Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Halloween rant

129 replies

Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 12:11

Am I being unreasonable to expect that if you elaborately decorate your house for Halloween that at least one adult should stay in the house to hand out treats (or leave some in an honestly box)?
In my area last night so many houses had signs up saying 'gone out trick-or-treating'. It's an affluent area and these houses have spent a lot showing off, just not participating!

I stayed in, with my dodgy pumpkin and home made decorations, and missed out on the fun to hand out treats. I was rewarded with groups of 6-12 children trying to push their way into my house for treat, waving their hands like the Zombies in Shaun of the Dead trying to get into the pub! Their parents, in equal numbers to their children, stood at the end of my drive watching.

I'm sure some on here will tell me to chill out but just as on the other AIBU thread today (about not one person thanking them for giving up their time to coach) I have to ask are we really such a selfish society now that we only care about our own children being excited and enjoying themselves and don't give a stuff about others? If you decorate your house to participate in Halloween, shouldn't you participate in Halloween? Why do ALL the adults need to be out? Surely it's 1 adult per group, 2 at a push?

A couple of examples that I found upsetting:

  1. DH saw one group of 8 parents with their 10 - 12 children return from trick-or-treating, go into a house and replace the sign from 'gone trick or treating' to 'out of treats'.
  2. I had a group of 'Tweens turn up with pillowcases no less stuffs full of sweets. I then saw them getting into one of their parents car and driving off to the next house.

Is this what Halloween is now self, self, self. Next year maybe the DCs could hand out treats to the parents who stay in! I think I’ll join in the fun too and will be carrying a very large box of eggs. So if you are reading this and are one of those people then beware. After all it is called 'trick or treat' for a reason!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:32

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 01/11/2023 13:30

How do you know all this anyway if you didn't go out?

If your kids were whinging to you about it, tell them...

  1. They're coming across as ungrateful little brats.
  2. If they're that bothered a house is empty, knock back later when someone might be home.
  3. People who decorate their homes don't owe your kids shit.
Edited
Show quote history

Did you read the post or did you just come starting to the comments?

OP posts:
YabbaDabbaDooooo · 01/11/2023 13:30

Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:26

Not at all I did have a great evening. I'm disappointed that there seems to be a view in society today that you can take but not give. I've done Halloween for a few years now and more people seem to be going gout that staying in. If everyone does that then what?

Show quote history

How do you know all this anyway if you didn't go out?

If your kids were whinging to you about it, tell them...

  1. They're coming across as ungrateful little brats.
  2. If they're that bothered a house is empty, knock back later when someone might be home.
  3. People who decorate their homes don't owe your kids shit.
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/11/2023 13:27

I noticed last night how many dc were out with both parents - and even grandparents as well in some instances - and I just thought how lovely that was.

We didn't often stay in to hand out treats when dd was younger, as dh was often out of the country at that time, and I would be taking dd out. So I guess in those early years, we didn't "reciprocate". However, we have more than done our fair share of handing out sweets in the years since then...we had over 100 kids call at our house last night, for example. So I think it balances out over time.

As for decorating... yes, I would usually assume that to mean that someone would be in handing out sweets, but if they've put up a sign to say they're out, then fair enough. It's no big deal if they want to decorate in my view.

Original poster
Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:26

minipie · 01/11/2023 13:22

This is weird OP

A decorated house is a fun thing. Kids enjoy seeing the decorations even if there are no sweets at that house.

Ok it’s a tiny bit annoying if your kids knock, stand waiting and there is no answer which is why a “Sorry out of sweets” or “Gone out” sign is perfect. But not a biggie either way.

I don’t understand the problem with adults going round with the kids. More fun for the adults to have adult company surely.

Reciprocation, well of course this is only fair, but in my book it comes in life stages - while DC are little you go out with them, when they are teens and older they go out alone or stay in and you hand out. No need for a parent of young kids to martyr themselves staying home rather than going out.

Grabby kids not ok, of course. I didn’t see any of those personally.

Bluntly, it sounds like you are disappointed you didn’t have a great evening and are looking to frame it as everyone else doing something wrong, rather than you having made a poor choice.

Not at all I did have a great evening. I'm disappointed that there seems to be a view in society today that you can take but not give. I've done Halloween for a few years now and more people seem to be going gout that staying in. If everyone does that then what?

OP posts:
ncob · 01/11/2023 13:25

Lol, some of these threads honestly. Just live and let live? Go out if you want, dont if you dont?

