To consider fostering

Frankly, I'm amazed at some of the responses on here.
Who on this thread knows you so well that they can actually say how it would or wouldn't impact you?
Before we started fostering, most family said it would be a tough thing (no, not a job) to do so we really should consider if we want the 'hassle'.
We opted for the 'hassle' and haven't looked back; steadily increasing the age limit from 0-4 years upto children aged 8 years.
You should go with how you feel, knowing you can pull out at any stage.
Nothing better than trying to give a child a good start in life.
That could be you!
I wish you all the best, whatever you decide

Op I don't think it's for everyone but if its something you want to do then you can try with some short-term placements and see how you get on.

There is a foster board somewhere that might be able to give you more useful information

I work with looked after children, and I daily have thoughts about taking them home with me and fostering them all!

like the previous poster (100 children!! Wow!) I’m saddened to read some of the comments on this thread.

Its not an easy role, but there are ways to ease yourself in and see if it’s the right thing for you and your child eg; respite care, short breaks, emergency, short term. You won’t be given a baby and expected to look after them until their 18.
You should also get support through training opportunities and a dedicated supervising social worker who will regularly support you as well as regular educational meetings (and the support of your local virtual school) and child’s social worker. So you won’t be left to it, infact there will be a lot of expectations to prioritise meetings and appointments with the child you’re caring for.

from my experience (and I do work with the children who are really struggling with a lot of emotional and attachment difficulties), I would consider how much love and empathy have you left in your cup after a busy week. Do you have extra to give? I’ve known some amazing foster carers who fight for the kids, advocate hard and love them like their own children.
On the other side, I’ve known foster careers who are just awful and neglectful. Who shouldn’t be carers, but do it for an income top up and social workers are not willing to challenge because the reality is if the foster placement breaks down the child will end up out of area/in residential because of the lack of foster homes. This means SOME foster carers get away with being shit.

One little boy I recently worked with springs to mind. In the 6 years he has been with his foster carer, they’ve not attended a single school event (sports day, assembly, Christmas play) which is so triggering for him. He gets sent to breakfast club, then after school club until 6. Gets home, has his tea and bed. At the weekend he goes to respite so foster carer can spend time with grandchildren.
This is sadly a familiar pattern I see with lots of children in care, it’s heart breaking but there isn’t enough carers with the emotional capacity to meet a vulnerable child’s needs.

Anyways, sorry for the ramble. There’s no harm looking in to it, attending some events and finding out more information. I’ve nothing but admiration for all the lovely foster carers out there.

And my mother has two birth children in the mix and we are all close and were when we were growing up. There was one member of our family who didn't think it was right to adopt when there were birth children, but she was definitely an outlier and the rest just welcomed and involved the fostered and the adopted. My dad was a vet and we fostered and adopted animals too. And now my family take in every stray animal around and foster them...
So you might set a pattern for your son, OP😂

It’s something we want to do. I’m currently doing training but we’re thinking that when that’s over we could do respite care so it’s like one weekend a month commitment. My dc are fully on board and as a family we feel we can offer a loving home. There’s lots of options such as emergency care or more regular. I worried dc would get attached and struggle to say goodbye.

family friends used to foster (they’re my parents’ ages so retired now) and had the good the bad and the ugly (teen set fire to their home deliberately) but overall, they had good and the last two siblings they fostered the foster dad walked the daughter down the aisle like his own. They also had 4 dc of their own.

you can always try and see. Be really open with your ds and do it as a team.

@TimeForBedSaidZebadee Thanks for what you do. I adopted an older child whose only experience of a normal life had been living in a foster home.

I'm adopted into a family that fostered children including temp fostering of babies where the mother was in crisis and also older teenagers. My mum had her 80th Birthday and we were all there or sending congrats. It's a fantastic thing to do. Not all are troubled teens. I was fostered and eventually adopted because my birth mother was killed in a traffic accident. My eldest Foster brother because his carer was sent to prison, but he was never ever in trouble himself. Explore what it means and make informed decisions. Good Luck.

Good for you OP. I’ve wondered about fostering as my kids get older and become independent. I hope it works out for you.

