Received a strange request in the post

Any therapists on here? Proper ones?

Would YOU suggest this!?

I think I would allow her into the house out of a kindness and to help with her own inner healing and mental health but I would, very very gently, ask her not to disclose any of the trauma to you or your family.

It would be quite mean to say no IMO.
Fair enough however to ask her not to go into details about what happened in the house considering you are now living there.

This is such a once in a life opportunity to help another human.

I'd feel uneasy but I'd do it. Especially because you know it's not a scam and she really did live there.

I don’t quite understand why you feel that her need to address her trauma is going to taint your house of life in any way?

This thread makes me sad for humanity.

I don't know whether I would or not until I was actually standing in those shoes.

I would definitely start by doing a bit of googling just in case the phrase "has thirteen previous convictions" or similar comes up - always be fully informed before you decide.

If you do go for it, ask her to bring photo ID, and get your DH to accompany her, not you, as you're having concerns about the possible emotional impact on you.

Wanting to look at a childhood home to help settle your emotions and perspective, it's not all that unusual. I spent a couple of days - having recently retired - looking around the town I grew up in - schools, homes, shops, parks, cemeteries etc - and yes I did look up photos of interiors of my old homes on Zoopla/RightMove etc!

It's a thoughtful letter.

I would probably let her visit.

If you are unsure maybe ask her for her therapist's number and ask how patients visiting former places helps them process trauma.

She is not tainting your house.

This!

It's a no from me too

Just bin the letter

Personally I'd be inclined to help on the condition therapist attended with her to support her through whatever her reaction may be.

I don't think this is odd. Unusual, but not odd.

It will have taken a lot for her to write that letter and she probably agonised over the wording. You have verified her identity and she is genuine. I would help her.

I feel really odd about it and almost distrustful. I also don't like the thought that she experienced trauma in our home, almost like she's trying to taint it.

I personally wouldn't want the hassle or have to deal with other people's pasts or problems.

( I do think someone with dementia turning up at door is very different - that's someone with a clear and immediate need for help with no capacity for other perhaps better options)

I've also sold a house my kids were growing up in and had some viewers make nasty comments about my kids rooms and stuff -and there was a clear benefit to us of selling the house there but people aren't always nice or consider impact of what they are saying.

I expect you'll be told to be kind (by many who wouldn't be themselves )and ignore your own misgivings but it's your house your place of comfort and safety and it's absolutely fine for you to prioritize that for you and your family over some random strangers wants.

Of course, I honestly can't see why you wouldn't. It means nothing to you and a lot to her.

Even if she wasn't going through therapy, I think its quite nice to allow someone look at their childhood home. I've often thought about mine, I'd love to have a look around. It wouldn't bother me in the least to have someone look at mine.

I wouldn't. If she is traumatised by the house what then? If she has a severe reaction to being back in the house what then? You are not a therapist, you don't know this lady or the state of her mental health. You have no idea how she will react to being back in a space that caused her so much trauma.

I'd write back empathising with her but stating that you do not feel comfortable facilitating this event.

There is an area that I find quite traumatic, even just driving past it.

I have not been back for years and there’s no way I’d go back to the house.

But after reading this, I can actually see how going back and not being affected by it would probably be really beneficial.
I’m not ready yet but I probably will do it when I am.

I would not even consider it. Life has moved on that house i imagine looks completely different from when she was there.

I met through FB a woman who lived 30yrs ago in the house I live in now, i sent her a couple of photos she said she didnt recognize any part of the house,only looking from the street photos but inside and the garden,all has changed.

Why are people suggesting meeting up etc that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Op throw the letter away and forget about it. Therapist needs to get on with their job not palming it off on to you.

I would politely refuse.
It is important to maintain boundaries. Your home is your safe place, for your family and friends.
I would wish her success in her therapy but state clearly that my family and I will not take part in it.

Absolutely not.

Firstly, no reputable therapist would suggest that she write to a complete stranger and ask to have a walk around their house, ad disclose that traumatic things had happened to her there.

Secondly, it’s naive to think that this would e one ten minute visit. Trauma takes years to unpick, this would just be one in a long line of requests and before you know it you’ll be part of her therapy journey, and you’re not in the least bit qualified.

You win the price for complete over-reaction

and an impressive way to twist things!

I wouldn't. I don't think anything good would come of it from either of you. Is she coming alone and telling you about the trauma she suffered there? You're not a professional and don't need the trauma dump. She won't be properly supported. Is she coming with a friend or the therapist? I feel like that would take ages for you to go back to feeling like it was your lovely house.

I'm sympathetic to her, but it would be a 'no' from me. A kind no but a no nonetheless.

Me too.

I think it’s quite common for people to ask to visit childhood homes (usually it’s for good memories).

The fact that she’s told you it was traumatic is that obviously her behaviour may be confusing to you else.
She may get upset or run out etc.

I personally would do it.
If you’re worried about her stealing something then just make sure you hide your valuables.

I'd personally let her if I'd received the letter.
It's ten minutes out of your life but could ease years of pain for her.

“and my healing is of no importance to a perfect stranger, so please do not feel pressured to agree to this. “ this line reads as quite manipulative to me. It is unnecessary, quite heavy handed and reeks of emotional blackmail. I’d bin the letter and wouldn’t engage in any dialogue

Not a fucking chance. I'd be suspicious that someone is casing the joint to see if we were worth robbing.