People do as they please not as you'd like... Lots of people do lots of things (for example decorating their house) for reasons you may not know or for reasons different to yourself. IS it really that hard to understand?

minipie · 01/11/2023 13:25

someone has to be home at some point during the 5-6pm premium hour otherwise there is no one to hand out any treats at all. I love my DC and would have loved to be out but felt it fair that someone stayed home as trick or treat is for the children not adults

First as I say I think the giving out happens when you have older DC

Second, your idea of one parent stays home while another adult goes out with the kids only works if there are two parents, both home early. Many people don’t have this. Maybe it’s possible if you have a parent friend who will take your DC round with theirs, but in that case the friend isn’t home to hand out?

Original poster
Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:23

Windowsdown6819 · 01/11/2023 13:21

Maybe there's not another adult to stay at the house?

I'm the only adult in my house.

I left a note saying away T&T.. help yourself.

I came back to the whole bowl empty & I had put all the sweets I had in it, not expecting them all to be gone so quickly. It was obvious that people were letting their kids take more than just 1 or 2.

Got my kids in the car & drove them a few streets down as they had arranged to meet with a few friends from school to go T&T with them.

Came home, myself, & set up a few games for them & their friend's coming back to our house.

The point of my post is that you are judging alot without knowing peoples circumstances etc

I'm absolutely judging people whose circumstances I know. These were groups of mums AND dads.

OP posts:
SpicedAppleAndFreshCider · 01/11/2023 13:23

I really want to watch the Motherland Halloween episode now.

MrsPinkSky · 01/11/2023 13:23

Who takes your kids out so you can stay home OP?

minipie · 01/11/2023 13:22

This is weird OP

A decorated house is a fun thing. Kids enjoy seeing the decorations even if there are no sweets at that house.

Ok it’s a tiny bit annoying if your kids knock, stand waiting and there is no answer which is why a “Sorry out of sweets” or “Gone out” sign is perfect. But not a biggie either way.

I don’t understand the problem with adults going round with the kids. More fun for the adults to have adult company surely.

Reciprocation, well of course this is only fair, but in my book it comes in life stages - while DC are little you go out with them, when they are teens and older they go out alone or stay in and you hand out. No need for a parent of young kids to martyr themselves staying home rather than going out.

Grabby kids not ok, of course. I didn’t see any of those personally.

Bluntly, it sounds like you are disappointed you didn’t have a great evening and are looking to frame it as everyone else doing something wrong, rather than you having made a poor choice.

Original poster
Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:21

Sunshower86 · 01/11/2023 12:54

I hear you to some extent, I think it’s a shame that a lot of families go out but don’t seem to reciprocate. Even once the children are older and they don’t need to take them around, they don’t seem to hand out treats.

Bowls of candy are a nice gesture but not the same and it only takes one person to ruin it.

I can’t begrudge people wanting to be out with their children though. Parents who love their children and want to spend time with them can never be a bad thing.

We only had polite children and grateful parents around here. And handing out sweets can be as fun as going out.

I don't begrudge people going out either but someone has to be home at some point during the 5-6pm premium hour otherwise there is no one to hand out any treats at all. I love my DC and would have loved to be out but felt it fair that someone stayed home as trick or treat is for the children not adults. I know my DC are so busy running up and down the streets, bumping into their friends, that they don't miss me and are excited to come back and tell me about it. I just wonder how many years it will be before Halloween is just groups of adults and children wandering the streets reading the same sign and then going home to have their own party!

OP posts:
Windowsdown6819 · 01/11/2023 13:21

Maybe there's not another adult to stay at the house?

I'm the only adult in my house.

I left a note saying away T&T.. help yourself.

I came back to the whole bowl empty & I had put all the sweets I had in it, not expecting them all to be gone so quickly. It was obvious that people were letting their kids take more than just 1 or 2.

Got my kids in the car & drove them a few streets down as they had arranged to meet with a few friends from school to go T&T with them.

Came home, myself, & set up a few games for them & their friend's coming back to our house.

The point of my post is that you are judging alot without knowing peoples circumstances etc

Jewelspun · 01/11/2023 13:19

You'd have to be an absolute moron to put a sign on your home saying you are out.

WeighDownOnMe · 01/11/2023 13:09

Upsetting? You found this upsetting?

JaxiiTaxii · 01/11/2023 13:06

Decorating your house is just a sign that you're open for random kids to come & knock for sweets.

That's all.

If nobody answers... You move on.

CheezePleeze · 01/11/2023 13:05

Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:03

I'm explicitly talking about those who don't participate at all. Like the family that changed the sign from 'out trick or treating' to 'out of sweets'.

