Being signed off work with stress

Hi all, as an older lady (60) and still working full time I now have advanced arthritis in my hips, knee. Iv asked for my hrs to be reduced as I stand all day, but was told no. I also have a drs note advising less hrs etc but to no avail. Very tempted to go off sick and try to find another job. Any advice please

Councils usually have provision for children with SEN in the holidays but these are not widely advertised because of funding.

I do feel for but i think sorting out the early stages are harder. Things will get better

Hi OP. I've been signed off before. Doc wouldn't sign me off with "stress" as it's not a medical condition, so the note said depression and anxiety, which was what the stress was causing. It didn't go against me - I had a fantastic boss who helped me return gradually. I didn't want anyone at work to know why I was off as I worried they'd treat me differently, but by and large people don't ask. They just ask if you're feeling better and you say "yes".
Take the time. X

@4StoneToLose this all just sounds really rough and hard work.

I was literally having a conversation with a friend today encouraging them to take sick leave. (They are sick!)

Our entire employment system is set up on the premise that sometimes people are unwel and can't work. In part That's why there is employment law to protect people and why things like sick pay and occupational health exist.

You are in an exceptional circumstance and under huge stress - obviously your mh is impacted negatively and this is making you unwell.

I know it's big gulp moment but take the time you need to sort things out, make life a little more manageable and reduce the stress. No, there's no silver bullet here and I know there are many challenges you've highlighted that are really tricky. But you will be better placed to face them all if you are in a better mental health place.

@desikated most insurance policies don’t pay out if someone kills themselves regardless of whether or not they have pre-existing MH conditions. So a period of sick leave with stress may increase you premium marginally but it doesn’t mean you have different exemptions to the policy in that regard.

OP in your shoes I would get signed off for 2-3 weeks to give you some time to regroup. As pp have said this is not a short term issue, so you need to work with DH to develop a long term plan. It’s hard enough to rely on school/wraparound for childcare while working anyway because of all the bloody sick days/inset days/school events etc and then add in a child with significant SEN and it becomes even harder. Even if you do get an EHCP it might not get you a place at a suitable school, or there might not be holiday clubs, or your son might start a great school but not cope well, etc.

This should not be all on you to solve. Some options:

• both you and DH reduce your hours at work. Two people working 0.6FTE earn more than one person working 1.0FTE and one working 0.2 because of tax, NI etc. This is especially true if you are relatively high earners.
• your DH could negotiate to work from home, some of the time
• you could continue to work full time but employ a nanny with experience of SEN who could then also look after your other children before/after school
• extend the term on your mortgage to enable you or DH to drop hours
• Look at moving to a cheaper area, new/different jobs

There is no reason that you should be the default carer and parent to make all the sacrifices at work to deal with this situation.

I was signed off for a number of months. I haven't felt there to be any stigma at work as a result (also in the civil service). And if your department is anything like mine, there's a lot of movement within the civil service, so you won't necessarily be working with the same people on return.

Please prioritise your health. The sick policy exists for a reason, and I would say take the support you need.

@4StoneToLose I am also a civil servant. It's practically impossible to sack someone so I wouldn't worry about that - most people can't be bothered doing the paperwork!

You've such a lot on your plate. It's always work that has to give in these circumstances. I'd take a couple of weeks off. Speak to your GP.

In the meantime, contact your employee assistance programme. Do it tomorrow first thing when you log on. Most of the civil service ones will offer 6 counselling sessions if you explain the problem and ask for it. I've supported two of my team to access this in the last 6 months because their home lives were affecting their work.

We try to support people to stay at work where possible as it can be a slippery slope if people do go off sick - but sometimes a bit of time away helps get things back on an even keel. I had 2 weeks off sick at the beginning of the year because life was crashing down around me. I actually discussed with with my manager beforehand, it was quite clear I wasn't able to do my job properly.

Also - you must, must speak to your manager and let them know how you're feeling. They need to go through a stress reduction plan with you for starters.

