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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice relationship/abortion

38 replies

heavyheart87 · 25/10/2023 20:36

Firstly I am well aware of how this shouldn't have happened. Not here for critism for advice.

I found out recently I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided to have an abortion.

I stand by my decision however it has been a difficult decision for me. Black and white thinking for him with no emotion. Almost unbothered.

He went away with the lads for a weekend there and left me to go through abortion alone.

We are in our 30s and have been together 4 years.

AIBU for feeling totally abandoned by him. I feel so hurt and rejected and I am questioning the validity of our relationship.

I am also aware my hormones are all over the place and unsure if I am over reacting. Reason for post to reach clarity.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Evaka · 25/10/2023 23:07

I'm sorry for you OP. Did he leave you alone over the period you'd taken the pills and were expected to pass the pregnancy? Shocking if so.

Caerulea · 25/10/2023 22:56

I'd have been crushed, honestly. He should not have needed telling that you'd need support & I'm afraid I'd be questioning everything.

EtiennePalmiere · 25/10/2023 22:53

Have you told him he should have been there for you? What did he say?

EtiennePalmiere · 25/10/2023 22:52

That's appalling, so sorry you had to go through it alone, tough mentally and physically. Unfortunately I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

Original poster
heavyheart87 · 25/10/2023 22:45

Thank you

OP posts:
HungryandIknowit · 25/10/2023 22:14

I think it depends what he's like the rest of the time. Is he usually empathetic and supportive? If not I would be questioning things tbh.

Hankunamatata · 25/10/2023 22:08

In an ideal world yes he should be all supportive however in my experience I have to be quite plain with my husband and tell him what I need and what I want

Eddielizzard · 25/10/2023 22:07

Incredibly hurtful

TeeedleDum · 25/10/2023 22:05

He should 100% be there for you. It's his responsibility too and he should be there to look after you. I'd be furious. Hope you're ok x

Original poster
heavyheart87 · 25/10/2023 21:00

Thanks. Yeah I am of the mindset he is a grown man and should have considered my feelings.

OP posts:
Georgeandzippyzoo · 25/10/2023 20:55

I would like to think that you shouldnt have had to tell him you needed support and for him to be there.
I do get he might not feel emotional etc but he should have known YOU would and I agree I'd be questioning where your relationship is heading.

Original poster
heavyheart87 · 25/10/2023 20:49

I never considered that. I did have pretty bad pregnancy symptoms so I guess he wasn't feeling all that.

I didn't express this to him however I think it was pretty obvious I was struggling with it all. Been upset not sleeping had to take time off work.

Thanks for replying

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2023 20:39

I do think men can separate themselves from pregnancy because it's not a physical reality for them.

However, being there to support you is important. Did you express that you wanted him there?

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