Received a strange request in the post

People are so naive about PTSD and trauma. It doesn't matter if this therapist is legit. This person clearly has some pretty significant issues and this could go so disastrously wrong.

Imagine if in the quest to feel good about being The One Who Healed When Even a Therapist Couldn't this person went and did something horrific. I'd rather risk maybe feeling a tiny bit guilty for 2 minutes than regret it because she has some sort of flashback that sets her way back, or worse.

Just no. Step away, let go of the God Complex, and let the actual professionals do their job just in case a bad situation is made 100 times worse in a very misguided attempt at 'being kind'.

Most homes are "tainted" something horrendous that has happened in them. You could look at it the other way around. She is letting bad stuff go about your house. Sounds like she'll be more likely to think positive thoughts after her visit.
It's a respectful letter, she has absolutely made it clear you are perfectly fine saying no.

@Thedm

I'm in no way afraid of men. Couldn't care less if I'm on my own walking with one behind me either

But mumsnet is mumsnet

And they are vile about men here....I bet attitudes would change swiftly if the profile pic had been male

and equally I went to visit my early childhood home - where nothing bad had happened, but I just wanted to look at it - and the owners spotted me looking at the outside and invited me in.

Visiting the trauma site is a really important part of therapy for PTSD. Ots called a "site visit" and you do it when youre majing good progress with the memory work. IMO If you can, you should. If your DH is keen to help, why not let him do it and you stay out of the way?

I appreciate its a strange request but imagine if this was you sister or friend-would you like to think someone would help?

I would let her come round but would specify that I don't want to hear the details of the trauma that she's been through. It's not going to taint your house and you could help someone in need.

I think this is the op who wants to send this letter and it's a reverse. I feel this excuse for healing is guilting and nonsense therapy. I do feel it's a scam in that you don't actually need to see it to heal. She might be someone malicious looking to buy the house. A sim card is easily obtained and the name could be fake, it proves nothing.
Her letter already tainted the home. I would be angry at her audacity and selfishness, she has in effect tainted the house.

I too would let her come accompanied but I would also want to be accompanied myself if I were usually alone in the house.

I did do this. And the fact that the house was obviously very different, and a much loved and loving family was living in the house, actually helped the person greatly and allowed him to move forward greatly in his healing journey.

It hasnt tained my home. I felt sad that he had experienced bad stuff, but it wasn't the house's fault, and I love my home.

It cost me nothing - well 15 mins of my time, but it went a very very long way in helping this guy, who is now a friend, to recover from a horrifically abusive childhood

You should do what you feel comfortable with. I don’t think there is a reasonable or unreasonable here. Personally I would probably say yes, arrange for a time when the children will be out of the house, be clear about the length of time the person can be there. I’d probably not want any details about what had happened. The past is the past. But for me if I there was a chance to help someone then I would. I don’t think it’s wrong if you’d prefer not to though.

I don’t know if I could. And the house is going to look nothing like when she lived there. The possession are different and I assume you’ve decorated since. Possible changed the layout/kitchen/bathroom etc.

That uneasy feeling in your gut is the feeling of your boundaries being tested, OP. I’d listen to it.

And to those saying you’re being selfish - well, selfishness can sometimes be a very valuable self-preservation tool, especially when it comes to your own private space. Your MH and that of your family is no less important than this woman’s.

Assuming there really is a therapist, this person should have contacted the OP first to see if a visit was possible before suggesting it to the client.

It's not like visiting an old area, school or place of work - this is someone's home and the OP has now been lumbered with a dilemma about a problem which has nothing to do with her.

Five years ago I would have done but I’m less and less inclined now to deal with others people’s stuff. This is your home where your kids are happy and safe and I wouldn’t want to let her trauma in I’m afraid, although deepest sympathies to her of course.

I wouldn't, I'd put the letter in the recycling bin and forget about it.
It's your choice, don't feel bad if you don't want to agree to it, there's no requirement to respond.

I’d sell up and move. Let next owner deal with it. House feels tainted

A good friend of mine did exactly this. The time frame was longer. She did find it a powerful healing experience and a major factor in that was being taken seriously by the present occupant. The affirmation that what had happened was wrong.

She's not trying to taint your home. What would be the benefit to her of doing that? I can imagine it might be upsetting to you to hear bad things have happened in your home before you lived there, but it doesn't change your experience living there. Your family life is your family life.

You're in a position where you can help someone who's had a horrible time, and it will cost you nothing. If you feel mistrustful, you could reply and ask for her therapist's details and corroborate. You should be able to check the therapist is legit.

“quite a few times”? Do you live in Fred West’s old house?

If I had this request I wouldn’t agree to it. My home is my safe place for my family and me.

I have had these requests quite a few times. I always say yes if they ask beforehand. We get some people knock on the door without notice but I usually say no to them because I would rather tidy up before a stranger comes into my house.

That's made me choke up 😳

Hi agree with your husband, why wouldn't you want to help someone that would only cost you 10 minutes of your day.

I feel really odd about it and almost distrustful

Yes I would feel a bit odd receiving the letter too but I don't understand why you would find it distrustful?

I do wish people would keep their ignorance to themselves. Trauma is absolutely real and the treatment can involve in vivo exposure. I suggest you read The Body Keeps the Score which is a psychiatrist’s account of working with victims of trauma and one of the suggested books for trainees at the Maudsley. You cannot possibly say that this is “pandering” to “nonsense” or that this approach is “psychobabble”.

I'm pretty sure I've read a book with a similar plot. As I recall after the initial visit, the requests became more frequent & the visitor became more unhinged. That would be a NO from me. I would be inclined to ask for the therapists details. If they really did suggest this I would be surprised.

I agree. I'd let her do this in a heartbeat.

My next door neighbour has dealt with this in that there used to be a family who lived in her house but both the parents died and so the kids went to live with their relatives. My neighbour (who moved into the house straight after) told the kids that they were welcome to stay at the house anytime. They had so many memories of the house and the garden so she knew it would be therapeutic for them to see it when they wished.