my husband. He is neurodivergent and as the years have gone on it's like we speak different languages. Every interaction/conversation is baffling and misunderstood by one of us so we've all but given up speaking to each other. It's awful. He has a very technical job and speaks that work language fluently!

I'd hate this. I understand he might not know much about current affairs but showing a complete lack of interest in things like a medical issue you've got, or your kids is awful. It just shows a complete lack of care for you and your life.

It doesn't sound like he's interested in making conversation with you or in your opinions - has he always been like this?