No way.

I feel the same TimeForBed, I wonder how many of the nay-sayers are foster carers themselves. I stopped telling people years ago that my youngest two were fostered because they assumed that they would be troublesome, one person even asked if they might have aids. I know lots of foster carers, many of whom have gone on to adopt their los, yes some have horror stories to tell, but mostly they are just quietly raising these children with their own and doing a fabulous job of it.

another saying wait until you own child has grown up. my family did it, and they children were so complex that it totally took away the the ability to spend any real quality Time with the bio child, never mind the stress or growing up with traumatised kids coming into the home.

Please do it. We are desperate for someone to have our disabled child for an odd night occasionally but there is no overnight respite available because there aren't enough foster carers. You could just do respite fostering and then you could still spend most of your time and energy on your son but also make a huge difference to a family with a disabled child.

Wow, the responses here make me feel so sad. We have fostered for over twenty years, our birth child was four when we started the process.
We've fostered over one hundred children. Some stayed one night, four stayed so long that now as adults they are still with us and as much a part of our family as our biological dc.
Yes they all suffer some level of trauma but with love, understanding and compassion the majority turn into well adjusted adults.
I remember when we started I booked a caravan to take the children on holiday. The woman who owned the caravan found out we fostered and immediately cancelled our booking saying "I don't want that kind of child in my caravan"
What a bitch, some of the responses on here remind me of her.
Op, it's hard work but so incredibly worthwhile. It's definitely not for everyone but if you start the process you can always pull out. Your dc will be part of the process and if SWs think fostering wouldn't be right for him they will tell you.
There are 43 children on the current list today in our LA alone who are desperate for a home. Its absolutely heartbreaking to think of them bouncing around emergency carers because we are so short of carers in this country.

children in foster care never come without trauma, some of that can be very damaging to your own child. Social services often don’t know the extent until they come into care and make disclosures (or display it in their behaviour). Personally I wouldn’t want to have my child witness that in their home which is meant to be their safe place. It’s a wonderful thing to do and you truly make a difference but I’d wait until your son is an adult.

As the bio child of a family who fostered I have positive, interesting & funny memories.
We had both very short / respite type placements & longish placements. 18 months was the longest I think & we didn't foster again after that baby left, she had come to us straight from the hospital. I think that was particularly hard for my parents when she left. We then 'foster' unmarried pregnant women during their pregnancies, lots more funny stories!! Full disclosure this was Ireland in the 80s

I'm sorry, but it is absolute madness to even consider this while your son is still a child. Foster kids are in the system for a reason, usually many reasons, and all of them are bad. These children usually come with very serious emotional issues that could turn your life and the life of your child upsidedown. For as much as you want to help one of these poor kids, the well-being and stability of your own child must come first. The risks are many and are far too great.

I think if the children are fairly young and you’ve got the time to help them then it’s a really worthwhile thing to do. Otherwise maybe something to consider when your son is older

I haven’t but would consider it when mine leave home. A good friend fostered around 25-30 children over the years and regrets doing it whilst her own children were young, she feels it negatively impacted them significantly

Not all fostered children are troubled, I think that's unfair. My dd is an adult now she is a beautiful human being who has never given us a moment's grief. Yes you have to expect some trauma, and I personally wouldn't take any children older than your own dc for practical reasons, but fostering is a very positive experience for lots of people. As I say, you can opt out at any time if you feel its not for you, but you will never know if you don't take that first step.

Absolutely not while your son is so young
Unfair on him and the child being fostered

You have to consider it very carefully. There is research about the impact on the biological children - not great.

I think it'd be better to wait until your own child is grown. It's unpredictable and stressful.

I would suggest that you foster but not until your own child is much older . We waited until our child was an adult and then adopted an older child. We have been able to really focus on their needs without any impact on our first child.

I wouldn’t. You will be bringing troubled children into your home. I don’t think that’s fair to your son or good for his well-being.

If you feel you would like to do it take the first step, you can change your mind at any time. I have been fostering for 20+ years though not in the UK and I say go for it.