DH is well meaning but gets it "wrong"

He was really proud of himself with the reel of electrical cable, not the cheaper stuff either !!! So, I can have plug sockets wherever I want all over the house (apparently) !!!

When we were first together I told DH I don't like present surprises because I find it awkward/stressful if I don't like something as I feel terrible that someone has wasted their hard earned money on something I will never use. He said that's fine I am very happy to return things I won't be upset at all, so that happened a few times, now he's more likely to stick to things he knows I like, books by certain authors, my favourite perfume, things he sees on my Pinterest boards etc and any surprises are smaller things of low value so if I like them great, if I don't either he returns it I don't feel bad not using them because it's not something expensive.

She told him while outside the shop that she didn’t know these were a shop and not just online because she wants an initial necklace from that shop…she told him exactly what she wants and from where as far as the op reads!
he has then come home and gone online to h Samuel to look at initial necklaces. When due to the conversation outside the shop, it was very clear that she wanted one from that shop, otherwise why did the conversation happen while at that shop?!

The problem is you half say what you want (an initial necklace) but fail to be specific and then feel unhappy when your husband gives you what you said you wanted (an initial necklace) but not from a very specific brand (or maybe you even want a very specific one?) that you didn’t explicitly say.
It’s not very nice to your husband because you probably won’t wear the necklace if it’s not the one you wanted and your husband will think you’re really difficult to please /weird for asking something and then not liking it.
Either don’t say anything about what you want or say exactly what you want (because you don’t want an initial necklace, you want a very specific initial necklace from a certain brand) or accept that people are not going to give you what you want if you give half hints.
I feel sorry for your husband tbh if you don’t say clearly exactly what you want.

You just have to use your words. 'i can't believe that shop is open, I love their stuff please please could you get me an X necklace from there for my birthday,.I'll send you the link!'
I.dont see what is wrong with that.
If you don't have lots of money to spend on yourself it's lovely to get the exact luxury item you've been dreaming of for your birthday. That's always been my though process anyway. And I really think it's.pretty difficult to guess that sort of stuff

We (DH, me and two now adult DC) have four WhatsApp groups - each one entitled “present ideas for”. Whenever we see something we might like we pop a link into the relevant group. If we subsequently acquire it, we add a comment to that effect. That way, gifts can be a surprise, but we’re fairly sure we’re buying something that is wanted.

It could also be like mine that I have told him, and he listens but doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want to buy me a gift that isn’t a surprise. He would rather not do the gift than it not be a surprise. It doesn’t matter how many times we talk about it, it makes no difference. Last year we had a slight improvement, but we’ve been together 12 years…! 😂
it’s not always a lack of communication that leads to these things x

Sorry to be blunt but you don't know how lucky you are (I appreciate this applies to all of us albeit relating to other things). You have someone who loves you, I don't have that and it's not going to happen, either. If the man I love bought me a tatty H Samuel initial necklace it would be the best thing anyone ever bought me 😔

When we got engaged my DH planned it as quite an elaborate surprise, but he did NOT buy "the ring" because he knows I have particular taste. After I said yes we went and shopped for the ring together. Some of my friends found this weird, but to me it makes no sense to beat around the bush about stuff like this. If DH is buying me a gift he's doing it to make me happy, and he may as well get it right the first time. So he knows to always ask me and that works for both of us stresswise and is less wasteful. It does mean I get fewer genuine surprises but also fewer awkward moments of pretending I love it. I'm sure your DH loves you for the person you are, including your clear ideas on what you like, and I'm sure he'd rather get the perfect present for you. Just tell him.

I like surprises, but equally I'm quite fussy.

I point out various things I like and then my husband buys me one of them.

I've even told him previously that they are the specific ones I want so please just don't get me one similar!

