Kindly...

"I'm not being funny but..." followed by something breathtakingly insulting. One of my colleagues says this ALL. THE. TIME 🙄

I'm not being funny but what have you done to your hair/eyebrows/face etc

It is incredibly annoying and incredibly rude.

Argh I hate this too @MasterBeth !!! Drives me crazy. As a few posters have said it's like 'with all due respect' and 'I'm not being funny but...' etc. So annoying.

Weirdly I was about to post this same thing today, as I have seen this quite a bit lately, and I thought it was the final straw and I WILL post about it soon, when someone said yesterday, 'kindly OP...' and then said something quite mean.' (It was on one of the Matthew Perry threads.)

Someone on there said 'putting 'kindly' before what you say does NOT make it kind!' and this poster was right. It proper pisses me off.

Thanks for posting this. Saved me a job!

We get an email monthly with this on, just for normal deadline stuff that generally no one ever misses as it's basically our whole jobs (accountants) to complete month end accounts. So it's not even a reminder because we haven't done anything, it's just gentle reminder that x,y,z is due today at 5pm.

Yeah what is that, such bizarre wording. Just a reminder, or important reminder will do. Gentle reminder sounds dickish TBH 🤣

Yes, I was going to say this but you've already done it for me. Cheers

‘I’m not being funny right, but….’

Yep. Same as 'I'm not being funny, but', or 'No offence, but'..

YANBU. In our house we use 'with respect' ironically so we can insult each other in an amusing way 😂

I always think the Oxford dictionary should change the definitions of the word 'kindly' and phrase 'with the greatest of respect' to 'patronising twat'.

Edited because I need a dictionary as I can't spell 😂

We used to get "gentle reminders" from school, which translated as "This is the first you've heard about this."
I've seen gently used with some modicum of empathy but kindly is as passive aggressive as telling someone else to "be kind".

@dcsp I agree, I've experienced the same with my colleagues from Africa. It seems to be a formal way of communicating in written English and not intended to be patronising at all.

I like reading the different uses and styles of the English language.

Are the people you notice doing this people who learned English in the UK?

When a British person says "Kindly <something>", what it really means is "For goodness sake will you bloody well <something> or else"

In contrast, in Indian English, it seems to be added as a polite formality. When I moved to a team with a lot of Indian colleagues (both onshore and offshore) this grated at first before I realised it was just a language difference.

I saw your title and thought 'yeah right, bet there's not going to be anything kind about this!' - which i think proves your point.

I quite like it used on here because it’s a clue that what I’m about to read is going to be 100% cunty, no dilution. So I can brace myself. Kindly, gently, [insert twattery here].

In the same vein as "I'm not being funny but..." In other words, "I'm about to give something/someone an absolute pasting but I don't want to look like a twat"

"Kindly" I definitely see as passive aggressive. Again, in other words "I'm about to give you an absolute bollocking but I don't want to look like a twat"

"Gentle reminder" ; "I need to give you all a kick up the arse but I don't want to look like a twat"

It's 'reminder'. Or "just a reminder", or "quick reminder" if you think you might come off as abrupt. None of this gentle bollocks.

Oh... now I'm confused. I thought the OP was talking about it in relation to MN threads but now I see others are talking about it with regards to money.

Yes, I can see it as PA in work emails etc but it means something totally different in the Relationship and Divorce boards here.

I absolutely respect this opinion but I guarantee my interactions on MN using “kindly” have been nothing other than kind.

I’d also put a fair bet on my coming across as actually kind rather than PA or as a total bitch in its use. It’s quite late so I won’t search my posts now but will take some time tomorrow to do so. The only thing I can think may refute this opinion is that I have likely used “gently” as well as “kindly” and likely used “gently” more often, maybe that changes the meaning of the post?

I have literally never seen the word "kindly" used in any context other than passive aggression. It's always meant to take the sting out of a demand for money, a fairly bossy instruction to do something or a telling off. It's lost any of its historical association with actual kindness.

You may be using it with kind intentions but I promise you it isn't coming across as such.

I’ve definitely used this and have gone on to be nothing but kind.

I agree “kindly” is not always used “kindly” but sometimes it is.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

What about ‘Polite Notice’?

Polite notice in my experience is almost always followed by

"Give me money".

Kindly is awful, patronizing and PA

What about ‘Polite Notice’?

For example:

Polite Notice - You’re all twats.

Not really polite, is it?

"Kindly" is the most passive aggressive thing you can write.

As a PP pointed out it never prefigures actual kindness. It's a disclaimer that you are about to be aggressive and dictatorial but with a veneer of icy politeness.

Very much in the same vein as people saying: "I'm not being funny but/I'm not being racist but"... and then going on to be unkind or racist.

It’s like the ‘No Offence’ character from the Fast Show from years ago… “Your backside looks enormous in that skirt… no offence”

I can guarantee that any request I receive that starts with "Kindly..." goes straight in the bin and/or I do the exact opposite of the request.