Being signed off work with stress

Grumplechops gives you really good advice.
Op when it comes to it in the end,
Yourself and your family come first.
By taking time off to get yourself in a better place and offload, it is the right thing to do for you.
Your well being is vital,
Seek counselling, think of yourself because your child and partner need you to be OK.
You deserve a break.
Your workplace will support you if it is a decent place.
Gossip, opinion is unimportant
You are right!

Would you being at home stop the need for wraparound care for your eldest? Can you cut costs any other ways too, to allow you to take a career break?

I meant to add, yes the number of sick days will stay on your record but in terms of future jobs, it will only be an issue within the CS 1) if you were to apply for another job while the warning was still “live” (usually 12 months) when it has to be declared, or 2) if the number of days off was so significant / it developed into something classed as a disability, the new department wanted you to go through an OH referral - again, this wouldn’t block a future change if you’re honest and engage with the process, it just holds up transfers a while. In general they wouldn’t be looking for an excuse not to employ you, they’d be ensuring any additional support was in place for you joining.

Outside the CS it’s not an issue as most departments only provide the legal minimum in references now (confirmation of dates worked and position(s) but having worked in other sectors, I’ve personally had much much more support when dealing with stress within the CS than outside it so I’d be cautious about moving.

The other thing to think about is whether you make a formal application for term time only employment.

Teachers don’t change nappies and my friends in same position. Child can’t be potty trained as she doesn’t have any awareness. She lives in her own bubble really, plays alongside other children but doesn’t interact etc. So much red tape, I attended the appeal with her (mediation) and they said still don’t have enough evidence. It’s madness as in the meantime my friend is having to be off sick as she can’t work with her SEN child home all day bar 90 mins in school. Even with funding for 1-2-1 the school can’t recruit anyone to do the job, no-one applied to the last advert. So difficult

in my gov dept yes it’s on your record but you only need to declare for internal jobs if on a live warning. Not sure if you’ll get one as very much depends on your department and attitude of senior leaders re warnings

Take a bit of time off. Got a friend in this situation - almost identical but she’s a single parent. Battling for an EHCP as non verbal (5yrs old) and school can only take her on reduced timetable (90 mins a day). She’s so stressed with it, she had no choice but to get signed off for a few weeks. She’s sorting out a childminder now for rest of week to help the non 90 mins she’s in school until EHCP is granted and she can attend a school more suitable for her needs

CS here. I’d be fully supportive if you were in my team. Having someone signed off with stress is nothing out of the ordinary. I’ve also been signed off myself in a previous department, so I’ve seen it from both sides.

I have no experience at all of the EHCP process so can only offer sympathy, no advice there. I can advise a little on the work side of things:

• Try to take some time to rest - easier said than done by the sounds of your circumstances, but do try.
• Stay in contact with your line manager, and discuss an OH referral - IME the reports are usually favourable to the employee and managers will usually implement any recommendations about hours, future workloads etc.
• As others have said, use the resources available from PAM assist or whoever your EAP provider is.
• Be aware that you are likely to hit a sickness absence trigger but it’s not usually as scary as it sounds. When you return, your LM should have a return to work interview with you and talk you through the process, and the policy should be on your intranet too. Even if you are issued with a first stage warning (and the manager may have discretion to decline to do so), it just means your future sickness will be monitored in case you hit further triggers. Ignore the PP who talked about everyone in that position being managed out; if the Civil Service managed out everyone who was ever signed off with stress, there’d only be a skeleton staff left! I’ve been promoted since my return from stress-related absence so it absolutely does not have to have an adverse impact on your future.
• Do you have a Carer’s Passport? If not, look into it when you get back. It’s not a free pass for anything to do with your son that affects your work, but if you move teams in the future you can give it to your new manager and it will help explain your situation. Your department may have a Carer’s Network too - use these resources for support and advice.

Take care of yourself OP, and good luck with your child’s EHCP.

I do hope your manager is supportive- it’s clear you care about your job and the impact this is having on it. I would much rather someone take the time off they need and their work is covered than someone continue to struggle and mistakes made.

