AIBU for checking cheating husbands phone

Zombie thread, hopefully the op has long moved on.

If the idiot is slagging you off to all and sundry, I’d be dropping gory details to the same people. It isn’t fair that he’s saying you’re talking shit and why should you lose friends?

You know the truth, you saw it with your own eyes. Why does it matter if you hear it from his mouth? You know the truth and you’re divorcing him. remind yourself that he’s a cheating asshole and you’re saving yourself years of heartache by leaving now. Work on healing and making yourself happy alone and forget this complete tosser.

Do you live for the drama? If not then leave

Oops old thread!

It sounds like morbid curiosity and a bad habit at this point OP. A bit like doomscrolling for the dopamine.

Wean yourself off it! You’re better than this, and he’s a twat. Autocorrected to tart, hah hah. He’s that too.

Check the phone, take screenshots and move on. Enough of the breadcrumbs nonsense. Take back control.

People won’t really be interested in his opinion of you, they will take it with a pinch of salt. It’s hard but try not to let it get to you x

The only thing I can think of is you like the drama, why?

So I found his old phone and have kept an eye on it and keep dropping breadcrumbs to try and get him to finally admit it and stop blaming me for the breakdown of our marriage.

Why? What are you gaining from this? The marriage is over anyway, who cares if he's blaming you? Will him suddenly admitting he's a huge arsehole change anything? No. Move on.

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP. It’s awful. I agree wholeheartedly with @CheekyHobson - please do not torture yourself with what others might think. He can say what he likes but people will make their own judgement. If he’s calling you a ‘nut job’ then this only reflects badly on him.

The facts of an affair with a mutual friend speak for themselves. It will all come to light in time. People will see it for what it is. Checking his phone is understandable but torturous for you….consider whether it actually helps you or harms you… As previous posters have said, keep the evidence you have for the divorce. You don’t need more.

Keep your dignity, surround yourself with people who care about you, be kind to yourself and ignore the cruel bastard. His denial and blame is indicative of not taking responsibility for what he has done. A better future awaits you.

💐for you. Please look after yourself. He’s unimportant now.

You know all these things already.

Do you best to ignore the twat until you can move out

Your divorcing all your doing is making a difficult situation worse for yourself

it’s done tbh going through phones trying to trip him up is pointless it not as though w are getting back together
so yes you will come across as a nut job

There's always one.

Your marriage is over and you need to just look after yourself. Stop wasting time and energy on what he is doing, you'll move on quicker. You know what he's done, you don't need to keep reminding yourself q

If he's gaslighting you then put those messages on FB or Twitter.

It's petty with a cherry on top but it might bring him down a peg or two. It will also blow up so you may devide to do it when safely out of the house.

Or just fantasise about the trouble it'll cause.

Now that you have started divorce proceedings you shouldn’t be going through his phone to see if he is seeing someone else even if you are still living on the same premises.

To be honest, there is no point going through his phone anymore. You know what you know already. Stay strong babes and get yourself of of there ASAP.
As for him he has nothing better to do then try and make you feel a certain way for his cheating behaviour.

And demonising me to the world that I am I quote a "nut job" accusing him of having an affair etc etc.

You just have to learn to live with this and trust that people will see the truth. My ex behaved very badly in our relationship but when I ended it due to his abusive behaviour and lies, the story he started spreading around was either "She's controlling and critical, she wouldn't let me do anything" (to people where he didn't think it would get back to me) or "Oh, we just grew apart" (to people where he suspected it would). No accountability at all for his behaviour, covered it up/denied wherever he could and threw me under the bus instead.

You just have to accept that assholes are gonna be assholes in multiple ways. Your XH's a cheat, so it's not surprising that he's also a liar.

Anyone really important in your life is going to believe you and have your back, and anyone who doesn't isn't that important.

I'd give it a miss and leave them to it. You already know, so why do you want to know all the details? In a few years, she'll be in the same boat.

Content yourself with the fact that you're getting out of an awful situation.

Bingo.

🙄

You don't need to prove something you already know

Stop giving a fuck about anything he says. Ignore him completely. What he says to other people is none of your concern because no one will believe him anyway. He's pathetic.

Take full responsibility-for the end of marriage....fuck breadcrumbs. You saw his true colours and he isnt worth keeping.the end.(hope you can get out soon)