Asd/adhd discipline

You'd be better getting this moved onto the SN boards, OP. You'll get more constructive answers there whereas here on AIBU there will be at least one dickhead with absolutely zero experience of parenting a child with ASD who will make awful judgements about you and your DC.

To answer your question, with my DC they act like that when they're disregulated and it's pointless trying to talk the situation through or apply any sort of consequences with a disregulated child. The first step is to bring them back to a state of emotional and physical regulation, what works for your DC will be different to what works for my DC but if you Google Zones of Regulation you can get some starting points of how to use the technique.

That doesn't mean we don't have consequences for behaviour, but not over something like that where the child feels so dysregulated. An apology would be required but done in a relational way. Sanctions are always restorative based such as an apology, a letter to the teacher if something at school, mending or.tidying something broken or paying towards something new. Tech bans are the ultimate sanction and used sparingly to have the maximum effect. It's really effective.

Really hard situation. I try to preempt things and reflect back to where the meltdown started and how I could regulate that period rather than focus on the discipline. My child always feels awful after having lashed out physically or verbally and we discuss it when calm. We handle birthdays by letting our child know what his main present will be and choose his cake in advance. It takes a huge amount of pressure off for him rather than going into the unknown and whether he has the present he wants or not. If his siblings are asking for sweets whilst he is already processing a huge amount of information it can easily push into overload so maybe just have some ready to give them or warn them not to. It's very likely not about selfishness and not wanting to.share but needing some control.

Be aware of things that can calm (ie his sensory profile, so does firm pressure or eating something really cold or going on a swing/riding said bike help him regulate? Have what is needed ready as it can help reduce anxiety levels.

We tend to reflect on situations that have turned into meltdowns later at a point when there are no stressor, eg using zones of regulation and suggesting I wonder if you felt worried/anxious/disappointed/over excited. That can be an Amber feeling and can go to feeling angry (red), how can we help you stay in Amber or go to green, eg go to your room and hide under the duvet/play with fiddle toys/punch a pillow or whatever helps for your child. It has taken us a long time but we are finally at the stage where our child can start to recognise the feelings earlier and often remover himself from the situation before it escalates.

Nope. I have an ADHD teen and the name calling or any type of disrespect isn't acceptable. ADHD is a reason, not an excuse. Idiots, hopes one of you die... absolutely not, bike would be getting returned as soon as daylight broke seeing as I'd already ruined their birthday anyway. Has he always had anger issues?