I really feel for you OP, currently going through the same issue with my LA. I am too fighting for a EHCP for my non verbal DC. He started nursery in sept, he can only go for one hour a day as he needs a one to one but there is not enough staff.

It's hard, I have my own health problems and took 4 months off for stress and MH. If you need it do it, I understand you have bills but your own health comes first. You can't do your job if you don't take care of yourself. Sending virtual hugs 💐

If you were my direct report I would definitely be supportive of your need for some time off. Don't be afraid to speak to your GP and follow their advice. Good luck with everything

I've been signed off many times with stress/depression, actually only been back at work 4 weeks after 4 months off this year due to breakdown and lots of family issues. Work should be supportive and would recommend talking to GP. I've only worked for civil service once a long time ago but I'm sure they have occupational health who might be able to offer some support, being off with stress is nothing to be ashamed off. I've found my colleagues to be really supportive when I returned to work.

The EHCP process is tough and sorry to say that once you get the EHCP it's still difficult. My son was diagnosed with ASD age 5, EHCP issued in reception. Realise some children find the right school first time however mine moved to new school for Y1 and Y2, moved again to special primary Y3-6. Started special high school and moved part way through Y7 and again in Y9.

He's nearly 18 now but I'm still fighting his corner, he's done amazingly well at main stream college studying music and turned in to a lovely young man. It's hard to remember him kicking, screaming, spitting, fighting etc.

I have done most of the fighing schools and LA as my husband works long hours, it's tough and you need to take time for you.

I could have written this when my DS was the same age!
If I was you, yes I'd get signed off for stress. If you get DLA, you should be able to claim for carers too. With those two, you might be able to afford to drop your hours dramatically.
Only if you've been in this position, do you realise the strain it puts on you. Those early years of hearing these things about your little child, appointments, applications and panels etc are so hard 💐

I really feel for you.

Time off is very unlikely to impact your future prospects. If you need some time I think you should take it. Talk to your manager as soon as you can. Generally people are desperate for good performers and will want to help you stay!

I have no experience of SEN, but I wonder if there are any support groups that you could contact for advice but also so you don’t feel so alone in navigating all of this?

Is there anything your DH can do to help lift some of the day to day burden? Just because you work from home, this shouldn’t really all be falling on you.

Pam assist does a lot of civil service, for EAP contact them.
Ask for an Oh referral as this will get you and your manager some advice.
It sounds like this is personal impacting on work.
Practical things you can do, as said SEN takes a lot of work and the system is designed to fail you and your child. No one will do anything in advance...so plough ahead with the EHCP prepare to be turned down and appeal.
Apply for DLA if you haven't already. you don't need a diagnosis but gather all the evidence you can, referrals, reports, the EHCp info, LIFT, Ed psych etc from the school.
Don't worry about record, if it went against us there would be no one left at work, sadly we all have stress and sometimes it is too much. If you work at a place like the op who claimed they get rid of staff it's probably a lucky escape.

Oh and by ‘on your workplace record’, I think if you went for another job outside the CS. HR is only able to basically confirm you worked there and the dates if they were approached for references. So they wouldn’t divulge it to a prospective employer.

If you went for a job within the CS even if you disclosed you’d had time off for anxiety/depression it’s unlikely to count against you - might suggest you talk to OH before starting the job but it’s not a deal breaker.

I would caution a little here.

you are really at the start of the ehcp process the we could easily go on for another 3 years dependent on the child.

a longer term plan might be needed so you can keep going for a significant length of time.

My child is now ten but the 5 till 8 years old ehcp was a nightmare

CS here too, I was in a bad way with burnout last year (and menopause symptoms too as it turned out) Ring your Employee Assistance provider, ours is PAM Assist, they were helpful in listening and also referred me for CBT with a counsellor without the long wait. Also, have a look at charity for civil servants, I found the free access to their Thrive app was useful to note how I was feeling day to day.
It's really hard to see the wood for the trees when you feel so overwhelmed, I got to a stage where I knew if I didn't do something, I was really going to unravel.
CS won't be wanting to let you go, I got so much support, just reach out xx