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AIBU?

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Original poster

To really, really want a third DC

116 replies

Kindlylight · 23/10/2023 14:16

I’m 42. I have two lovely children. To have a third would be so stupid but … oh I want one. So much Smile

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 18:13

KimberleyClark · 23/10/2023 14:55

Are you prepared for it to be twins, or have additional needs?

Noone asks this when someone mentions TTC No1. tho. Is anyone REALLY ever prepared for a baby with additional needs or twins?

babetyouknow · 23/10/2023 18:10

tiglit · 23/10/2023 18:08

Hormones.

No.

nailsathome · 23/10/2023 18:10

I'm 42, I have 4 dc and I would love more. There is something in me that says mother. If we had the room I'd adopt or foster as many as could fit in my house.

tiglit · 23/10/2023 18:08

Hormones.

babetyouknow · 23/10/2023 18:07

RampantIvy · 23/10/2023 17:32

Current children are only preschool.

I thought so. Parenting teenagers is so very different and much, much, much more expensive than parenting little ones.

Never underestimate the emotional toll that having teenagers has on you. You might like to read some of the teenage or secondary education boards to get an idea of what it is like.

I suspect that all the "go for it" posters are just as broody as you.

Edited

I already had teenagers when I had my last baby at age 44. Teenagers need a lot of parenting too, but I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Original poster
Kindlylight · 23/10/2023 18:01

I didn’t mean you. I just don’t think it’s the case that you will have an awful time when your kids are teens, so to state it as decisively as you have is misleading. I’m sorry for your troubles though.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 23/10/2023 18:00

Honestly, I didn't approach the teenage years with dread and horror. DD herself was lovely all through, just very sad and upset at times.

Original poster
Kindlylight · 23/10/2023 17:57

I meant for me. If I’m approaching the teen years with dread and horror because of MN, then it will be dreadful and horrifying.

As it is, it may be awful, it may be wonderful, it may be both - just as parenting under 3s has been.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 23/10/2023 17:55

Apart from anything else it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

Absolutey not. I didn't see the bullying coming. It was DD's best friend who suddenly turned on her. Even easy teenagers need you more on an emotional level than little children. She is out the other side now, but it was awful at the time.

It has to be said though that teenagers are expensive - clothes, phones, laptops (essential for homework), university.

Peachyscream · 23/10/2023 17:53

This too shall pass

notasillysausage · 23/10/2023 17:48

I have three, my third has been the hardest by far, lots of hospital stays, more high emotions (epic tantrums!) than the others, everything is trickier with three.
I love my third to absolute bits and when they are here you really wouldn’t have it any other way, but the move from 2 to 3 is infinitely harder than the move from 1 to 2 in my experience.

Original poster
Kindlylight · 23/10/2023 17:46

@RampantIvy i make a point of not listening to those eager to tell you how miserable you’re going to be. Apart from anything else it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. I hope things improve for you but you aren’t me, it could get better, or worse, or both.

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 23/10/2023 17:38

I'm sorry your dc is having/ has had a hard time of it as a teen but it's not a universal experience. We haven't had any issues, this great MN refrain of letting posters know that their children will turn into teenagers - like it's an inevitable great burden to reconcile just hasn't been my experience.

Discomboobulated · 23/10/2023 17:35

My friend wanted a third but ended up 4!

RampantIvy · 23/10/2023 17:34

DD herself was a breeze, but the bullying and friendship issues weren't.

Desecratedcoconut · 23/10/2023 17:33

My teenagers are a breeze.

RampantIvy · 23/10/2023 17:32

Current children are only preschool.

I thought so. Parenting teenagers is so very different and much, much, much more expensive than parenting little ones.

Never underestimate the emotional toll that having teenagers has on you. You might like to read some of the teenage or secondary education boards to get an idea of what it is like.

I suspect that all the "go for it" posters are just as broody as you.

Guessguess · 23/10/2023 17:22

Just do it, my 3rd is a massive twat, like she goes out her way to be the most difficult child in history. But my god I adore her ans could not in a million years comprehend a life without her In it. No matter what she's worth it

Original poster
Kindlylight · 23/10/2023 17:21

@BeingATwatItsABingThing its just talking, surely?

You don’t have to live up to your username.

Thanks, all. It’s good to know that I’m not losing my mind!

OP posts:
Chalkdowns · 23/10/2023 17:10

I think it’s totally understandable. Some people are broody and want 4ths or 5ths or 6ths… I rather blithely wanted 3 and had 3 and it was only after I had them that I realised what a big deal it is. Never been at all broody for the 4th. I really felt my limits with 3. It took me right up to the edge of what I could cope with.

pontipinemum · 23/10/2023 17:05

I am TTC no 2 right now, and for us that will probably be it. But I do wonder if some of what you are feeling is just that it's the end of that period of you life, being pregnant, new born etc. I know when DS was getting bigger and moved from one phase to the next I did think well I'll get to do this again.

MissSmiley · 23/10/2023 16:47

I get it, at 42 I had to choose endometrial ablation ie definitely no more babies and I felt really sad. I have five children from 9 rounds of ivf and I definitely wanted the ablation, it's about accepting you are in the next stage of your life, the one without being fertile

morag1234 · 23/10/2023 16:46

Completely understand this feeling!!!

I have a 3 & 6 year old & nearly every month I think what a great idea it is (while I'm ovulating)! I get obsessed with the idea and nag my partner, and a few days later I'm thinking thank the lord he didn't agree to it 🤣.

DisquietintheRanks · 23/10/2023 16:45

This was me. The desperate longing switched off as soon as peri-menopause kicked in. And now it's gone I realise that my dh was right and 3 would have placed a huge burden on us as a family (financial and otherwise). A tiny bit of me still occasionally wonders how life would have been like but I no longer feel heartbroken that it won't happen.

A friend of mine went for 3 and ended up with 4 and it has been very, very hard on them, esp as 2 of their children have turned out to be disabled. Not that they don't love their children - they do - but the life they lead is not the one they were expecting.

BHRK · 23/10/2023 16:41

Had my third at 41. No regrets, it’s absolutely
wonderful and DH feels the same

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