Just tell him! That’s what I do. If you are married and happy together there shouldn’t be anything you can’t say to each other or any awkwardness.
I’ve always just been direct and said I like x y z. Buy it for me! If I don’t like what he buys me I tell him again.
Now if it’s a friend then that’s different. I would just be grateful for whatever I get and if I don’t like it then give it to the charity shop, sell it or re gift it.

You have to tell him ….. learn from my experiences I’ve got 2 hairdryers, 3 baby bliss big hair stylers, a sideboard, a garden gate and most uniquely a reel of electrical cable for some of my gifts.

Initial necklaces? Ouch. I agree OP needs to be something you love

The fact you’ve traded Tiffany for Ralph Lauren hurts my soul.

Honestly just tell him what you want and from what shop! My DH gets it wrong too often as well so I usually just go shopping with him to get my Xmas and Birthday pressies. He buys me stocking fillers by himself but he knows anything else and I need to be with him! His taste is definitely not my taste!

However I think , when it comes to possessions, no one can get it right it seems. How can a soap dispenser be wrong?

Easily. I just had a quick Google of soap dispensers and there are different styles, materials, shapes. I wouldn't like or choose anything with gold on it for example. I wouldn't want black as it doesn't go with the bathroom. I don't like red/orange/yellow things in the house. I like to have things that I like, in colours and styles I enjoy.

YANBU to have very specific tastes, but YABU if you don't actually tell people exactly what you want. You need to be a lot clearer.

My DP is pretty good at buying presents, not many misfires, but for something very personal and relatively permanent, like a piece of jewellery or a watch, we'd always go out and choose it together.

Giving someone specific instructions is about as exciting as telling someone you want cash. Real gifts have the pros and cons of being a genuine surprise and expression of love while potentially not being perfect.

@DonnaBanana Well, maybe for you - but not everyone feels like that! We're all different. Some people will obviously prefer a surprise, but for some people, being given exactly the thing you really, really want feels like more of an expression of love than a 'surprise' that you don't actually like. Equally, for some people, the biggest treat you could offer them is some cash to go out and treat themselves to a shopping spree, as for some people there's a real pleasure in browsing and choosing something. I, for example, LOVE shopping for books - so giving me a book token or even just money, so I can go into a huge bookshop and spend ages browsing and choosing some books, would be a much more exciting gift for me than some books that you'd chosen for me in the hope that I might like them.

Im similar and I hate surprises. I always send links to specifically what I would like. DH doesnt mind at all - makes it easier for him as he doesn't have to think about it and just orders it. We're all happy with this!

I've always had a problem with specifically asking for something I like. I will often say how much I like something. Or how much I hope to have something. But I always struggle with extending it into a request 😫

This is a you problem, then. You have two choices: a) communicate clearly about what you actually want or b) continue as you are and put up with receiving stuff you don't want. That's it, really.

I always find it odd that children are encouraged to write letters to Father Christmas (aka a wish list) but so many adults can't communicate with the other adults in their life to say what they would actually like to have as a gift.

My husband send me links to bits of tech/mountain bike that he wants and in return he arranges a day out for me...this year was it was seeing red squirrels at York arboretum and a lovely country pub lunch (he drove) and it was perfect.

I am also very particular and hate "consuming" just for the sake of it .

My family tend to buy me wine or lovely chutneys/crackers from fancy food places..I love it, things I wouldn't buy myself but which don't take up space.

Just tell him what you'd like. 30+ years and gifts aren't that amazing now, he knows what I like and I know what he likes. These days we end up buying basics for each other as we have most of what we need/want. Like others have said time together is welcomed, afternoon tea dance, afternoon tea in a nice hotel, weekend away with dinner.

I show my husband exactly what I would like, e.g. a pair of shoes, and tbh I think he is relieved that he doesn't have to worry about getting a big purchase wrong (I mean like £100 plus pair of shoes). You could also ask if he can get a gift receipt with any purchases, just in case it doesn't fit/look right/sit right on your neck/wrist etc. He would probably be glad of the pressure being taking off? I know my hubby is.