Show quote history

Unless you stood there watching them all night how do you KNOW they didn't participate?

They could've left a bowl of sweets before they went out, then got home and discovered they were all gone.

Original poster
Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:03

CheezePleeze · 01/11/2023 12:58

It was NEVER a sign that you'd be in.

Most parents mix it up.

They give some sweets out, take their kids out and then give more out if anyone knocks when they get home.

Show quote history

I'm explicitly talking about those who don't participate at all. Like the family that changed the sign from 'out trick or treating' to 'out of sweets'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 13:00

ManateeFair · 01/11/2023 12:54

I just don't understand when Halloween became about holding private parties and adults having a get together. It used to be about children dressing up and knocking on doors and everyone on the street doing their bit for each other

I'm in my late 40s and my friends and I didn't go trick-or-treating when we were kids. Lots of people had Halloween parties though, either for kids or for just adults. When I was a teenager my mates and I used to gather at my house, do horror makeup on each other, carve pumpkins and watch horror movies in the dark, and probably at some point get a fit of the giggles while making a ouija board spell out the word "BOLLOCKS" or something.

I don't any kids and if I want to get into the scary vibes of Halloween I will, thanks. I'm not obliged to facilitate your kiddy-friendly fun just because you happen to be a parent.

Show quote history

I'm similar ages and I did go out to my neighbours (with a turnip and a bike light). We tended to only go to neighbours we knew but the whole point of Treat or Treat is that you give a treat or the get a trick! You decorate your house to show you are up for it.

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 01/11/2023 12:58

Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 12:52

Ok so I'm getting the message that decorating your house is no longer a sign that you will be in and that's it's perfectly acceptable to take your children out but not reciprocate. Looks like everyone but me realised this. So that is what I shall do... until of course everyone does this and no one is home, then there won't be much point bothering at all.

It was NEVER a sign that you'd be in.

Most parents mix it up.

They give some sweets out, take their kids out and then give more out if anyone knocks when they get home.

ManateeFair · 01/11/2023 12:55

decorating your house is no longer a sign that you will be in

It never was. You just decided that was the rule.

ManateeFair · 01/11/2023 12:54

Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 12:29

I'm not stressed at all. Had a lovely evening with friends and their DCs after they'd all finished. I just don't understand when Halloween became about holding private parties and adults having a get together. It used to be about children dressing up and knocking on doors and everyone on the street doing their bit for each other. Obviously things have moved on and it's acceptable to not be in and let your children knock on doors with their arms outstretched without muttering a word. I now understand why less and less people are bothering. Shame.

Show quote history

I just don't understand when Halloween became about holding private parties and adults having a get together. It used to be about children dressing up and knocking on doors and everyone on the street doing their bit for each other

I'm in my late 40s and my friends and I didn't go trick-or-treating when we were kids. Lots of people had Halloween parties though, either for kids or for just adults. When I was a teenager my mates and I used to gather at my house, do horror makeup on each other, carve pumpkins and watch horror movies in the dark, and probably at some point get a fit of the giggles while making a ouija board spell out the word "BOLLOCKS" or something.

I don't any kids and if I want to get into the scary vibes of Halloween I will, thanks. I'm not obliged to facilitate your kiddy-friendly fun just because you happen to be a parent.

Sunshower86 · 01/11/2023 12:54

I hear you to some extent, I think it’s a shame that a lot of families go out but don’t seem to reciprocate. Even once the children are older and they don’t need to take them around, they don’t seem to hand out treats.

Bowls of candy are a nice gesture but not the same and it only takes one person to ruin it.

I can’t begrudge people wanting to be out with their children though. Parents who love their children and want to spend time with them can never be a bad thing.

We only had polite children and grateful parents around here. And handing out sweets can be as fun as going out.

AttentionToDetal · 01/11/2023 12:53

Just to add me and DH took the young dc out trick & treating last night, left sweets in an 'honesty bucket' - all gone when we came back. The ring doorbell showed a group of teenagers came along first and poured them all into their bags so none left for anyone else..

It's a risk of course. Also a so called naice area 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Mannerscostn0thing · 01/11/2023 12:52

Ok so I'm getting the message that decorating your house is no longer a sign that you will be in and that's it's perfectly acceptable to take your children out but not reciprocate. Looks like everyone but me realised this. So that is what I shall do... until of course everyone does this and no one is home, then there won't be much point bothering at all.

OP posts:
Smellslikesummer · 01/11/2023 12:49

Oh and around here lots of people leave a bowl of sweets out, works pretty well and most of the ones we saw still had candy in at 7pm.

Swipe left for the next trending thread