I still can’t stop feeling sick about the thought of work again next week When I was in a similar situation, a friend said to me “your work should not make you sick”. Something that hadn’t occurred to me up till then.

Being off through stress is unlikely to mess up your future as much as making a mess of your work, which you say you are already beginning to do.

OP, the bad news is that caring responsibilities are associated with poorer long term health, and an average life expectancy reduction of 8 years.

Because being a carer is hard, and adequate social support is often not available, many carers live under conditions of chronic stress, and develop other physical and mental health disorders. If you have a health condition that has a substantial and long term effect on your daily life you are likely to be covered by the Equality Act and entitled to receive reasonable adjustments.

You will also need to consider the fact that you may struggle to get wrap around childcare and holiday clubs once your son starts school. Nursery is so much easier organisation wise. There is very little, in some areas next to nothing in term of holiday childcare for SEN kids. Unless you have family to help and your husband taking over more, you are going to have a an impossible task

I think there are very few parents with disabled child who can 'afford' to cut their hours. We all have bills to pay. Mine are teens now and it is just my lived experience. also, the older they get, the harder things will get. Wrap around childcare, school holiday childcare. once you get to secondary age, there will be no holiday clubs there anymore... it's absolutely awful but that is the reality. My child attends a special school and I am one of very few mums who works. Most have a parent full time at home as there is just so little support.

No, it’s not a health visitor. It’s the children’s/family centre in your local area.

Give them a call, I think they could help you.

Both my DC have additional needs, one rather severe (ASD, learning difficulties). Went a few times over the years to GP and was always told that getting signed off is not a solution as it won't solve the root issue. In the end, I had to leave work and found a less stressful part time job.

If you have a child with complex need, by any means get a short sicknote but issue will not go away. Today it's the ECHP, tomorrow behaviours, then appointments, then another crisis for something else. Clearly, your responsibilities in your job are not compatible with your caring responsibilities. You need to change the job/hours you are work. Anything else is not sustainable long term.

Do you have a family support worker? I would contact your local family/childrens centre and ask for support.

Mine was great. I think that could be a starting point for you here.

I'm sorry OP that sounds very stressful.

No you don't have to disclose on job applications.

It is discrimination if they do not offer a job or retain employment due to sickness.

I have had two (month long) absences for anxiety and depression. I was promoted 3 months ago in that context. I don't think I work in a particularly caring environment just one that knows the law and follows it. It saddens me that people are recommending you don't go off sick due to employment concerns.

I know the physical / mental health comparison is old, but if you had the flu (the real flu) and needed to be off for 2 weeks or a month you would be. Obviously no one (no one half way decent or literate in employment law) would take that as any reflection on your ability to work.

This might sound a bit dramatic, but take the time now while things are just about do able. If you don't, the risk is that things will get worse and then you'll be more unwell and also have to take more time off.

You are in a situation that is materially and objectively very stressful. Please treat yourself with the compassion and care you would give to others

Oh and yes I also had to disclose on insurance policy. It made a negligible difference and they won't pay out if I kill myself. There are bespoke insurance providers for people who have or do experience mental health problems.

Op are you in a union or can the charity of Civil servants provide legal support for educational solicitors?

I'm also a Civil Servant. Unless you're particularly unlucky with your team, taking some time off sick with stress shouldn't cause you issues.

I've known people return after over a year off sick or after a lengthy career break (6 years is the longest one I've encountered).

I would suggest:

• speaking to your manager. They may be able to put some support in place to help you at work.
• get a Carers Passport
• speak to your EAP (ours is Pam Assist)
• you could also try speaking to the Charity for Civil Servants and your union (if you're in one).

It's worth seeing if you can access some support through those routes. But don't feel bad if you need to take some time off sick to de-stress.

Your wellbeing is crucial. Sometimes it's better to take some time off now than trying to push through and burning out down the line and needing more time to recover.